Christmastime Fun

Our Group
Originally uploaded by lelliekin

The day is getting close, the traditions have been kept, and fun has been had. I've gotten lots of great cards from friends far and near, been blessed by so many yummy goodies, and enjoyed the season greatly. Last night we spent our family night with dear friends visiting the lighted splendor of the Washington D.C. Temple. It was so incredibly cold, but somehow even that was fun-to be all bundled up seems more festive than some years when we've gone about our Christmasy fun in shorts, for crying out loud. It was special to share this particular tradition with people we love so much.

Our family's gift traditions are pretty simple (we splurge on birthdays instead), so my shopping has been minimal, and I feel like the season has gone pretty much how I would want it to. Every year I wish I had reached out more, but I think it evens out. I've never successfully incorporated making or delivering lots of treats into my holiday traditions, nor do I give gifts to everyone I know. I so appreciate those who do and I have a feeling there will be seasons in my life where that might happen. I have been successful at getting past the guilt I used to feel that would actually interfere with enjoying the generosity of others. Now I just receive it with love and joy and know that I'll have the chance to give in some other way and at some other time. That is one nice thing about getting old. Guilt and comparison to others hold absolutely no appeal any more, and I have learned to find better directions for my energy.

I do have a bit more shopping to do, but it will actually be nice to spend the evening out with Eric tonight. We haven't had much time together at all lately due to this being his absolute busiest time of year both at church and at work. If it takes us 30 minutes to get out of the Target parking lot, it will just be that much more time to chat.

Best of all, Jeff comes home tonight, and we spoke briefly with Johnathan to make arrangements for his Christmas day phone call from Chile. Joy!

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Runaway

I was a runaway this weekend. A truant, an escapist. I was a veritable Houdini from my everyday life. It was wonderful and restorative and worthwhile. I have not a single photo because I once again, could not find my camera charger in the place where it lives and in none of the places I thought it might have visited. So, I have photos from friends, and lots of memories in my mind.

I went to the Seattle area to see one of my dearest, longest-known pals, and in the bargain got go to meet in person a couple my favorite blogging and bookclub friends. It's an internet story all the way around.

My friend Sara emailed me in October with the latest Ding update from Southwest and there was a really good price on flights from Baltimore to Seattle. (She is that kind of pal, she keeps track of my airport on Ding so we can see each other.) I've been feeling run a bit ragged lately, so the thought of a weekend away, especially with her, was very enticing. Eric, as usual, was completely supportive of this. (He's that kind of hubby, he knows it's good to keep me sane.) In just a few clicks, I was all set.

I thought that was going to be it and I was pretty excited. Then I figured out that the person I drew for our online bookclub's Secret Santa lives about an hour from my pal. So I worked it out with her husband to meet her and deliver her Secret Santa gift in person. I had never met her, I just knew I really liked her and her husband's comments on our bookclub forum, plus she has become one of my blogging friends and always makes me glow with her wonderful friendly ways. She made me glow in person, too. Her smart, kind, and warm internet presence in my life was the perfect introduction to her even smarter, kinder and warmer personal presence. I'll always treasure the moment of our meeting and the sweet hour or so we had to talk. Her husband is also pretty special, because my plans became a bit flaky and he was utterly kind and calm about the whole thing. It was a highlight of the weekend for sure.

As for my friend, she's the one I went to NYC with last fall. We have a long history together and I'm just so glad to have her in my life. Being with her is easy and right--fun, happy, and uplifting. It's a yin-yang thing, for sure, because she is elegant and soft-spoken and graceful where I am sarcastic and talk too much and laugh too loud, and everything good I know about how to dress I learned from her. I have many WWSD moments in the store. Mostly, I love her heart and her faith, plus her amazing grown sons are the ones I look to to give me hope about parenting. This time, we drove around on the Kitsap Pennisula. The weather was iffy, so after we visited the Hebers, we ended up staying in a little town called Poulsbo-a Norwegian-settled fishing town with a charming city center. I went to the wonderful Liberty Bay Books and lots of amazing art galleries and gift shops. I found Norwegian gifts for my part-Norwegian mom and lots of other lovelies for loved ones. There were carolers walking around and a horse-drawn wagon with sleigh bells going up and down the street. It was wonderfully festive. For us, leisurely shopping like this is a way to connect, to find out what the other likes and is interested in, and to have all that time to talk in between.

So, now I'm home, with enough memories of friends and and mornings of waking without an alarm and tall pines and mountains in both directions and misty harbors and Mt. Ranier and seeing 4 of the Cascade Volcanoes in the sunset from the plane to get me by until the next time I can get back to my beloved Pacific Northwest.

The ending note though, must be that I'm so glad to be home-that's the real beauty of a trip like this, I remember that I really do miss my family and even my run-ragged life when I'm gone.

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Yays and Nays

The Drama That is Life...











Yay!

• I got to go to an awesome party on Saturday night and hang out with friends and laugh and feel the true warmth of the holiday season. It was awesome.
  
• Two ortho appointments that have been rescheduled more times than I can remember finally happened yesterday. Sara and Evan's teeth are holding steady and, in the words of the Doctor, "They look great!" Evan got his top permanent retainer taken off and will be fitted for a regular retainer in a couple of months. He loves being able to feel the roof of his mouth again.
  
• We found Sara's plaster mold of the inside of her mouth for her lost retainer and even though they did a new impression, they didn't charge us because we had the old one with us. Small victories sometimes mean the most.
  
• Sara saw a psychiatrist yesterday and has a preliminary diagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder. She is happy to be trying Concerta and excited to think that certain challenges may be eased in the near future. When I asked her today after school if she felt any changes, she declared that she feels like she has superpowers and can now fly. Tee hee. We are checking to see if that is a known side effect of Concerta.
  
• I got my two main packages that need to be sent for Christmas wrapped, packed and in the pick-up queue for tomorrow. That's a biggie for me.
  
• I was able to get some more work doing sample and test knitting.

Nay...

• Sara lost her retainer as referred to above. I had bought the insurance. They decided she needs a new kind of retainer so the new one is not covered by the insurance because technically, it is not a replacement. I am appealing the decision. For that reason, I can insert a small "yay" here: I didn't have to pay yesterday, which would have meant Sara was getting a retainer for Christmas.
• Sara, being a healthy girl, has not had a prescription filled all year, which means she hasn't met her individual prescription deductible, which means it is a really good thing I didn't have to pay for the retainer so that I could buy her meds at full price. I promise I'll give her something else for Christmas.
  
• Seminary class this morning went badly. The DVD didn't work, the kids were grumpy, a handout that I was planning on using did not work the way it was supposed to, which completely threw off my rhythm, and it was just really sad. Usually I love teaching this class, but this was discouraging. I wouldn't worry about the odd off day except that it's been happening more this year than ever before. Maybe I've reached my expiration date after 6 years.
  
• I had to miss a party today because I was working on tomorrow's seminary lesson. (I skipped my run this morning, too.) It took me 4 hours to finally feel like I got it right, especially since I'm trying to avoid a repeat of today. From all accounts it was a really fun party and I'm determined not to be sniffy about missing it since I just went to a party on Saturday.
  

Okay, I'm going to quit while I still have more Yays than Nays. Better to keep on the sunny side.

