Photos from the trip

Here are a few views of the trip.

The Boys

The moment before the big moment

My boy becomes a missionary

Jeff's awesome college digs-note the couches in the yard

Autumn in the Wasatch Front

My brother with his gorgeous new family and my folks. We call them Barbie and Ken for short.

We were all pretty much just basking in their reflected glow

It took a lot for both of them to get here, and this photo just says, "We made it, babe!" to me.

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Up Early in Flagstaff

I'm here in gorgeous Flagstaff, AZ now. I'm up at a ludicrous hour, so maybe I'll see the sunrise over the moutains. My luggage came to Lisa's house on Wednesday night and on Thursday afternoon I flew down here. Eric headed home. So, I got to wear jammies the last two nights and wear mascara; and best of all, I've been distributing the treasured books to all my siblings. So, all's well that ends well.

Wednesday was a great day. I don't have a card reader here, so I'll have to put up pictures later, but suffice it to say that there are events which focus all the effort of mothering into a single moment, like light through a prism, and you are blessed to see that it was all worth it-what seems sometimes like just plain, colorless, hard work is revealed instead to have yielded a full-spectrumed, miraculous, separate, beautiful human being. You have the knowledge confirmed in your mind that your efforts, while imperfect, were enough. I like the word enough. We all need to remember to feel that when it happens, and I'm grateful for this moment to remind me. While I've had many tender emotions this week, and certainly I'll miss having Johnathan around, I'm not pining for him. It is a good tenderness-sort of like being sore after a good workout. After we focused on Johnathan in the morning, we got to spend the afternoon and evening with Jeff. That was great-he is becoming a good man. We had such fun. He is thriving in the school environment. Watch for photos of his fabulous college abode. Fun times...

Yesterday, we were going to take our photo safari through the mountains, but Eric got sick. He spent the morning in bed and I hung out with Lisa's 4-year old, took a few photos from their yard, then we took off for the airport. The schedule got us there about 2.5 hours early, so our big romantic moment of the trip was sitting next to each other in the airport for that time and chatting. We got on different planes at the same time and off we went-me south and him east. Luckily, by the time he got to Chicago, he was feeling better. He's home now and all seems to be well there. Thanks go out from deep in my heart to all the angels that watched over my kids.

Today we're on to wedding festivities. Ryan and his lovely bride have planned a fun, casual celebration, with a family picnic this afternoon, a reception tonight (yes, before the wedding-apparently that is a new trend), then down to the valley tomorrow for the wedding. After the ceremony there will be another casual family gathering at a restaurant, then R & M are off on their new life together. I like that it is a low-stress operation for all involved. No bridezillas, groomzillas or parentzillas here, so it should be really enjoyable.

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Howdy from the Everlasting HIlls

I'm in Midway, Utah, and the title comes from a nickname I've heard for the mountains of Utah. I'm at the lovely home of my friend Lisa. My suitcase is lost, I slept in my clothes, haven't managed to snag a toothbrush yet and the Southwest folks are "puzzled" as to where my stuff might be. They said several times,"Wow, it really should be here by now." That is a helpful statement from a customer service rep, yes? In 32 years of flying, I've never lost a suitcase, so I won't complain, and I guess I am none too smart when it comes to putting emergency gear in a carry-on. My biggest heartbreak is not the clothes, I can figure that problem out, it's the 8 family reunion photo books that I had in there to take to my family in Arizona. I'll be really sad if I never see those again. I just couldn't fit those in my carry-on items because I brought all my camera gear and that HAS to be carried on. I don't have fancy enough cases to trust it to the baggage handlers. Anyway, this is one of those times when I'm glad to be fairly low-maintenance. Now the big adventure will be whether or not I get it before I leave tomorrow for Arizona. I have visions of Meet the Parents and it finding me just as I'm ready to head home.

