Almost There

The wedding approaches and amid the moments of wild-eyed panic, I'm feeling like things are coming together. I lost my grip completely a couple of times, but only for true emergencies, like the time that I accidentally canceled one of the rooms at the hotel where all my extended family is staying the night before the wedding. That was a bad moment. Fortunately, with the help of a very nice lady with a charming accent who works for the Intercontinental Hotel Group, I was able to fix it.

Other things are getting done as well. My assignment for youth conference was finished today, and everything went smoothly (I think). It was not a huge job, but it had a lot of details and it was really satisfying to feel like I got the details right. Plus, many of the leaders of the youth are my friends so it was great to see them and of course it is always great to hang out with teenagers. I just love them.

I came home and took a nap and am now in the midst of sewing the edges of the last couple of tablecloths for the reception here. Nearly everything else that I can think of or that fills the wedding list pages of my journal is bought, ordered, reserved, borrowed, cut, sewn, made and, I hardly dare say it,  done. I really can't believe that. It's not the last minute yet. What's happening to me? Some alien has taken over my body- a self-motivated, organized, and freakishly linearly thinking alien no less.

No, that's not true. I owe the organization and linear thinking to my decidedly non-alien friends who have volunteered their time to help with a lot of those verbs listed in the last paragraph. That meant I had to plan and then honor actual blocks of time on my calendar to do the tasks. Just that one thing was so helpful to me.  If only I'd thought to have a friend make all the travel arrangements. I'll have to try that next time. And miraculously, the offers of help are still coming, which just amazes me and fills me with a deep and weepy gratitude for all the great-heartedness and generosity that there is here in my little corner of the world. Our little homemade reception will be a real celebration because of all those great hearts. I think I feel a chorus of "Sunrise, Sunset" coming on.

Anyway, I picture this kind of helping as a big, cosmic circle of service. It's not always a direct back and forth thing-you help me, then I help you, end of story. More often it's I help you, then you help her, then she helps him, and he helps someone else, and then way down the line, someone helps me.

I love that.

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A Goodbye

Today was the funeral for a friend. She was part of our close-knit church community, so her passing leaves a noticeable hole.  I've known her some 10 or 12 years. Her son was a beloved student in my seminary class for 4 years. She's been a cub scout leader to some of my kids. Her husband has been a teacher and leader to our family as well. For a little while, we knitted together.  She was talented and smart and good, all the way to the core. She struggled from a disease called Acromegaly that caused many difficult challenges to come into her life, but I knew her as a creative, generous, funny individual who loved to play games, appreciated beauty in all forms and refused to be defined by her illness.

I appreciated the ideas that were shared at the funeral, most of which center around the fact that because of the life and mission of Jesus Christ,  life is eternal and that relationships, individuals and lives continue past this life and into a future life. I believe with all my heart that this is the truth about life and death. My heart tells me so. I see the difference in people's lives when they act according to this belief. It brings peace and comfort. I saw that today.  One of the things I already knew but loved hearing was the amazing love story of this married couple. They are true romantics in the most pure and beautiful sense.  A favorite poem of theirs was "The Hanging of the Crane" by H.W. Longfellow. Her husband quoted from it and summarized it most touchingly. It is the story of a marriage and family, from the wedding feast to the golden anniversary. He mourned the fact that for them, the later chapters will have to wait, but he expressed hope in that time to come. It was really special to have a little view into such an ideal relationship.

I love this photo of my friend because, if you look closely, you can see that she (in the purple) has just made everyone in the room laugh. We are looking at her while she enjoys a moment of perfect, petulant, and, most likely, very clever wit. That is one of many sweet things I will remember about Amy.

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A Whole Bunch of Photos That Just Make Me Happy

I need to reach for happiness. I'll write more about it later, but a friend passed away on Saturday, and I'm having normal feelings of tenderness and mourning, but I just can't get bogged down in them. Last night I was feeling really heavy while at the swim team picnic. I was numb and weepy, but then I saw this through the lens of my camera and felt so much better. I just love watching my silly, funny kids interact.