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Book Review

Socialism is Great! by Lijia Zhang
Memoir
Adult Non-Fiction

The title of this book comes from a Mao-era refrain sung to engender national pride. What it is actually about is a young woman's coming of age in the 1980's in a large city in China.

Lijia is near my age, and I really loved reading a sort of parallel story of what a girl on the other side of the world was doing while I was over here in America trying out for plays, learning to drive and living in relative luxury in a huge old house on a tree-lined street. I could choose what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go and who I wanted to see. I rode my bike because I wanted to, not because it was my only mode of transportation. This young woman really did not have those freedoms. Between the expectations of her family and the environment of post-Mao China, her options were very limited-she had to work in a big factory, fight for the opportunity to get higher education and had little choice in where she lived, yet she saw more to both her own potential and that of her nation. Of course, we also had things in common. She tells about her relationship with her sister, her various loves and losses, how she liked to dress cute for outings, and loved to go out and explore with her friends.

It was stunning for me to read about the tenacity and strength of character it took for this young woman to be true to herself and have dreams of her own within a system that specialized in quashing individuality and handing out state-mandated dreams, then expecting people to be happy with their lot. Lijia tells her story with passion, honesty and attention to detail. She finds beauty among the ashes and recovers from devastating losses. Part of her journey was a single-minded effort to learn English, so this book is not a translation. Her command of the language is impressive, but it retains something in the syntax and word choices that subtly reminds the reader that this is not an American voice. All the better. Because she tells this story in a simple way, with no thought of self-aggrandizement, she actually becomes heroic in her small victories. She won both my heart and my admiration. If I ever met this woman, I would want to be her friend.

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Second Place!

Sam's team, the Hammond Bears, came in second at this big tournament down in Calvert County (about 2 hours away from home). Sam ended up 6-3 for the tourney, which is a great start to his season as a junior wresting varsity. Click on it to see his smile. He's the one holding onto the right leg of the trophy. Wrestling is a tough sport, but moments like this help make it worthwhile.

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Props to the Offspring

Here are a few things I'm feeling fiercely proud of right now:

• Sam just won 3 out of 4 matches in his first wrestling tournament of the year. He is really focused during the wrestling season and I'm glad for him to see some results.
  
• Our dishwasher is not working, and last night, when we realized the sad truth, Sara and Evan voluntarily organized a dish-washing line and worked like a couple of professionals to get the dishes washed, rinsed and dried in record time. They took it on like a project and there was this wonderful energy and sense of shared purpose. It was just dishes, but it was a seriously cool moment.
  
• My kids always help bring stuff in from the car. All I have to do is come in the house and say "A little grocery help, please," and every one of them will get their shoes on and come help me. They also help put it all away. Really.
  
• They have put up with me teaching seminary (a daily scripture study class for teenagers that meets in our home at 5:50 AM-nope, not a typo) for 6+ years. This means that I'm often tired, I always have a lesson to prepare, and the family room usually looks more like a classroom than anything else. Yet, they still help me set up the chairs and tolerate me taking 20 minute mini-naps at odd times.
• They love Christmas and I found out today that they feel a certain family pride in the fact that I collect Nativity sets and have over 30 of them displayed around the house. Today they were joking that next I'll find a way to display a nativity on the dog. Hmm, I'll have to think about that one.
  
• They will gather around me to sing Christmas songs together while I plink badly on the piano for accompaniment.

I'm feeling very, very lucky as a parent right now. These feelings have come, most ironically, after a freakishly busy week filled with a lot of frustrations and opposition. Sometimes it really is in the crucible of challenge that true character is revealed. I'm grateful for the people my kids have become. As I said in my Christmas letter this year, they show every evidence of actually surviving my continued attempts at parenting. Amazing.

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Shopping Fun

Well, I did my shopping and decided to help the economy after all. Just a little. We all have to do our part, you know. For inquiring minds, the catalog that sent me the gift card is Sundance. It was started by Robert Redford and has all sort of gorgeous stuff that makes me say, "Oh, that is so me!" All sorts of artsy and quirky and ridiculously expensive. But, when you add together a sale, a gift card, a free shipping code and shopping the clearance section, I did pretty well. It's a good feeling.

No smugness intended.

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Something fun from Simple Mom

One of my favorite daily reads is SimpleMom. Right now she is doing a very fun giveaway of some beautiful jewelry that not only puts lovely things into her readers' hands, it promotes businesses run by moms, which is cool. To enter, she asked readers to tell about family heirlooms that have been passed down. I have two beautiful knitted dresses that my grandmother made. Of course, me being a knitter, I am especially appreciative of them. My sister and I wore them when we were wee babes, and our kids have worn them. I think I can come up with photos. I'll be working on that. So, if you'd like to check out this post, enter and enjoy thinking about your family treasures.

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Reality Comes Crashing Down

Okay, so yesterday, I wrote that the economy had not yet affected my life directly. I probably sounded smug about having been steeped in the principles of provident and frugal living all my life. I didn't mean to sound smug if I did, nor did I mean to imply that Mormons have the corner on the market of sound money management. They/we surely don't.

Today though, all those statistics about the importance of the holiday shopping season to the economy have become real. The true gravity of the downturn presented itself to me in a rather shocking way yesterday. Brace yourselves.

I haven't done much internet shopping over the past few months, mostly because I have kids in college. Yesterday, my favorite drool-over-but-only-shop-the-clearance-section catalog ever sent one of those "We miss you" cards. Usually, it's a discount code. That would have been cool, but for this catalog, probably not enough to tempt me. Not this time. This catalog however, . . . w a i t f o r i t. . . in their desperation to just get me surfing their website, they sent a full-on 50 dollar gift card. No strings attached-it's not a "spend 300 get 50 off" card, it's just a big fat real one.

Bless the retailers' hearts, but this makes my day. I love the challenge of spending ONLY the gift card with no overflow. I won't be helping the economy AT ALL, but I will have fun.

Sorry if I sound smug.

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Completely Blocked

I've written and discarded at least 7 posts over the last week. They all seemed so lame. They were all about nothing, which only works if you're a writer for the Seinfeld show. Which is off the air, so that won't work. Today I'm going to keep writing and post it anyway, and maybe if I keep doing it, I'll be able to write again. Bear with me as I work past whatever is blocking me. It might not be pretty.

To add to that, photography is really frustrating lately. I either have a lens issue or a camera issue, so fully half of all the photos I'm taking have this slight, out of focus halo around every object. I have it narrowed down to a few variables, and I think it might be one of my lenses at a certain range of f-stops, but then it will happen unexpectedly at another time and mess up my data collection. I need to go talk to my guys at Penn Camera. It's good to have a little perspective on the old Photog hobby and remember that a few good pictures are good enough, and that sometimes even the fuzzy ones can tell the story. It's photos, not world peace.