In better news, we had a really fun night last night with a reunion of sorts for all the kids we know from church that are out here at BYU. It was great for Johnathan to have a memorable evening with his pals before he begins his missionary service. Lisa is a master of hospitality and making people feel welcome without any fuss or ostentation-just take-and-bake pizza (something the east coast needs, I think) and paper plates. I love seeing her house, too. It completely inspires me. She had told me the story when they were living in Maryland for a year (that's how I met her), and it makes me smile to see it in person. They bought a small house about 10 years ago and have completely remade it into a real dream home. I like the way they designed all the spaces to be cozy and livable and REAL, not just huge and impressive, like so many new homes are designed today. I love the work of Sarah Susanka, and this house fits her not-so-big principles perfectly. Add to the mix that another of Lisa's talents is decorating, and you end up with a place that really feels like a haven, not just a building with high ceilings and fancy details that don't have much purpose for a busy family. I'm so happy for their success in perservering over 8-10 years of gradual additions and working on it when they had the money, etc. It makes it seem doable for anyone.

Today we will have time to hang out on the campus of BYU, where the Missionary Training Center is located, drop Johnathan off and say goodbye, then maybe take a drive through the mountains. There is a Utah version of fall going on, with splashes of color against the desert and I want to see it. It is nothing like an Eastern autumn, but I wouldn't want it to be-it is beautiful in its own way. The light in the mountains, with the high elevations, is different and beautiful. It is stark out here, but so dramatic and BIG. I love the contrast between Maryland and here. Hopefully, we'll have pictures soon.

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Blogging for the heck of it.

I have a very short attention span, so when I'm working on a big project, like hemming 5 pair of pants or finishing the binding on the flag quilt that I should have finished months ago, or packing my suitcase, I can only go in short spurts, then I need a break. So here I am. Here are a few desultory thoughts.

• I'm really looking forward to seeing Jeff this week. I have missed him more since he left to go back to school than I ever did on his mission.
  
• I love the weather lately. Everything is easier when the temperatures are pleasant and the skies are blue.
• I'm so happy for my brother, the one getting married on Saturday. I'm also happy that I'll get to be there.
  
• I've been auditioning all my shoes and getting rid of the ones I don't absolutely love. It has finally come down to fit and comfort for me. Soon I'll be wearing birks to church. Shudder...
• When I was trying on dresses for my brother's wedding, I noticed that my hair has faded to a sort of non-color. It is about half-grey, but the grey blends in with all the other colors so instead of looking stylish and grey, it just looks blah. So, I'm actually considering coloring my hair. I always said I never would, but man...it was like my head disappeared when I looked in those dressing room mirrors.
  
• I need a model to do my photography group assignments. My kids have all said no. Maybe my niece and nephew will let me take a few at the wedding. Otherwise it's self-portraits. Shudder again...
  

Okay, back to the sewing machine I go. See you next week!

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Proof

This references parts of the previous post. It is about 10 minutes long, and I think I've posted it before, but it cheers me up and makes me laugh every single time.

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Working Toward Lift-Off

See all that fuss and bother and the GIANT fuel tanks that it take to get the space shuttle to break away from the earth's gravity??? So it is when a mother leaves home. Even for a couple of days. I'm going on a trip this week. First I'll be in Utah for two days, then in Arizona for 3 days. For about 56 hours of that time, Eric and I will both be gone. It is the first time we've ever left our kids without any family nearby (my folks are going to the same place I will end up). Dear friends are taking the poor orphans in, and I totally trust my pal, and I know in all ways that they will fine, but oh, the arrangements. Not just for them, for myself, for seminary (another heroic pal is taking that on for two days), for the pets (can you say PetHotel???), etc.. I go through this every time I leave and it is making me not want to leave again for a really long time. Once I leave the gravitational pull of my daily life, it will be easy. I'll float along and enjoy myself thoroughly, but until then, I still have about 40 things to do.

Eric, being the even-keeled guy (emphasis intentional) that he is, will calmly get his suitcase packed at about 9 pm on Monday night and feel bad that I've got so much on my mind, but he won't really understand exactly what it is. I know he has his own arrangements to make and things to take care of, but bless his heart-he must just make it LOOK easy. I always feel like a maniac. Sometimes I wish I could trade in one of my X's for a Y and not have quite so much on my mind. (That is not a slam, BTW. Eric freely admits that there are long periods of time when he actually has nothing on his mind. What would THAT be like?)

