I finally realized, due to having to write so much for actual work endeavors, writing here doesn't always feel like the relaxing treat it once did. It feels a bit like another assignment. It still matters to me to write here though, and go through the process of reframing my experiences to extract the good, so I will continue, even if it's in small bites.
busy
All about July, Man-Frames and Mascara
August 1, 2014 • busy, empty nest, Evan, garden
Is it really August? I'm not ready yet.
I worked a lot in July, and apparently was so busy that I forgot to notice the time passing. The nice thing was that most of it was self-employed tasks that I could do whenever I wanted.
I worked a lot in July, and apparently was so busy that I forgot to notice the time passing. The nice thing was that most of it was self-employed tasks that I could do whenever I wanted.
Winter Thursday
January 10, 2013 • busy, hermit-like tendencies, home, productivity, thinking out loud
So, here is what I've done since 5:40 am (Yes, that's late. We are all supposed to be up by 5):
- Drove Ev to seminary
- Got the Christmas decorations put away
- Put out the garbage
- Put in a load of laundry plus folded another one
- Cleaned up the kitchen
- Decluttered in my office area
- Wrote two blog posts for my knit blog to be published while I'm out of town this weekend
- Listened to the Book of Mormon audiobook (the actual Book of Mormon, no affiliation to the musical, haha)
- Wrote a letter to my son in California
- Actually mailed said letter (the greater triumph, really)
- Answered some emails
- Fed the animals
- And last but not least, folded the second load of laundry, wrote this blog post and got ready to go run some errands.
I really want a nap, but if I just keep moving, I'll be fine, right?
Caught Napping
September 10, 2012 • busy, kids, thinking out loud
I feel to say Phew. For the first time since April, there is nothing big on my calendar for a long, long time. I'm back to normal life, whatever that is.
Every single thing I've been doing since then has been really awesome. But it must mean something that after I got the only child off to school this morning and ticked a few things off my to-do list and figured out dinner, I put on my calendar and list to take a nap. No guilt. I was already slowing down after 4 hours of the day gone by. I gave myself an hour to sleep. I woke up after 3 hours. Didn't even hear my timer. It was such a deep sleep that I felt like I was coming out of anesthesia when I decided I must get myself going. As in my limbs felt heavy. As in I couldn't grasp anything in my hands and felt like I was wrapped in a sleeping bag. Anyway, I think that means my body is letting down after being on alert for so long. The same thing happened on Saturday. I thought I'd take a teeny little nap and woke up in a fog a LONG time later. I must need the rest.
But it is time to get going again. It's a beautiful day today. I want to go for a walk and listen to my book. I want to work on some projects and bask in my lovely clean house (I mucked it out big time so I could help to host a shower for my pal who is expecting twins). I already ate a good breakfast and practiced piano and made up the treat list for seminary and wrote my kids a nice long email, and so in lots of ways, it's already been a productive day. And if my nap helps me to do all the stuff I still have yet to get through (such as a rec-league lacrosse game for the only child that starts at 9:00 PM!!??), then I guess that was productive, too.
I still have a lot to digest and think about from my 5 months of big things, and some of the jobs are not yet fully done, and I have some bridges to try and rebuild and some traditions to try and preserve and 4 children out of the nest to support while I still finish raising the last. Yes, the nap was a good thing. That's a lot for any brain to try and juggle. Life never actually gets easier, it just shifts and changes and morphs from one kind of challenge to another, sometimes so sneakily that you don't even notice.
Every single thing I've been doing since then has been really awesome. But it must mean something that after I got the only child off to school this morning and ticked a few things off my to-do list and figured out dinner, I put on my calendar and list to take a nap. No guilt. I was already slowing down after 4 hours of the day gone by. I gave myself an hour to sleep. I woke up after 3 hours. Didn't even hear my timer. It was such a deep sleep that I felt like I was coming out of anesthesia when I decided I must get myself going. As in my limbs felt heavy. As in I couldn't grasp anything in my hands and felt like I was wrapped in a sleeping bag. Anyway, I think that means my body is letting down after being on alert for so long. The same thing happened on Saturday. I thought I'd take a teeny little nap and woke up in a fog a LONG time later. I must need the rest.
But it is time to get going again. It's a beautiful day today. I want to go for a walk and listen to my book. I want to work on some projects and bask in my lovely clean house (I mucked it out big time so I could help to host a shower for my pal who is expecting twins). I already ate a good breakfast and practiced piano and made up the treat list for seminary and wrote my kids a nice long email, and so in lots of ways, it's already been a productive day. And if my nap helps me to do all the stuff I still have yet to get through (such as a rec-league lacrosse game for the only child that starts at 9:00 PM!!??), then I guess that was productive, too.
I still have a lot to digest and think about from my 5 months of big things, and some of the jobs are not yet fully done, and I have some bridges to try and rebuild and some traditions to try and preserve and 4 children out of the nest to support while I still finish raising the last. Yes, the nap was a good thing. That's a lot for any brain to try and juggle. Life never actually gets easier, it just shifts and changes and morphs from one kind of challenge to another, sometimes so sneakily that you don't even notice.
Do What You Can
June 28, 2012 • 2012, anxiety, busy, thinking out loud
Today there is nothing specific on my calendar except a meeting tonight with a group of teens to finish some planning for a youth retreat that is happening next week. However, my to do list is very long and I'm running into that strange wall of feeling like I have so many things to get done that I can't think of them all, and worse, I'll never get everything done. Thus, I'm slowing down instead of moving forward due to my nagging fear about failing to get anything right.
I've made out my list, but some of the things are not specific enough to be helpful, so even getting the big, desired outcomes shaped into tasks becomes one of the things to do.