The news is bad because of terror and the economy and all that, which is serious, but I really have to focus on my real life, which is so far, unaffected by most of the bad news that is dominating the airwaves. I don't mean to sound flippant, because I know many people are truly being affected, but all I can do right now is try to live by sound financial principles in my own sphere and try to be prepared. I feel fortunate to belong to a church that teaches personal preparation for the future so it is something of a way of life for many Mormons. Sometimes we are seen as being extreme in our preparations, but it is not about bunkers or predictions about the end of the world. It's called Provident Living, which simply means being able to provide for one's self and then reach out to help others. What we do have is extra food and water, and it is part of the doctrine of our church to be careful and prayerful with money so that we control it rather than it controlling us. Preparation puts any person in a position to have less fear. It also allows them to keep giving and be generous with time and money rather than hide in a corner, clutching at their own stuff. I love that the little free money management course that you can access on the above website is called "Peace in Your Hearts." How's that for the polar opposite of what the news is reporting?

Our Thanksgiving was nice-small and quiet-all the little ones are out west and gathered at other homes. This year, it was our family of 5 plus my cute Mom and Pop. We went to their house because they are getting ready to sell and retire and all that in the next couple of years, so it might have been our last Thanksgiving there. Bittersweet.

Friday was leaf raking and house-cleaning and Saturday was Christmas-tree getting and house-decorating. More photos of that later.

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Time to Get Your Holiday Groove On...

You've probably seen this, but it is new to me. I think it is cool and fun and quite amazing in its technical brilliance. Enjoy...

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Book Review

How the Garcia Girls Lost their Accents
by Julia Alvarez

I was very interested in this book group pick (I read it for The Nook, my beloved online book group) and enjoyed aspects of it very much. It is the story of the Garcia de la Torre family and their journey as immigrants from the Dominican Republic. It is arranged in an unusual way, starting from the present day and going sort of backward in time, but is not really done in flashbacks or dream sequences. It simply reads backwards, with the characters getting younger. It is also unconventional in that the voice changes from third to first person at different times. Sometimes this unusual structure was a little jarring, but I always like to give an author the benefit of the doubt and assume, find or make up good reasons why things are they way they are. This time, I decided that by keeping the reader a little uncomfortable and wondering just what's going on, the author was able to give us a little taste of what it is like to be a whole, intelligent, fully functioning human being who suddenly finds themselves completely undone by their environment. Such is the case with immigrants to another country-I think they must wonder at times (which actually the book comes right out and says) how the heck they got to this moment of confusion and clumsiness. I'll bet they wish they could just flip back a few pages and re-read to get their bearings back.

Having relatives by marriage who are first generation Americans made me look at this book somewhat through their eyes and many things rang true with experiences my family members have shared with me. I really liked the richness of the language and the insight into what life was like before this family moved to the US. I liked the way the complexity of the family dynamic is portrayed. Other readers may think the characters are too predictable, but in my mind they are iconic, representing a lot of cultural truths. For example, the mother adopts the middle ground. She is sort of a translator between the old and new countries. Her husband functions successfully as a doctor in America, but has a hard time accepting that his daughters are more American than Dominican in their behavior and choices. The daughters see the dad as archaic and stuck in the old country at times. The mom keeps pretty busy trying to help the different generations see where the other is coming from. That is usually the situation any mother finds herself in, and to add to the normal complications of family life the difficulties of cultural ambivalence and confusion would be maddening. I thought this mother handled things pretty well.

I'm not sure I'll choose anything else by this author, but this was a good read. It made me think about what it means to be an American, especially since I have immigrant ancestors only 3 generations back. My husband has them 2 generations back. We are a nation of immigrants, and to continue to see these individuals as aliens rather than as symbolic of our own stories does both our brave ancestors and the brave new pioneers all around us a profound disservice.

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On to Chile

Right about now, if everything went okay, my second son is boarding a plane in Dallas bound for Chile. I'm not sure which city he's flying into-Santiago or Valparaiso, but no matter. He's in the Lord's hands and he'll be fine. I'm so excited for his adventure to really begin. He's spent the last 8 weeks in training in Utah, and now he goes to his assigned country. His letters have been detailed, tender and full of faith. The letters are my favorite part of the mission. I treasure each and every one from my first son's mission experience, and look forward to the same marvelous anticipation each week with this go-round.

He has reported having a really good experience so far, challenges notwithstanding. He's a deep soul, very sensitive, and will work hard to make the most of this opportunity for service and learning. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers for me. He's going a long way away and he'll need the safety that comes from being encircled in love from earth as well as heaven.

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Sick Days

The cough came on a week ago, with little surprise, as Sara and Sam are just barely finished with their two weeks of coughing. It is one of those insidious viruses that leaves one feeling mostly okay, but sounding awful and not fit for human society. It also makes it hard to run in the cold, as I already suffer from a bit of exercise-induced asthma. Consequently, this week has been an odd mix of acting sick in certain situations and not so much in other situations. (Being around kids? Sick. Lunch with friends? Not sick. Running in 23 degree blustery weather? Sick. You get the picture.) Yesterday, I was going to try running again after taking the week off but woke up actually feeling really yucky-the coughing was starting to hurt and be more productive and the aches and pains were real, not imagined.

Yesterday I rested and knitted on a project for next Tuesday's class while watching Survivorman and bits of several movies on TV that I happened upon. I did get up to make waffles for dinner and helped Evan with his project, but it was a pretty easy day. The rotten thing about a virus is that often one's actions have no effect upon the course the illness will take. Thus, rest notwithstanding, today, the coughing continues toward its zenith before the downward glide, and I feel yucky again. So, as I did on Tuesday for Photog group, I decided to quarentine myself rather than impose myself on everyone at church. Finally, I can catch up on blogs, do some reading that I've fallen behind on and sort of get a handle on my vision of the upcoming holiday season. I've started addressing cards, which is usual for me-my goal is always by Thanksgiving, but then I lose momentum. This time, I have the addresses mostly gathered and have set a goal to send out only 5 a day. So, wish me luck. Here is the card I designed. It is simple, but I like it. Brushes are my new favorite toy in Photoshop. Such fun.

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Recent Fun Times

Mixed in among the anti-procrastination efforts and the drooling over Daniel Craig, this last week has been chock full of fun times with friends. Here is a quick run-down:

• So You Think You Can Dance Concert: This was so fun. I am a poser of a fan of this show-only seen a few episodes-but I love dance, and Sara loves dance, so we spent a little mom & daughter time together watching these incredibly talented young people dazzle up the stage in downtown Baltimore. I'm glad we will have this memory together. The fun was greatly enhanced by spending time with friends along the way.

• Shopping Adventures in Southeastern PA: 7 of us trekked up to York and Lancaster for shopping extraordinaire, girl-talk till 3 am, and wonderful meals together. Memories were made, bank accounts were emptied and personal fashion triumphs were achieved. What a fun time it was. I scored lots of reasonably priced holiday decor, gifts and a few nice additions to my clothing wardrobe. More importantly, I scored strengthened friendships with some truly amazing women.
  

• Washington Philharmonic Singers: One of my dear pals (who loves music as much as I do) and I went down to this lovely church to hear another of our singing friends perform with an amazing vocal ensemble. They sang sacred music from many traditions and time periods, mostly a Capella, in close harmony and with beautiful, haunting melodies. It was nothing short of magical. I've put an example of the type of music we heard on my player. I was literally in tears at the end. I love that music can transcend time and geography and ideology and fill the heart with a spirit of peace and hope.

I feel lucky to live where I live, to know the people I know and to have these memories stored in my heart and mind to make me smile whenever I want.