So, here I am looking forward to the moment when I leave for the airport, and there's nothing else to worry about because there will be nothing I can do about it at that point. I'll be entering a quiet, low power orbit with lovely views. Bliss is coming...

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Another One Leaves the Nest

In one week, Johnathan goes into the MTC (Missionary Training Center) in Provo Utah for 9 weeks of language and culture training before he heads out to Vina del Mar, Chile for about 22 months.

View Larger Map He'll be serving as a missionary for our church, which means he'll be looking for people who are interested in finding out more about our church, then teaching them. He'll also look for ways to serve the people of Chile in simple ways to set an example of what we believe-which is basically to try and do good whenever we can. I've been working on a big post with all sorts of memories and thoughts about this, my second son, but it was getting so ridiculously long that I've retooled and decided to just say what a great kid he is, what a good man he's growing into and how pleased I am that he's made this decision for himself. In an election year, the screens and airwaves and servers are exploding with all the latest ways that the world is a terrible place and all the possible ways to fix it. In the midst of all that, I'm immensely proud that he is choosing a path of quiet service-he will never make the news, or affect policy, or change the whole world, but he might change his own world and help a few folks to find faith and comfort in a time when comfort is often thin on the ground. This is a good moment to be a mom.

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Happy Weekend

I just got back from the lovely experience of attending my first Jewish Wedding. The story is that one of my knitting students has been meeting with me for over 4 years and we've become true friends. When her daughter got engaged, I remembered a pattern I had found for a knitted lace Chuppah, which is the canopy under which the marriage takes place. I suggested to M. that she knit it for her daughter and, even though it was a challenging and large project, (8 feet square) we undertook it together. She worked steadily on it for the last nine or ten months and got it finished in plenty of time about a month ago. It turned out beautifully.The photo above is from the pattern. Today's wedding was actually outside in the sunshine with a lovely breeze playing with the fringe, but this is exactly how the Chuppah itself looked. It became a very special project because M. went so far above and beyond her former skills as a knitter and grew so much. She was eventually able to finish the bulk of the work without much involvement from me and it was a joy to see. There is nothing better for a teacher than to see a student finally grow wings to fly. Her love for her daughter and her desire to contribute this important traditional part of the wedding spurred her onward and upward. Those moments are when art really has meaning for me, when it transcends an empty existence solely for it's own sake and edifies all those who participate in it.

So, since I had a part in the creation of the Chuppah , we got invited to the wedding and I enjoyed it so very much( I was even mentioned in the program, and got introduced in one of the toasts, much to my surprise and embarrassment). I got to meet all of M.'s family and learn about the beautiful symbolism of each part of the wedding. I related to that because in my faith, marriages are performed in a very special and prescribed way that also includes deep symbolism which helps a couple to put their union in a spiritual perspective right from the beginning.

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Most Important

I have gotten excited about an idea I found over at Simple Mom. She has a whole system for organizing that is really good, nothing new or revolutionary, but well-presented. I like fresh ideas and new approaches, so I've chosen a couple of her ideas to work on for a while. Right now I'm focused on starting my daily calendar review with the Most Important Tasks or MIT for that day. I haven't read the whole article, so I'm not sure if I'm using the idea exactly the way she does, but I'm excited about it anyway. For me, the idea behind that is that if I can get to those things, I can consider the day a success in a deep, personally satisfying way. Then, when the schedule changes and I have to adapt and be uber-flexible for everyone else, I can fall back on knowing that the really important things got taken care of-that I made forward progress in a way that might be significant only to me. I'm thinking I can use this idea in several stages: first as a habit-building tool, then, as certain foundational things become habits, I can move on and use the MIT list to focus on actions that will set the tone for the day. These would be the non-negotiables, the sanity-preserving things that would put me in a stronger position to handle the rest of the daily list.

