Monday, July 21, 2008

An Attempt at Distraction

I am on a suicide watch for a friend (seriously) so not much sleep last night and now I wait for her call to know if she made it through the night. She lives in an assisted living facility, so she's not alone, but the fact that she hasn't called has my mind racing as to whether something actually happened this time or if this is her regular monthly suicide threat to manipulate me into spending more time with her and she's merely sleeping soundly. I try to keep my blog happy so I don't say too much about this, but this relationship has become a really big part of my life and sometimes it gets to be a little heavy on my shoulders. A dear friend who also knows A. went over with me last night to try and calm her down, pray with her and get her settled into bed. Now it's just hour by hour to try and convince her not to take her life. It is so painful to see her empty eyes and feel her despair.

So, in the midst of someone else's darkness, I tried to focus on my own light. I spent some time in the space before and after my 4 hours of trying to sleep making this collage of my son Johnathan at the temple last week. He is preparing to serve his mission for our church in September and one of the important steps of preparation is attending the temple for the first time. It is a rite of passage for a latter-day saint-a special worship service that involves the making of promises and receiving of blessings--it signifies a deepening commitment to one's faith. For a parent who tries to transmit values and hopes a child will choose a path that I believe will yield the happiest possible life, it is a lovely thing to see this child choose to take this step. It means that he has chosen this religion for himself and is starting to act on his own belief, rather than rely on the example and routines of his family.

Well, my friend just called. She's still alive. I guess I can get on with my day, at least for now. Thanks for reading.

12 comments:

  1. Oh, Kellie, what a dual-sided post. My heart goes out to you and your friend both. And the pictures of your son are really quite powerful. Thanks for sharing, and I do hope you can catch up on some much-needed sleep.

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  2. Those pictures of Jonathan made me cry. And Man, I am so sorry about A. I wish I could've been there to help out. I'm always out of town at the wrong times. I'll start praying for her now.

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  3. Oh Kellie! I hope everything is still ok. That is a big burden to have on your shoulders.

    I love the temple collage. It's so beautiful. Very nice pictures.

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  4. Your collage is beautiful!!!!!!!! I love how you captured the whole day! WONDERFUL!! I am so sorry about the burden that you are carrying. Do those at the nursing home know of the threats and is she receiving psychiatric help? I am sure that you've thought of all this, but this shouldn't fall on the heads of the sisters around her only. Oh dear. You need some Chocolate. :-)

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  5. Wonderful photos. I am glad your friends made it. It is so hard to have to jugle the pains along with the joys.

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  6. Difficult. One of my dearest childhood friends has lived for several years in a nursing home and is now in a hospice. My heart will break the day I receive the phone call, but she will be set free. There is no simple answer or solution for individuals who have this trial.

    The collage of your son is just wonderful. To me, he and Evan have a strong resemblance, no?

    I hope you receive some restorative sleep.

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  7. What a trial for you! I wish you and your friend all the best. I hope she can get thru this!

    On the bright note, where is Johnathan going? Has he gotten his call yet? Loved the pictures...

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  8. Oh Kellie I did not know all this was going on with A. I'm sorry for burden this must be on you and for the pain she must be in emotionally... I wish I could do more, but be assured I will be praying for A. and for you
    too.

    That is a beautiful collage that you put together! It's so uplifting and poignant.

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  9. a hug for you. you are a strong one though, it will be a good thing in the end.

    a lovely collage. So I'm guessing Johnathan wasn't taller than Jeff a couple of years ago? I hadn't seen a true side by side til now. how'd that go over with big bro? :) my fav shot is them sharing a moment. my heart is full of warmth for you and your family!

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  10. I am in tears for you Kellie. (That always happens when I read your blog.) Heavenly Father is glad you are there for his daughter, and you will be blessed for doing so.

    The collage is breathtaking. Such a wonderful story.

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  11. Kelli,
    You are such a good friend. This post made me tear up and also reminded me of our brief meeting in April. You are a very thoughtful, compassionate, and dedicated person. Your friend is lucky to have you in her life and I am sure your friendship brings her comfort during scary and dark times. And what a beautiful collage. Good luck to your son as he prepares to take those big steps in his life.

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  12. I know this is a little late but I am sorry about your friend. Having a friend with those kind of needs is exhausting even when you love them. I love you and am thinking about you.

    Gorgeous pictures.

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Thank you for sharing your insights!