This week, wrestling season starts and we are down a car , so I'll be experimenting with not having a car 2-3 days a week. It will be interesting to see if I can remember how we did it 20 years ago. I'm kind of excited about the challenge of finding out if we could actually break our dependence on three cars. In romantic theory, I like the idea of being independent and creative by walking and riding my bike a little more and moving the boundaries of my world a little closer to home. People all over the world do it all the time. Even better will be to plan more efficiently and modulate my expectations so that I'm just home sometimes. Oh, that sounds lovely. Probably what will actually happen is that I'll just do a lot more internet shopping. I really hope though, that we can figure out a hybrid plan that will allow everyone to be where they need to be.

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Me and James Bond

I love James Bond. And, as if I'm not geeky enough about other stuff, I can tell you way more about the whole Bond Thing than you'd ever want to know. It is one of those shallow, completely useless indulgences that act as the whipped cream on my chocolate cake of life.

I've loved the movie franchise ever since I was a teen watching them when they would occasionally come on TV. I loved the action and the romance. I adored all the exotic locations. I had opinions about which actor was my favorite from early on. It never occurred to me that these were films mostly for men. Who wouldn't want to watch those awesome chases and see Bond get out of those ridiculous scrapes and still look like a million bucks?? I quickly learned that most girls didn't. So, I dreamt of the Ultimate Man all alone. Bond and Han Solo were my crushes from the time I was about 11 years old (it never occurred to me that Bond can be seen as more than a chauvinist, but as an actual misogynist-I never was a very good feminist.)

I had no desire to be a Bond Girl-I knew I wasn't that type. But Oh how I wanted to be Moneypenny. She was the smart one that I always felt secretly that Bond knew was the right woman for him-his intellectual match who would convince him that there was another life for him. Oh the sighs.

Then I got busy with my family and Roger Moore's spoofy, almost campy humor was gone. It was the end of an era. Timothy Dalton didn't do it for me. Pierce Brosnan was gorgeous and elegant and all that, and the movies got better, but there was still something missing. The 4 Bond films that Pierce made were too slick-too dependent on CGI special effects and product placement (although the decision to cast Judi Dench as M was pure genius). So, when 2006 came and there was a new film with a new Bond, it all sort of went past me. I never actually watched Casino Royale in the theaters. I knew nothing about Daniel Craig and was satisfied to occasionlly watch the old classics on TV.

Till now my friends. As part of the build-up to the release of A Quantum of Solace, Showtime has been running Casino Royale. Daniel Craig has completely won me over as the Best Bond Ever. He's a better actor than all the others put together. I have thorougly enjoyed those electric blue eyes and the way he looks in a tux. I think DC plays Bond as so much more multi-faceted than recent attempts: He can take care of 3 bad guys with steely-eyed precision, comfort the poor crying girl so tenderly it breaks your heart, then change his shirt and be back to the poker game in less than an hour looking fabulous and perfectly calm-for a while now I haven't believed that Bond could really do all that, but DC makes it so. The movie also goes back to the spare, understated style (and a little more like the books) of some of the earlier ones-less gadgets, more cleverness.

So, more information than you needed and a really long lead-up to exclaim that I am really looking forward to seeing this new Bond film. Here's an invitation: Come watch this guy save the world instead of pining away for another week until you can watch Edward lurk in the darkness.

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4 Mailed Boxes, 3 French Hens, 2 Turtle Doves

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree...

Yes! I got the 4 packages out the door. They are currently on my porch awaiting carrier pickup this very day. I used all recycled packaging, so my shelf full of boxes and envelopes in the basement earned its keep. I finished up a roll of packing tape, but fortunately, I had more and here's the miracle, it was in the place where it lives so I could find it!

I love having things NOT hanging over my head.

And, as the title might imply, we have started listening to Christmas music. We decided, after being in Home Depot on October 27 and seeing an entire greenhouse of Christmas decorations, that it was time to just succumb to Early-onset Christmas Season Syndrome and enjoy our favorite music of the year. It is definitely motivating me to get ready.

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Book Review

Child 44 by Tom Rob Smith
Adult Fiction
Thriller/Drama/Mystery

This book is about Leo, an MGB (Security Police) officer in Stalinist Russia. The principal action takes place in 1953. While the story is excellent-a thriller about trying to stop a serial killer-what I liked the most was the glimpse this book offers into life in the USSR. As a child of the Cold War, Russia and China were the great, mysterious enemies of my developmental years, so I've always been curious about what it was really like for every day Communists. The writing here is spare and matter of fact, which is exactly how I pictured life under Communism-emotions are subordinate to the requirements of survival. The layout of the book has all the dialog in italics preceeded by a dash and this atypical way of setting off people's words makes them seem somehow whispered, just in case someone is listening.

If you like police-type dramas, you'll probably like this one no matter what. If you don't like thrillers but might want to have your horizons widened about how the limitations and horrors of the Soviet system affected individuals just trying to live their lives, then check this one out. I don't usually reach for books of this type because frankly, I hate suspense, but this story had me captivated from the beginning. It is significant for me that I did not read the end first-I was that engaged.

There is violence and several descriptions of crime scenes and the brutality of the MGB's methods (including torture), but I did not find them gratuitous, instead they helped evoke the needed emotions for the story to have its full impact.

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Anti-Procrastination Week

I'm back from one of my three weekends a year where I play a working woman. This time, I was just 15 miles up the road in downtown Baltimore, but it is easier to just pretend I'm out of town and stay in the hotel rather than commute to the conference. So, I got to stay in a swanky Marriott, see my fun knitting friends, and make money waving pointy sticks around. It is a pretty good gig. It is really tiring though, so I'm glad I got done a day early so I could reenter life today instead of tomorrow.

Church today was great. Part of the regular worship service format was replaced today by the annual Primary Presentation, which is our children's organization showing off what they've learned throughout the year. This is the first time in 17 years that I haven't had a child participating. It was really fun to look back and remember all the good things my kids did in Primary. I just loved seeing kids that I know and love (or whose parents I know and love) shine. Everyone had a part, and they all did so well, even the little tiny ones. I saw true bravery, because they were standing in front of a congregation of 400 people and they sang and shared so beautifully. When a meeting is particularly satisfying and enjoyable in our church, we say that we felt the spirit there, meaning the spirit of God filling our hearts with good feelings, peace and comfort. Today was definitely one of those meetings.

Coming home always puts into sharp relief what I shoved out of the way to put my focus on getting ready for being gone. This time, the pile is large. One of the habits I've tried to extract from my Flylady experience is the concept of Anti-Procrastination Day. That is a day when one focuses on doing those things that get put off for whatever reason. I have a few tasks that I consistently let drop to the bottom of my list over and over again, so this week, in preparation for the holidays, I am making myself accountable to the entire cyber-universe by telling you what I simply MUST get off my list. I have so many things that I'm giving myself the whole week rather than just one day. I know I'll feel better when I do. I will report my progress throughout the week.

• Mailing 4 packages. Why oh why is mailing things so hard? It really isn't, but I make it so. I want packages to be just so-especially if they are gifts or care packages for my sons. So, instead of just getting them in the box, I fret about wrapping and making a card rather than just writing or typing a simple note. Oh. My. Goodness. I shoot myself in the foot in so many ways. So, I now have a Click-n-ship account on usps.com (BTW, click-n-ship combined with free carrier pick-up may possibly be the best inventions since, let's say, air and sunlight.), and I have been making improvments in this area.
  