Depending on how life is, what is foundational will change from time to time. Some days it might be: Shower, Eat, Sleep. Other days it might be: Read and pray, Work out, Clean out the Fridge (or else I'm just having this one hauled away and buying a new one).

It goes along with an important belief of mine that if one focuses on that which is most important, all else will find it's right place in the remaining time and space of one's life.

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Like the Proverbial Chicken...

In stark contrast to the idyllic peace of Saturday, yesterday found me in constant motion.

It really must be quite funny to watch my car come and go all day long:

AM: Sara to Ortho Appt. at 8:30, then dropping her off at school at 8:45 (it was just a 5-minute retainer check) then off to knitting lesson at client's home, then to run errand and drop paperwork off at school for Sara , then home at about 11 am.

Midday was laundry, finances, yard work, and all the usual Monday stuff. Not so bad except for that scribbled on, overflowing calendar page staring up at me, warning me about the afternoon.

Here we go!
PM: Over to school for volleyball game at 3:30 (they lost, but it was their first game and they had a lot of great moves and team spirit), then back home with Sam from practice at 4:35, then back over to school to pick Sara up from watching the other volleyball game at 5:30, back home at 5:45, then off with Evan to soccer practice at 5:50, then home at 6:35, then back over to the high school for Back to School Night at 6:50, then home at 10:30 after waiting 35 minutes to get out of the parking lot then stopping at the grocery store.

If you're thinking, like I was thinking, "Couldn't ANY of these trips be combined?" Sadly, no. Someone always needed to get home or I needed to pick up some life-or-death piece of paper that was not there before I left, etc. It simply had to be the way it was.

There was no leisurely dinner yesterday, I assure you, no careful chopping, no noticing the beauties of nature, there was only me, in my car, hoping I wasn't forgetting anything and feeling distinctly like that proverbial chicken. I saw Jann at BTSN and told her I was in and out of my driveway 12 times. I guess it was only 10, but who's counting. I did not get a workout in yesterday, but I hold out hope that I burned more a few calories opening and closing my car door and trekking in and out of my house all those times.

Thank goodness for the rainy days like Saturday because the rest of the calendar this week is definitely lacking in blank space. I was getting a little down about that yesterday. Well, it was actually more like a panic attack. That primal scream you heard from the car next to you at the traffic light? Yeah, that was me. But, as my kids say, "Why so serious?" The good news is that I am blessed to have a good car to do all this running around in. I can afford to buy gas. I have healthy, involved children who do wonderful things like volleyball and track and soccer. I live in a great community so things like BTSN are kinda fun because I see friends all around me and teachers who know (and remember!) all my kids and really care about them.

This is the life I've chosen, so I, Chicken Girl, will run proudly on, even if it appears to be in circles sometimes. Give me a high five when I blow past you!

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Rainy Day

Yesterday turned into that rarest of rarities for our family: a day with few or no obligations to entice us out of our jammies. I went to my aforementioned meeting, was home by 10 am, got back into my comfy clothes, took a nap and then just luxuriated in the sensation of NOT watching the clock for the rest of the afternoon. I watched bits of movies on cable as I found them( part of My Left Foot-extraordinary-want to read the book, part of Emma-a perrenial favorite) while I folded laundry and visited with the kids.

I made chicken stew and had time to be like a tv chef and chop all my ingredients ahead of time, really focus on each step and remember that I actually like cooking when I have time to savor it and the family has time to sit down together. My folks are in the middle of a kitchen renovation, so they've been over for dinner most weekends and it was lovely to be all cozy as the rain came down outside our windows. The hurricane went more westerly than originally predicted, so it never got dangerous or too worriesome here, for which I'm grateful, but because of the precautions taken, everything was pretty much cancelled, so it was like pushing the pause button on life and having the chance to take a deep breath.

We ended the night laughing along to our favorite comic Brian Regan's special on Comedy Central and went to bed feeling like a family instead of roommates.

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No Race...Is it a Sign?

