This body...

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When I turned 50, I felt healthy and generally good. I knew I had some arthritis in a few of my joints, but nothing was causing any real pain--just some stiffness in the morning when I first woke up.  Last year, 51 brought a serious downturn. Ugh. At the end of September, I felt great. I was losing some weight, I'd been successfully doing strength training with my neighbor and seeing some real results, I was able to walk 30,000 steps a day in Europe with two girls at least 10 years younger than me, and I was pretty pleased with myself.

In October, something in my body clicked over. I started having weird lower-back pain on one side, lost flexibility in my hips, and started feeling stiffness in my neck. A normal 3-4 mile run felt harder than it ever has. Getting moving in the morning went from a few stretches to limping while sucking in my breath between my teeth as soon as my body unfurled from sleep and my feet hit the floor. The same strength workout that a month ago had felt challenging yet fun was now causing actual pain in several places.

I went to the doctor. If you want to be dismissed quickly by a doctor, say the words "lower back pain." The orthopedist I went to didn't even let me finish my sentences and tell him all the things I was experiencing. He said it was either an injury and would go away or I needed to strengthen my core and lose weight.

I went to my new primary care doctor and, while she didn't dismiss me and did order x-rays, she said basically the same thing as the ortho guy. The x-rays were inconclusive. Maybe arthritis, but not a lot of evidence of arthritis in the places that hurt—probably just a weak core, too much weight and a lifetime of heavy use of my limbs and back. Ugh. Then, as an afterthought, because of longtime carpal tunnel symptoms, she did ask me to see a neurologist.

Finally, after many months, I was able to get an appointment with the recommended neurologist . I read her reviews and she is beloved for the time she takes with patients. I went today, and though I waited for a really long time, the office staff was really nice, and Dr. G was indeed very caring and thorough. She asked a lot of questions, restated what I told her, had me listen to what she told the scribe and correct if needed,  and made me feel like she really was trying to understand what was going on. The big surprise was that I went in for my hands and left with insight about my back. She tested all my reflexes and when she got to my ankles she tapped, then said, “Ah, you’re having back pain, aren’t you?” I said yes, a little surprised.

So, now, in addition t o being tested for the carpal and cubital tunnel syndrome that I was pretty sure was my main problem, I’m also being tested for Radiculopathy (all I can think of is the spell to get rid of a boggart, if ya know what I mean) which is basically pinched nerves in my back. And I wish there was a spell I could use to laugh it off, because dang it, she was using words like surgery and disc damage and all the other stuff that happens to other 50-something people, but not to ME! Ugh again. Okay, rant over. It’s all good. I can manage the pain without drugs, I can still do all the things I want to do—she confirmed that movement is important and useful, so okay. Deep breath. I won’t abandon my plan to do my major road trip. I just need to do better at listening to my body. And go to the nearest truck stop and get some serious sitting pads and other cool driving swag. (Here’s a funny little thing. My name for the road trip is the Ridiculous Road Trip. No Joke. Apparently I already knew somehow.)

via GIPHY

Anyway, the disc issues are probably in the cervical and/ or lumbar areas of my spine. I have tests scheduled in the coming weeks, then I’ll know more. “Yay! I can finally cross ‘getting an MRI’ off my life list,” said no one, ever.

Okay, let’s take a deep breath here. I’m wordy and emotional, but In spite of my above rant, I’m surprised but not panicked, and mostly just sighing (okay, yes, I’m sighing loudly) at the process of aging. In researching this, it’s probably caused by all the things I’ve built my life around: having babies, carrying babies, running, walking, hiking, lifting heavy objects, bending and stretching to take pictures, sitting at my computer and editing them, etc.. It’s wear and tear, nothing more, nothing less. And yes, I’ve made it to 52 without getting an MRI for anything, so I really can’t complain, and I promise I won’t anymore. I like stuff I own to acquire the patina of a useful life, and this is mine, I suppose. There’s a scripture that talks about wasting and wearing out our lives in the service of God as a good and praiseworthy thing, and thinking of this particular development in that way actually helps. I have tried to use all my resources and do all the things, and if the price for that is an MRI, some pain, a few doctor’s visits, and maybe some surgery, well, lucky me, frankly.

And hey ho, if I get my back figured out, my fingers might not be numb any more, so...bonus!

As one of my major idols, Elizabeth Zimmerman would say, “Onward.”

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Wedding Times

It's still sort of everything, all the time, but mostly, it's the wedding times. Jeff and Ashlyn are here, along with the cutest baby girl I currently know. The guest space I carved out of the basement is working well. There's still more to do in terms of clearing things out, but I'm really pleased at what we made. I actually feel like I have a legitimate offer to make when people come to visit; an area where they can have some privacy and peace. There's a real bed, a comfy chair and light to read by. It's the best I could do right now, and I think it's enough.

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When I Become Unrecognizable

Disclaimer: This post will quite possibly read as self-centered and shallow. I know we all have problems, and I'm not writing about big ones here, but they matter to me. Feel free to skip it, but it's what I'm thinking about.

It's inevitable as we age for our appearance to change.