• Finishing my address list for Christmas Cards. I've failed for the last 3 years to get Christmas cards out to more than the first 10 addresses on my list. This year, my goal is 30 cards. I have the card designed, I just need to upload it and get them ordered. That's not the hard part. I do that every year. The hard part is getting the addresses together, then spreading out the addressing, sealing, and stamping so I'm not stuck doing it all at once and getting overwhelmed. I really like writing our letter and sending out a card-so this is not a crazy-making tradition that needs to be jettisoned, it is one that is meaningful that I want to get better at.
  
• Getting my brother's wedding photos proofed and online for them to see. I'm embarrassed to say that 6 weeks have passed since the wedding and I'm still fussing. I think I can explain this one with a difficult situation that happened that related to the photography, but sheesh, can I just move on and get it out of my head?
  
• Filing the last month's mail. Yes, I said "MONTH'S!" Again, I don't know why this one is a hater for me. It takes minutes a day, but I don't like doing it. I can only try to explain it by comparing it to being strapped on an anthill. Now, admittedly, I've never experienced this, but I'm pretty sure it might not be as annoying as filing. My inner therapist says, "I think this one boils down to being afraid I'm doing it wrong. So, either I need to find that out and do it right, or stop imagining some big-brother type analyzing my filing and just be happy my system works for me."

Okay, that is plenty for one anti-procrastination week. Let's see how it goes.

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Eagle Project

Eagle Project
Originally uploaded by lelliekin

Here's Ev doing his bit for the trees and scouting. It was a hugely successful day with 67 volunteers (a large number of which were members of the Oakland Mills HS JV football team.) 220 trees planted, and beautiful weather to boot. Thanks to all who supported us in any way, whether with a shovel in your hand or simple good wishes in your heart.

Now I've figured out that you can just click on the image and it will take you to flickr where you can see more of the day if you want.

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Pentagon Memorial, Nov. 3, 2008

Pentagon Memorial, Nov. 3, 2008
Originally uploaded by lelliekin

Our visit to the Pentagon Memorial was really nice. It is an easy metro ride down-we caught the green line at Greenbelt, then changed to the yellow line at Ft. Totten, which took us all the way to the Pentagon. This is the first of the 9/11 memorials to be completed, so I'm glad we got to go. It is a beautiful place. I look forward to going back in the daylight. Click here to see all the photos.

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Catching up

I have a lot of post titles with those words in them, apparently. Oh well, that's what I'm doing. Today is November 3rd. The Election is tomorrow. I'm sure many of you didn't know that. We'll be out of limbo one way or the other.

School is out today and tomorrow, and I wish I could say that I have a lovely day out of doors planned for my kids. I don't. We are so busy all the time, that, when a day off comes, we just want to stay home in our jammies and veg out. Don't judge us. I will probably let my kids watch tv and play video games until I just can't stand it any more. I will be madly knitting on the last few rows of my project-for-hire and printing out the rest of my handouts for this weekend. You would think that I would enjoy connecting with my kids. Let me tell you about that. Sometimes, even now, I feel so "connected" to my kids that I wonder if the cord ever really got cut. We spend a lot of time together-and it is usually me trying to get them to DO something. They are very disciplined during the week, with little free time. So, it is a refreshing and restorative break in our routine to have me not trying to move them on to the next thing and them just enjoying life for a few hours. T'was not always thus, so this is just evidence of how seasons of life bring changes and new ways of doing things.

I just spent 1.5 hours catching up on blogs, leaving comments and trying to get back into life. I love my bloggy friends so much. I gain so much by enjoying this priviledged look into their varied and interesting and amazing lives. I love reading everything you write even if I'm speed-blogging and don't leave a comment. If I haven't made it round to comment on your blog for a week or so, I'll be back soon. It means a lot to me.

Before that I went for a seven mile run. Yep, seven miles. I can actually do that. It is making me feel a little proud that on a Monday morning, I can step out for a run and keep going (with only the occasional 30-yard walking break) for the same distance it takes me to drive to the mall. It helped trememdously that I had a good friend to keep me going. That, my friends, is a metaphor for life. I do need to remember to appreciate my body though-sometimes I don't.

Tonight, we are joining up with a friend and her kids to go visit the Pentagon 9/11 Memorial. I think it is a fitting place for my kids to be on the night before election day. It will help us all think about things we need to be thinking about. Hopefully I'll get a few photos to share.

So, now I will get up from the computer, get going on the things I need to get going on at my own pace, and enjoy the sound of people NOT rushing around. Have a lovely day.

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Out with the Old, In with the New

Yesterday marked the New Moon, so today, everything is starting over, at least from a lunar standpoint, which is just fine with me. This entire last month has been punctuated by a collection of stupid mistakes, uncomfortable moments, missteps, misunderstandings, and several regrettable episodes of utter dorkiness on my part. Well, more than usual, I should add. But, we all have them, and this too, shall pass. I stand with Anne Shirley (of Green Gables fame) and these words:

"...Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"

The good news is that the world is full of good and loving people who go out of their way to help dry tears and bring on the laughter and perspective. My heart is full and tender as I consider how fortunate I am on that score. Some of these tough times have yielded some of the most treasured moments of friendship in my recent memory. You have to fall down before someone can lift you up. I have experienced that this month.

So, I am officially moving on...What's going on in my life? I'm sure you are sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for the answer to that question. It is a somewhat quiet week during the days, but I do have to start getting ready for my conference next week-printing handouts, checking class notes, etc.

Volleyball is done, but Cross Country is in the post-season so Sam still has practice. He'll be running in Regionals tomorrow. Soccer goes for a couple more weeks. There is a lull this week in the seemingly endless round of dental appointments that my family has to endure because they inherited my poor teeth. All my kids have email accounts now, so we are trying out google calendar. We'll see how it works. It is interesting to actually see how the time gets blocked out, and I like that every kid can be in a different color and such. Someday when I get my iPhone, I can just have the calendar with me, either as a download or on the web. For now, I still make notes in my little book with my little pencil and it seems to work out.

Sam's Eagle Scout Project is this weekend. He and a fellow-scout are organizing the planting of 220 trees in a local neighborhood. It has been a huge challenge but a great learning experience. People have been great about helping out and being supportive of the huge amount of work it is to organize a team of volunteers. I'm just so grateful for the people in my life this week. I am, seriously, so blessed.

I am in the final stages of finishing up the knitting project I've been working on. Delivery is next week. Last week's movies were two different adaptations of Thomas Hardy's Tess of the D'Urbervilles. Both had their merits. I love the story and am about halfway through the book. I like other authors of this era, but I've just never got around to reading Thomas Hardy. I'm glad to be so now. This week I have a film called On a Clear Day about a Channel swimmer (as in the English Channel-big body of water there between England and France. My kids thought I was talking about a new television channel) and a film with Colin Firth called My Life So Far. If you've seen these films and I need to be saved from either one of them, let me know soon because tomorrow is the knitting day. I also got the classic film How Green Was My Valley, adapted from a favorite book, but I already know that one's good.