This one and the two below crack me up because it was their attempt to have me photograph them with straight faces. It lasted all of about 1.2 seconds.

For these, I couldn't get Sam to stop eating, which of course is death to portraiture. I still love the interaction.

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Happy Anniversary!

I really feel like I shouldn't go to bed without acknowledging this day. It's my 24th anniversary. I remember my parents' 24th anniversary, because it was the year my first son was born and I remember very clearly that they were old. No really, they were. But actually, my mom was was YOUNGER than me by several months when she celebrated her two-dozenth anniversary. Friends, the time, it is a-changin'. The days and months and years are already starting to wheel 'round faster and faster-it seems like just yesterday I was writing about my 20th anniversary and being amazed at THAT number of years.

Eric and I kissed each other this morning on his way out the door and reminded each other to say, when anyone asked how many years, "Twenty-four WONDERFUL years," all tongue in cheek and smiling. But really, we were pretty serious.
Full of wonder they have been, indeed.
Happy Anniversary, my dearest and most faithful friend.

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New Addition

Not of the human kind or the building kind, of the kitten kind. A friend found a mama and litter of kittens in the crawl space where her furnace is and took them in. We just adopted one of the litter from the rescue group that is taking care of them. Her name is Clover and she's ridiculously cute, which is a good thing, because I said I was done taking on the job of having animals. Now we're back at the beginning. Here she is using my shoulders and pony tail as a hidey-hole. She actually took a nap draped across the back of my neck.

It's all good. It gives the kids something to be responsible for, and they actually do the work I have to say. They always remember to feed and walk and take care of our animals, so it all works out. It will be fun to watch her grow and progress from scared and hiding all the time to confident and sleek. So far our other animals have taken little notice of her, so hopefully the gradual introductions will go smoothly.

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This Is a Test, It Is Only a Test

Not of the Emergency Broadcasting System, but instead of what my life will be like in 4 years or so. This past week, with Sara and Evan gone to Virginia, and Sam and Eric gone fairly late into the evenings, it was virtually an empty nest and I had a very different kind of schedule. Most of the time it was awesome.

Sometimes,  it was really odd.

It wasn't that I was lonely, because I already have my days to myself during the school year.  It was more that all my usual routines were off. No one needed my help or was depending on me or looking for me to offer structure and organization to them. Those are parts of my life as a mother that, as much as they drive me insane,  really and actually help me stay sane. I only had myself to worry about and friends, for me, that is the gateway to a whole world of odd. I picture myself ending up sort of like the Mad Hatter, knitting bits of brightly colored yarn and mumbling to myself about how the children will be back any minute now.

Anyway, I think that when I have an actual empty nest, I might need to move to an entirely new house or radically renovate, just because this one is so completely drenched in the presence and routines of the people who currently live here. I think I'll need a sort of blank canvas in order to create a whole new way of doing the work of my days.

Believe me, I'm not complaining. I liked getting this peek through the looking-glass at the next phase of my development, minus the whole Mad Hatter image, of course. I'm truly looking forward to everything to come.  How many times as a young mom did I have fantasies about being alone and having the opportunity to choose how to spend my days? Often, I assure you! I promise I'll be looking wistfully back on this week as we move into the coming weeks of Wedding/Travel/Sports and Band practice/Sam off to school/etc./etc./etc.

Buuuut, the fact remains that I am a creature of inertia. I like staying in one place, preferably wearing pajamas,  until forcibly moved out of it. Being all alone made it way too easy to do that. Having work to do helps me be a better person.  As people who are currently near me in both physical proximity and dependency become less so, I will have to exert a lot of energy and  a certain kind of discipline that is not my best thing to fill my time productively and appropriately. This week, I had a lot on my list, so it worked out and served as a reminder that I don't ever really want to live a self-centered life in any form. I am glad that people need me and want me around, and that there are things I've promised to do every day. Having reasons to occasionally put the book down and hang the PJ's on the bathroom door hook are a good thing. This week will help me to always remember that.