It's the process of breaking the elephant into bite-sized pieces and I'm impatient so I want to eat the elephant all at once even know I know I'll get sick. Wait a minute! Who wants to eat an elephant anyway? I get the purpose of that metaphor but sheesh, can I talk about eating a nice big pot of stroganoff or or a giant bowl of strawberries or something? No. Because I would get bored AND sick if I tried to eat that much of anything, be it elephant or otherwise. I have to work within my parameters. I have to see my tasks as even desirable and worthwhile, AND I have multiple projects going on at once, so I can't focus entirely on one pot of stroganoff. I have to rotate around to everything on my plate.
No matter how ungainly the metaphors get, I still have to break the big tasks into little tasks, then the list gets longer and longer and my heart rate goes up. I am going to review two pieces of advice that may help.
The first is to eat a frog every day. Doesn't that sound waaayyy better than an elephant? Ha. It actually comes from a quote attributed to Mark Twain which notes that if you eat a frog every morning, what could possibly be worse that that? So, get your frog out of the way first, then everything else will be easy. Hmm. I get that. I do get stuck on things I dread, and they are usually the mundane, routine kinds of things. Today my frog could be one of several things that I am seeing as complicated, time-consuming or as having a low level of satisfaction. Frogs are smaller than elephants, at least.
The second bit of advice I like is to remember that I can't do everything. I'm not qualified, nor do I have stewardship or control over everything. Some things I have to ignore and move away from thinking about.
Today I have on my mind lots of things over which I actually have no control. I need to rein in that thinking and move on to the things I can do. These may involve some risk-the risk of getting it wrong, the risks of paying the opportunity cost, etc, but at least I will be moving.
That's the key for me. I am ruled by inertia. If I get moving, I'll keep moving. If I get stuck, well, let's just not go there.
I've made out my list, but some of the things are not specific enough to be helpful, so even getting the big, desired outcomes shaped into tasks becomes one of the things to do.
It's the process of breaking the elephant into bite-sized pieces and I'm impatient so I want to eat the elephant all at once even know I know I'll get sick. Wait a minute! Who wants to eat an elephant anyway? I get the purpose of that metaphor but sheesh, can I talk about eating a nice big pot of stroganoff or or a giant bowl of strawberries or something? No. Because I would get bored AND sick if I tried to eat that much of anything, be it elephant or otherwise. I have to work within my parameters. I have to see my tasks as even desirable and worthwhile, AND I have multiple projects going on at once, so I can't focus entirely on one pot of stroganoff. I have to rotate around to everything on my plate.
No matter how ungainly the metaphors get, I still have to break the big tasks into little tasks, then the list gets longer and longer and my heart rate goes up. I am going to review two pieces of advice that may help.
The first is to eat a frog every day. Doesn't that sound waaayyy better than an elephant? Ha. It actually comes from a quote attributed to Mark Twain which notes that if you eat a frog every morning, what could possibly be worse that that? So, get your frog out of the way first, then everything else will be easy. Hmm. I get that. I do get stuck on things I dread, and they are usually the mundane, routine kinds of things. Today my frog could be one of several things that I am seeing as complicated, time-consuming or as having a low level of satisfaction. Frogs are smaller than elephants, at least.
The second bit of advice I like is to remember that I can't do everything. I'm not qualified, nor do I have stewardship or control over everything. Some things I have to ignore and move away from thinking about.
Today I have on my mind lots of things over which I actually have no control. I need to rein in that thinking and move on to the things I can do. These may involve some risk-the risk of getting it wrong, the risks of paying the opportunity cost, etc, but at least I will be moving.
That's the key for me. I am ruled by inertia. If I get moving, I'll keep moving. If I get stuck, well, let's just not go there.
My Slightly Vida Loca
June 24, 2011 • busy
I used to love this song by Pam Tillis. I put it on my player if you're curious.
The song came out just after I'd had my 4th child and Eric was in law school and life was actually crazy.
Now that lyric comes to my mind mostly when I have weekends like this and have to get so much done in such a short time that I do feel like I'm rushing everywhere, squealing around corners and generally being crabby so my family and other companions actually do need nerves of steel to come with me.
It will pass. Everything will be fine. But be warned. I'm on a bit of a short fuse.
Right now I'm avoiding several large and important tasks (and trying to calm my nerves) by doing a little blogging, but I do have to get back to work for the day.
I'll end on this thought from a talk by Lynn G. Robbins, a leader in my church:
So true. But he also said that what we are is the motivation for what we do so the two are inseparable.
Today I want to remember to BE my best self and remember why it is that I'm DOING all this stuff. Then it will be joyful and meaningful rather than just plain crazy.
If you're coming with me you need nerves of steel
'Cause I take corners on two wheels
It's a never-ending circus ride
The faint of heart need not apply.
The song came out just after I'd had my 4th child and Eric was in law school and life was actually crazy.
Now that lyric comes to my mind mostly when I have weekends like this and have to get so much done in such a short time that I do feel like I'm rushing everywhere, squealing around corners and generally being crabby so my family and other companions actually do need nerves of steel to come with me.
It will pass. Everything will be fine. But be warned. I'm on a bit of a short fuse.
Right now I'm avoiding several large and important tasks (and trying to calm my nerves) by doing a little blogging, but I do have to get back to work for the day.
I'll end on this thought from a talk by Lynn G. Robbins, a leader in my church:
"Many of us create to do lists to remind us of things we want to accomplish. But people rarely have to be lists. Why? To do’s are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. To be, however, is never done. You can’t earn checkmarks with to be’s."
So true. But he also said that what we are is the motivation for what we do so the two are inseparable.
Today I want to remember to BE my best self and remember why it is that I'm DOING all this stuff. Then it will be joyful and meaningful rather than just plain crazy.
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