So there you go. Life always goes on and lucky for me, most of the time it really is good. I think I'll go change into one of my t-shirts.

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Saved by the Meme

Once again, I was having trouble figuring out what to write about , when Melissa over at Book Nut, a talented writer and also my pal from the Nook, came to the rescue and tagged me for a meme. This is a fun one for me.

The rules: go to your pictures folder and select the 4th folder. Within that folder, you select the 4th picture and post it online:


This is from my folder labeled Portfolio, which actually is the 4th folder in iPhoto, and it is from a wedding I shot in 2003. It was maybe the 2nd one I ever did for money. This is film, then scanned in, so it is not the greatest image ever, but I still like it well enough to keep in in my portfolio. It is so amazing to think back to that wedding and compare what I know now with what I knew then. Some things I would definitely do differently, of course, but some things, I'm happy to say, actually are my "style" and reflect my aesthetic sensibilities. That is kind of satisfying to see.

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The Best Thing About Being a Married Man is...

When, after your wife cooks you a delicious dinner, you sit down with your son and play board games, while the smiling wife and daughter clean up the dishes.















I don't usually get email forwards worth sharing, but this was rich. At least we can be grateful that times have changed somewhat.

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More Election Silliness

Now, in the final days, the election funnies are just flooding my inbox. So, I present for your enjoyment, in case you haven't seen this yet, the lastest contestants on Dancing with the Stars.

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From a knitting pal-make your own president!

From my darling, fun friend, comes this bit of political activism I can get my hooks into. Budump bah!

Hold Your Own Debate With Presidential Finger Puppets

These are serious times and we have a serious choice to make, but that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun! Who do yarn lovers choose for president? Tell us who your presidential pick is and we'll publish the results! Click here to vote!

Free Pattern: Crochet Barack Obama Free Pattern: Crochet John McCain

Make one or both of the candidates and make someone smile! Cross-posted to knittinginspiration.com

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8 Things

I got tagged by Christie, relieving me from the task of trying to find something to write about since all I want to do is complain about my painful nose. The bridge of my nose is mysteriously swollen, feels like someone hit it, and it really hurts to move my face in any way. Oh wait, I wasn't going to complain. On to the meme...

8 TV Shows I love to watch:
1. Survivorman

2. Mythbusters
3. The Office
4. How Clean is Your House (BBC America)
5. Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (ditto)
6. You are What You Eat (ditto)
7. Dirty Jobs
8. Dave Ramsey Show (no relation to Gordon Ramsay above)

8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. Tersiguel's (Super Splurge French)
2. Jordan's Steakhouse (Super Splurge Amazing Steaks)
3. Victoria Gastro Pub (New, kinda different and quite reasonable)
4. Bombay Grill (our fave sit-down Indian place)
5. La Tasca (Tapas overlooking Baltimore Harbor)
6. Eggspectation (My old reliable-I always find something I like there)
7. La Madelaine (Many fond memories and fun lunches with pals)
8. Akbar (our fave takeout Indian place)

8 Things That Happened Yesterday:
1. I made it through my 6 mile run in spite of waking up with a headache (no nose-ache yet)
2. Got rid of 5 or 6 boxes of utter junk from our storage unit
3. Watched Dan in Real Life while working on the above
4. Talked Sam into mowing the lawn
5. Threw the football with Evan
6. Made little Caprese Crostini after watching Giada DiLaurentis make them. They were really, really good and really, really easy.
7. Drove to the temple for a meeting, got there way too late because of traffic, felt sad because I didn't have my camera with me, sat and wrote in my journal for a few minutes and looked at the temple, glorious in the setting sun, then drove home.
8. Went to Evan' 8:30 pm soccer game and felt really cold for the first time this season.

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To:
1. The holidays
2. Paying off the cars and house
3. Getting letters from Chile
4. getting rid of the storage unit so I'll have that much more money available for #2
5. Running another half marathon next year
6. Going to England, then Europe in the next 3 years.
7. sitting around our little fireplace in the yard
8. Going to the cabin for my girls' weekend in January

8 Things On My WishList:
This is in no particular order.
1. photoshop cs3 or 4
2. Macbook Pro and separate monitor
3. Cabin in some fun spot for my family to gather to
4. This awesome pair of pants from the title9 catalog
5. Time to knit all the socks I want to knit
6. To learn to surf and relearn to ski before I completely lose my nerve
7. To decide what I want to be when I grow up
8. Time to read all the books I want to read

8 People I'm tagging:
1. Mandi
2. Holly
3. Heather
4. Krista
5. Julia
6. Erin
7. Mendy
8. Tracy

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What I Love About America: A Stubbornly Positive, Non-Partisan Salute

The election is almost here. There is bad news all around. The campaign managers on both sides are getting desperate. It is hazardous to one's blood pressure to turn on any media outlet. I choose to transcend rather than submit. No matter what happens on Nov. 4th, America will endure. That is a big deal. I'm shamelessly proud to be an American, no matter who is president, because dang it, America works-and even if governments and state-run news agencies all over the world hate us, all their people want to come live here. So here is what I thought about today that I love about America:

As I drove around, I saw lots of signs supporting one candidate or another. All of them are elegant and pretty simple. Just a name and maybe a logo. I love that in America, we have no freakish, painted portraits of our leaders staring down at us from public buildings everywhere. I love that it is not mandatory to put up statues of the sitting president in every town square.

I love that, even though it is imperfect and gets abused, there is an election system that mostly works. Americans are decent people who like to live by the rules, and even though the wacky few on both sides who don't are the ones who make the news, most of us, regardless of our political party, still take turns at 4-way stop signs and vote honestly.

I love that the lady who checks me in at our polling place is my neighbor Wendy, and she is not guarded by a soldier with a sub-machine gun in his hand. It reminds me that no matter what is happening down there inside the beltway, most of the real work of America is done in homes and schools and churches and county council meetings and soccer games and that We the People will carry on doing good and helping each other. Really-no matter what!

I even love (in principle) the yelling back and forth in the news. I'll take freedom of speech and an ugly ad any day because I can also have Jon Stewart and The Capitol Steps to make me laugh about it later. We are passionate because we can be, and it is amazing and awesome to me that we can express our opinions and even shout at each other all we want and feel pretty sure that nobody is going to pull a gun on their opponent, and no government official is going to pull the plug on the broadcast. I love that Tina Fey's family doesn't have to worry about her disappearing in the middle of the night and that a candidate can publicly take the high road and refuse to suborn bigotry in one of his supporters. I love that in America, after a long day of political posturing, we get into our jammies, laugh at ourselves on late-night tv and then get up in the morning and get on with life.

I love America and the elegance of our Constitutional Republic. If Obama wins, whether you agree with him or not, I believe it is appropriate to respect the office and acknowledge his victory as yet another amazing, peaceful, bloodless change of government. That is a miracle in this crazy world. It actually is. I am grateful that though we are dealing with difficult times, I am not in fear that a civil war is going to break out on November 5th. I pray for all the mothers in the world who are not so lucky.

The Real America is found in the strength, the persistance and the muleheaded determination of her people to be free. Freedom will always come at a price, whether it is a revolution or a contentious election, and I believe that freedom to be worth the price. So bring it on America! Take a stand! Shout it to the rooftops because you can! In the end, we're all on the same side and America will endure.