The Governor of Virginia has, understandably, declared a State of Emergency in preparation for Hurricane Hanna. As a result, all emergency services are on call and unavailable to give support to the really cool 10K trail run I was going to be running in tomorrow with my pal Amy. So no race. I'm disappointed to be sure, but the training has still been valuable and as a result of the cancellation, I won't miss my monthly inservice training for seminary (the early morning scripture study class I teach every day). Eric says it is a sign from above that I never should have considered skipping my meeting for something as trivial as a race. Get it? Sign from God and all that? Be assured that he is 100% JUST KIDDING and be more assured that I really don't believe that Heavenly Father works that way. It makes a funny story though. Skip a meeting and get a sign of Biblical Proportions like a HURRICANE rushing up the coast to change your mind... Be warned...

But see, I'm know I'm not being punished because I'm getting part of my money back, and my bag of cool running swag and I don't even have to drive to Virginia and get all muddy running 6 miles on a trail. So who's the real winner here, I ask you?

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Weight Rant and a Modest Hope

I feel like I mention my weight too much and in spite of how much I want to lose weight, and even for the right reasons, I sometimes feel silly and vain for even worrying about my mostly healthy body and my size. So, you are welcome to stop reading now and go straight to the comment form to tell me to get a grip and stop complaining. Well, I tell myself that every day, but today I'm not. I'm letting it out.

My body changed dramatically 16 years ago as a result of my third pregnancy. That is me just before the birth. I don't mention that much because I don't want third child to feel weird about how hard it was to get him into the world. Thus it is though. In my first two pregnancies, I gained about 30 pounds, and lost it immediately. With the third, I gained 100 and came home from the hospital exactly 6 pounds lighter. He was a 9 1/2 pound kid, so go figure. It was a really difficult pregnancy. My body slowed down, I developed some chronic problems that are still with me, and I can date my permanent weight gain to that pregnancy. Everything was different, from my hair to my feet. So, it wasn't just weight that was a concern, it was my overall health.

Before and since that time, I've always been active. While I do love to eat, I've always been a reasonably healthy eater--I do like my treats, but they have always been balanced by lots of fruit, veggies and whole grains (Cocoa Puffs say "whole grain goodness" right on the box, by the way). Plus, I didn't all of a sudden start eating differently when I was pregnant, except for the fact that I always ate better during those times.

So, I've never been able to get my weight set-point back down to what it was before 1992. Never. Even while training for marathons. It has been very frustrating. I was 26 at the time and I felt like I suddenly aged beyond my years.(It turns out that I did. I started peri-menopause then. At 26. No hot flashes, but pretty much everything else.) I tell you all this to put in context why someone like me worries about weight. I'm just trying to jump-start my body into doing what it used to do.

Anyway, to make a short story long, here's the news. I've been buying the same size and even the same brands of jeans for a very long time. I know how they fit and it is very predictable. Until now. This past weekend, after months and months of both increased mileage and speed in my running, (I'm up to 30 miles a week!) weight training, and trying to show at least a little restraint in my food choices (cocoa puffs with skim milk, for example), I got to do something that I thought I'd never do again:

I had to keep pulling up my jeans.

I haven't lost any weight to speak of (not a single pound), but I'm starting to notice (or maybe just imagine) little differences in my body. I'm kinda excited about these changes, be they real or imagined. I'm all for the placebo effect. The thing is, you can't really fake having to hitch up your jeans all day. I swear I did not drive over them with the car or let them get stuck in the gears of the washing machine to stretch them out. And I did remember to button them. So, in the absence of those possible statistics-skewing circumstances, I'm currently entertaining a modest hope that I may actually be entering a new era in my physical saga.

Believe me, at this point in my life, I'm not trying to lose the whole 50-60 pounds or get back to the days of 1991. I just want to feel more like myself. I really, really do just want to be healthy, and the belly fat, varicose veins and slightly rising blood pressure tell me that I can make some improvements in that area. Apparently, this will be a slower road for me than for others owing to the fact that months of increased effort and lifestyle change has yielded no weight loss, but my fear has always been that I'm stuck this way for good. This little glimmer of change makes me think maybe my body is still cable of movement and development. And woohoo friends, if I get a new pair of jeans out it, then yay for me!

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