I am mentally aware of this fact. Seeing it unfold before my eyes and become viscerally real is sometimes a challenge.

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A Strange View

Sometimes I have so much to write about and so many other things to do that I get hopelessly behind, as I am now. So, I'm going to begin where I am and add in posts about the past weeks as I get photos organized and ideas captured.

One big thing that has happened to me is that my eyes have changed. I don't know if it's just the impending 47 in a few days or something else, but in spite of a new prescription for my glasses, attempts to change the lighting and positioning of my screens when I use them, and a LOT of muttering and complaining, I can only work comfortably in front of a screen or even read or knit for very short minutes at a time, then everything goes double. Everywhere. Yes, I am going to check in with an ophthalmologist, but in the meantime, all my screen time has been saved for work. And I've had work aplenty. With more to come. Which is a blessing.

But I miss my old eyes. Or my young ones, to be more precise. The ones before. You know what I mean.

So, here is Summer '13, briefly, through my new eyes. The ones that are now acting old. Because already I need to stop and look away.

• Sam came home from California. 
• Sara finally received her mission call. (I did already write about that, but it happened here in the timeline.)
• I helped out at Pioneer Trek, a youth retreat that reenacts the journey of the Mormon Pioneers. 
• I went on a fabulous trip west to see family. 
• I stopped in AZ for my parents' 50th anniversary party. 
• I went to San Diego with Eric and all of our kids. 
• I went back to AZ to spend some days with my folks. 
• I came home for 4 days. 
• I went to Girls' Camp. 
• I came home for 9 days. 
• I went to Chicago. 
• I'm now home for 5 days. 
• I will leave on Saturday to take Sam out to school and bring Sara home. 

Stay tuned, my 6 dear readers. I'll be back to catch up. 

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Not Exactly Alliteration, But Close

That is the subtitle. Here's the actual title: School, Chicago, Surgery and Other Stuff. See? Almost poetic, but Sicago just doesn't sound right.

First, school. Today the teens started their Senior and Sophomore years. It was my daughter's last first day of school. That always gives me pause. Another one of my kids nearly done with childhood. Anyway, that's another post. Evan is into his second year of high school and went dressed quite fashionably for a boy who used to take pride in wearing the same socks for a week at a time. It's fun to see them grow up.  I like them both so much--you can see below how likable they are.

Next, Chicago. My conference was great, in spite of my stress over Irene. I helped to present the Opening Day Spotlight with a jacket design project in which I participated with several other friends. We all started with the same plan for a jacket and every one  of us came up with a completely unique product. It was really fun to work with these gals on this.

Photo by Lisa Mannes

In the end, I moved my flight forward a day because of predicted travel chaos, then when things calmed down, I wasn't able to move it back, so I was blessed with a lovely found afternoon to spend in downtown Chicago.

I began by parking at the North Ave. Beach Park where there is a beach house shaped like a boat, walked south on the Lakefront Trail to Navy Pier, took an architectural boat tour on the Chicago River and the lake and saw many of the great buildings of this favorite of cities. I then rented a b-cycle (as easy as grabbing a cart at the airport) and rode back up the trail to the  Nature Museum, where there was another b-station location. It was a crystal-clear day with a crisp breeze and even though I would rather have been home in my heart of hearts, I really did enjoy this chance to just explore without an agenda, without having to be in charge of whether or not anyone else was having a good day, and just sort of go where the wind blew me. I tried to be in the moment and really drink in the sights, sounds and sensations of the city.

The skyline comes into view

Lake Michigan is, apparently,  full of love.
I found lots of heart-shaped rocks.

Hancock Building

Wrigley Bldg. on left, Chicago Tribune Bldg.
on right. 

Lighthouse on the lake

Skyline view from the SeaDawg

Stained glass in the Navy Pier gallery-
there is a whole installation of these
beauties in there!

Another gorgeous stained glass window.
This one reminds me of a quilt.  

I like this view of the skyline because it shows both the
Hancock and Willis (Sears) Tower

a b-cycle station at the Nature Museum,
right by the Lincoln Park Zoo. 

Me and my b-cycle. DC has rental bikes
like this and I think I may make a habit
of using them when I metro downtown.
It was easy and saved me a lot of time. 

And now, last and probably least, Surgery.  I had that BCC removed from my nose today. Everything went fine. Dr. Dawn and his darling helper Chinell carved an impressive hole in the side of my nose (I made them show me because I actually think it is interesting rather than gross), then he made a neat flap out of some of my cheek skin and sewed it back up again with many, many tiny stitches. So, now I can say I've had a nose job. Or maybe an under-eye tuck.  But really, for the moment, I can say I Am Lord Voldemort. Check out this action. I think the bandage and the droopy eye due to the anesthetic make a very friendly look. The good news is that they got all the cancer cells, and any soreness has been manageable with a little ibuprofen. That's not to say that I won't be glad to be free of my dressing-that-must-not-be-named tomorrow, but I can't complain one bit about any of it. Thank goodness for my slight OCD about medical conditions and the miracles of modern surgery.

Keldemort

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