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I See the Moon and the Moon Sees Me

Canon 70-200 zoom lens, f2.8, 1/30 sec.

Tonight is one of those great skies that happen when the seasons start to change. The perfect, full moon is still out there, drifting in and out of beautiful clouds, making the most interesting, moody night. It is calling to me, but I'm calling it a night instead and remembering that there will be another full moon in about 4 weeks. I haven't yet been successful, in all my years of photographing the moon, at underexposing it just enough to get it in the shot but have the surface details actually show up. My moon-face is always blown out. But now I have my super-duper lens, so I'll be trying, probably every month, to get some cool new effects. I do love the skies.

Tonight, the photography was what it used to be for me-a refuge, an escape from the normal business of my life. Everything is good and happy, and everyone is well, I just needed a break. To think, to dream a bit. To look on beauty instead of a pile of mail to be sorted or yet another load of laundry. Other than wondering if I was freaking out the neighbors, it was really restorative to stand out in the road, aiming my camera, changing the settings in a precise pattern, then capturing an image that was, for the most part, under my control. I love nature photography because of the chance to be quiet, to slow down, to really look. Plus, I'm left with evidence of my effort, something that is often frustratingly absent from a mother's day.

Canon 70-200 zoom lens, f32, 15 sec.

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Vampire Night

The fact that Eric is gone overnight has combined with the fact that I fell asleep in the car for a 90 minute evening nap at Evan's soccer practice to completely mess up my sleep cycle. So, in the spirit of productive sleeplessness, I got completely through all my google reader new items, actually commented on a few blogs and now I'm enjoying some toasted homemade bread and contemplating a cup of cocoa. I really craving grits with butter. Yes, that is one of my favorite foods. It is not at all vampirish, but it is so good. I'm not going to go to all the trouble to make it now, but definitely tomorrow for breakfast or lunch.
Actually, I have groceries to put away, yes at this ridiculous hour, because I was supposed to go get groceries during the aforementioned soccer practice. Obviously that didn't happen. Then I was going to go after family night festivities, but Sara has been weirdly sick for a week and I figured I'd better go see what's going on, so she and I went to Nighttime Pediatrics. It was worthwhile to find out what it's not (not mono, not strep, not flu) and just tuck in to ride out the virus. So that was handled.
THEN, because breakfast looms, I went to the Grocery Store. Harris Teeter was open, but only the self-checkout lanes were available. I had a whole cartful and of course the self-checkout takes forever under those circumstances. Or maybe it's just me that can't seem to work the scanner, bag the stuff without making the very persnickety talking lady inside the computer mad and do it all with people staring at me. It probably is just me, but there you go. There were two customers in the store and 6 workers standing there watching us take forever to check out. But no, they could not open a regular checkout lane that late at night. Note to Future-Kellie: Don't go to Harris Teeter after 10 pm if you are buying more than 3 things. Just don't do it. So, after all that, we got home around 11 and I thought I'd just fall gratefully into bed after making my rounds of putting the house to sleep. Yet here I am...
Now I think I'm done being distracted by the computer and I'm back round to the 12 bags of groceries waiting patiently on the floor of my house. There are no perishables, so it is tempting to let them sit, but knowing I have 14 guests coming at 5:50 am is a powerful motivator. So, I will go do it and maybe it will make me tired enough to finally have that grateful fall into blissful slumber.

'Night.

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Photo Tips

I just wrote up some of my top tips from the Photography Retreat here. I'll try to share more as I accumulate images that reflect the techniques.

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Back from CPR

Creative Photography Retreat, not Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation. It was held in Connecticut, hosted by the folks who publish all those Creating Keepsakes Magazines. My wonderful pal and I got to spend 3 lovely days together learning so much about our beloved obsession with cameras that my brain is about to burst. I can't wait to go over my notes and digest all the good stuff I got to hear about and try.

Without going into technical detail (I'll save that for the photo blogs), here are the reasons this weekend was important and worth both the expense and the time away from my family:

• I'm excited about photography in a way that has eluded me for a while.
• I know more than I thought I did about photography and Photoshop.
• There is still a lot more for me to learn.
• There are many different definitions of expert, with many different approaches and levels of expertise. It was so interesting to have one teacher teach one thing, then have the next teacher teach the total opposite of the first teacher's ideas. To quote another one of my instructors, my mind is BLOWN!
  
• I have apparently been living in a cave because I had never heard of Scott Kelby. Well, I knew some of his work, I just didn't know his name. I'll be sharing even more links as I dig back to the surface through the avalanche of great new info under which I am currently buried.
• My pal and I have not seen each other in months and it was absolute bliss to have this time to just be together. Every moment was truly enjoyable.

It is so good to be home, though, as it always is these days. I could not drive fast enough to get back to my family.

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Catching up on the Family

Here is the latest on what everyone is up to. Pardon the odd mix of complete sentences and weird fragments.

Jeff, at Brigham Young University: Found a job-started today-really likes it. Cooked his first crock-pot roast yesterday-it was a bit dry, but he had fun with the process. According to his facebook profile, he officially has a girlfriend. She is lovely, but I don't want to jinx it or anything.

Johnathan, also in Provo, Utah but installed at the Missionary Training Center there: We've had two letters from the MTC-all is well. He needs more socks and a sweatshirt, but sounds happy and fully engaged in what he's doing. He says the food is good and the Spanish is challenging.

Sam: Doing well in cross-country. Working on a boy scout Eagle Project. Doing well in school-had a ton of fun with Spirit week before Homecoming. Looking forward to wrestling season. Should have driver's license very soon.

Sara: Her volleyball team won today against Wilde Lake High. She actually got some playing time in the third game. Loves high school but lost her phone and is bereft but I'm proud of how she handled the situation.

Evan: Swamped by the famous Middle School Homework Load of Howard County. Seriously, there is more homework in 7th grade than there is in 11th grade. Go figure. Enjoying soccer. Practice and games are his only respite from his Napoleon Bonaparte Project. He did not laugh when I told him he should have chosen to study Napoleon Dynamite instead.



Tonight, we waited until 8:30 when everyone finally got home and had an actual dinner together around the table. I was determined. Because I am on a fall decorating kick, we even had a tablecloth. It was lovely. It is such a pleasure to gather the family around and see them interact. It is still very strange to get down only 5 plates for dinner and have no leaves in our dining room table. Very strange. That feeling is tempered by knowing that everyone is well and still part of our family circle as we pray for them, include them in the conversation and enjoy their accomplishments. It is a good time of life.

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Simplifying

One of the fall instincts is nesting, so I've been putting a fair amount of regular effort into lightening up. Seashells have always been powerful symbols for me-they are beautiful just as they are, even when they are broken, and I like to look to them for a little inspiration toward natural perfection.

To that end, I've listed books on Amazon Marketplace as well as Bookmooch. I'm working at using what I have for gifts and crafts. I'm trying to cook from the pantry and get out of some of the wild and crazy habits of the Summer of Celebrating Sons when we ate out like, once a week. It is good and satisfying to be creative in this way, to sort of get back to basics. It brings a kind of focus, an almost meditative quality to my daily tasks. We also had the Summer of Sending Sons off to Places and pretty much bled money from every pore. So, my bank account is breathing a sigh of relief that I've cut the budget by, like a half to two thirds for some line items. It is good to remember that I can live simply and make do. I can have an abundance mentality: Right now, in this moment, I have enough.

My goal is to maintain a sort of equilibrium wherein I have the right amount of stuff and when I get new stuff, old stuff goes away to make room for it. I've always made a habit of this-my kids automatically start a goodwill bag whenever they get new things, but I'm trying to get the set-point down-I want the equilibrium to be smaller. I want the house to have a cleaner, emptier feel. I mean, I like my cottagy little nest, with all it's interesting piles of books and knick-knacks and memories everywhere, and I'm not comparing my cozy little home to anyone else's but there are places that need to be open and restful for the eyes. That's what I'm after-not bare, just less busy. I think small homes can seem spacious and I want mine to seem that way.

It will continue to be a lifelong process because just this morning, I had to use a lot of self-discipline to throw away a stray shoelace I found wadded up on the ground. I'm a natural packrat and I just couldn't exorcise that nagging phantom in my head telling me, "This might come in handy someday." Well, I have a whole basement of stuff waiting for its fifteen minutes of fame, and most of it has never seen the light of day, let alone the limelight. It's time to trust that even if I don't store it, when the time comes, I'll have what I need. Or better yet, maybe I'll discover that I didn't really need it at all.

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The Secret of Roan Inish

I have a real, important knitting deadline (test knitting for a soon-to-be-published book), so I've been queuing up movies to watch and audio books to listen to while I race to get something done quickly and in a focused manner (not my usual method). Yesterday at the library I picked up this old favorite. It combines so many things that I love: Ireland, mythology, music, magic and, of course, the sea. Ah, it's a lovely story and a lovely film. I spent a cozy afternoon knitting and watching with a cup of cocoa nearby and I'll probably watch it again tomorrow. I'm such a sap. Well, and after all, I do have that deadline.

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Photos from the trip

Here are a few views of the trip.

The Boys

The moment before the big moment

My boy becomes a missionary

Jeff's awesome college digs-note the couches in the yard

Autumn in the Wasatch Front

My brother with his gorgeous new family and my folks. We call them Barbie and Ken for short.

We were all pretty much just basking in their reflected glow

It took a lot for both of them to get here, and this photo just says, "We made it, babe!" to me.

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Up Early in Flagstaff

I'm here in gorgeous Flagstaff, AZ now. I'm up at a ludicrous hour, so maybe I'll see the sunrise over the moutains. My luggage came to Lisa's house on Wednesday night and on Thursday afternoon I flew down here. Eric headed home. So, I got to wear jammies the last two nights and wear mascara; and best of all, I've been distributing the treasured books to all my siblings. So, all's well that ends well.

Wednesday was a great day. I don't have a card reader here, so I'll have to put up pictures later, but suffice it to say that there are events which focus all the effort of mothering into a single moment, like light through a prism, and you are blessed to see that it was all worth it-what seems sometimes like just plain, colorless, hard work is revealed instead to have yielded a full-spectrumed, miraculous, separate, beautiful human being. You have the knowledge confirmed in your mind that your efforts, while imperfect, were enough. I like the word enough. We all need to remember to feel that when it happens, and I'm grateful for this moment to remind me. While I've had many tender emotions this week, and certainly I'll miss having Johnathan around, I'm not pining for him. It is a good tenderness-sort of like being sore after a good workout. After we focused on Johnathan in the morning, we got to spend the afternoon and evening with Jeff. That was great-he is becoming a good man. We had such fun. He is thriving in the school environment. Watch for photos of his fabulous college abode. Fun times...

Yesterday, we were going to take our photo safari through the mountains, but Eric got sick. He spent the morning in bed and I hung out with Lisa's 4-year old, took a few photos from their yard, then we took off for the airport. The schedule got us there about 2.5 hours early, so our big romantic moment of the trip was sitting next to each other in the airport for that time and chatting. We got on different planes at the same time and off we went-me south and him east. Luckily, by the time he got to Chicago, he was feeling better. He's home now and all seems to be well there. Thanks go out from deep in my heart to all the angels that watched over my kids.

Today we're on to wedding festivities. Ryan and his lovely bride have planned a fun, casual celebration, with a family picnic this afternoon, a reception tonight (yes, before the wedding-apparently that is a new trend), then down to the valley tomorrow for the wedding. After the ceremony there will be another casual family gathering at a restaurant, then R & M are off on their new life together. I like that it is a low-stress operation for all involved. No bridezillas, groomzillas or parentzillas here, so it should be really enjoyable.

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Howdy from the Everlasting HIlls

I'm in Midway, Utah, and the title comes from a nickname I've heard for the mountains of Utah. I'm at the lovely home of my friend Lisa. My suitcase is lost, I slept in my clothes, haven't managed to snag a toothbrush yet and the Southwest folks are "puzzled" as to where my stuff might be. They said several times,"Wow, it really should be here by now." That is a helpful statement from a customer service rep, yes? In 32 years of flying, I've never lost a suitcase, so I won't complain, and I guess I am none too smart when it comes to putting emergency gear in a carry-on. My biggest heartbreak is not the clothes, I can figure that problem out, it's the 8 family reunion photo books that I had in there to take to my family in Arizona. I'll be really sad if I never see those again. I just couldn't fit those in my carry-on items because I brought all my camera gear and that HAS to be carried on. I don't have fancy enough cases to trust it to the baggage handlers. Anyway, this is one of those times when I'm glad to be fairly low-maintenance. Now the big adventure will be whether or not I get it before I leave tomorrow for Arizona. I have visions of Meet the Parents and it finding me just as I'm ready to head home.

In better news, we had a really fun night last night with a reunion of sorts for all the kids we know from church that are out here at BYU. It was great for Johnathan to have a memorable evening with his pals before he begins his missionary service. Lisa is a master of hospitality and making people feel welcome without any fuss or ostentation-just take-and-bake pizza (something the east coast needs, I think) and paper plates. I love seeing her house, too. It completely inspires me. She had told me the story when they were living in Maryland for a year (that's how I met her), and it makes me smile to see it in person. They bought a small house about 10 years ago and have completely remade it into a real dream home. I like the way they designed all the spaces to be cozy and livable and REAL, not just huge and impressive, like so many new homes are designed today. I love the work of Sarah Susanka, and this house fits her not-so-big principles perfectly. Add to the mix that another of Lisa's talents is decorating, and you end up with a place that really feels like a haven, not just a building with high ceilings and fancy details that don't have much purpose for a busy family. I'm so happy for their success in perservering over 8-10 years of gradual additions and working on it when they had the money, etc. It makes it seem doable for anyone.

Today we will have time to hang out on the campus of BYU, where the Missionary Training Center is located, drop Johnathan off and say goodbye, then maybe take a drive through the mountains. There is a Utah version of fall going on, with splashes of color against the desert and I want to see it. It is nothing like an Eastern autumn, but I wouldn't want it to be-it is beautiful in its own way. The light in the mountains, with the high elevations, is different and beautiful. It is stark out here, but so dramatic and BIG. I love the contrast between Maryland and here. Hopefully, we'll have pictures soon.

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