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Book Review: The Slave Dancer

The Slave Dancer by Paula Fox
YA Historical Fiction
You might like this book if: You make a habit of reading award-winners (this one has a Newberry Medal), you enjoy historical fiction, survival and adventure tales, or are just interested in another perspective of the era of slavery in the US.

This is the story of Jessie Bollier, a 13 year-old living in New Orleans in 1840.  He is shanghaied onto a slave ship and forced to play his fife to "dance" the slaves for exercise. 

This book is a compelling look at the slave trade that is also written in the style of an adventure story to capture young readers.  In the end, the author does not spare the reader the realities of life on a slave ship and manages to convey the pall of absolute evil that hung from every line of the vessel Moonlight. She successfully represents the utter, unnatural wrongness of trading humans and "selling them like a piece of cloth." Nothing was right for Jessie and it is a dark journey indeed.

I thought this was deserving of its' 1973 Newberry Medal. The writing is rich, evocative and poetic at times.  The imagery is vivid and the characters believable.  Read it with your kids if you want to remind or teach them about this time in history and what we can and must learn from it.

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The Net Worked and I Didn't Fall

Today things calm down. My folks are gone, and the goodbye was okay. For now it just feels like one of my mom's normal trips out to see my siblings. She has often been gone for a couple of months at a time, so for now, it's like that. Her house next door does look bare without her plants on the porch and all that. But the good news is that her plants are now all at my house, so it won't be so bad. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

The better news is that really I was so blessed today of all days. It could have been one big cry-fest, but it wasn't. I had something to keep me busy: A long drive to take S and E to a church camp near Roanoke, VA. Traffic was rotten for part of the time, so I had to really concentrate. That was good.  While I was driving to Virginia, I got a text from my dear pal who knew it would be a hard day. She was just thinking about me. It made me smile and feel like I could make it through. Then I got to talk to my pal Gwen who called about business stuff but is fun and uplifting to talk to no matter what We always end up laughing and I always feel deeply of her warm heart and happy personality, just like when we're together in person. It was a good reminder that long-distance friendships are rich and wonderful. That got me through a long stretch of I-81 south.  Later, on the way home, when I was all alone,  I also got to talk to Amy all the way in Germany. She has a plan that lets her call here for no extra charges, and it was so nice to hear her voice and talk to her little girls. They both told me that they were having lots of fun over there, and they sounded happy. That makes me happy. That call got me through that long 60 miles of I-66 east to 695. THEN, as if I wasn't blessed enough, after the drive was over and I was facing a completely empty house, I got to spend a sweet, golden hour with a far-away friend who was in town visiting family. I am still all aglow that she made that time for me on her way back home. It was special and fun and again, the timing was perfect. And of course, I talked to my mom a couple of times, just like we always do-checking up on where each was on the road and chatting about the details. Nothing was different.

So even though I'm a bit left behind right now, I'm really not, thanks to women who become strands in a million different nets for so many people all the time. I'd be flat on my face most of the time if it weren't for the many strands in my Net.

And of course, thanks to my mom for the great privilege of spending nearly my entire adult life in your orbit. It has been a pleasure and a joy. I look forward to seeing you blossom and thrive in your new little home in the west.

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Hi

I haven't written for a while and I realized today what a soothing thing it is for me to write. I was at camp and did some paper and pen journaling and then a bit on my knitting blog, but right now, in the middle of everything, I feel the need to calm myself down a bit and check in.

Today is the beginning of the end of my parents' 40 year sojourn in the wilderness of Maryland. Except for our family, it hasn't been a punishment but a great and nearly inexpressible blessing. I can't imagine my life if my parents hadn't come out here in 1970 with their little family of 3. Now that family has grown to nearly 40 people, with the first grandchild about to get married.

And so the need for calming. On this day I'm switching back and forth between helping mom pack, trying to keep my emotions in check, making hotel reservations in California, changing airline flights, finalizing plans for a big multi-family dinner at a restaurant that I only know from the internet and about 15 other things. I hate it when my posts make my life sound so crazy, but I think that I don't need the act of writing so much when things are quiet.

It will all get done and every phone call that I check off my list brings a little sigh of relief. (hate phone calls in general) They always go better than I think they will (am usually pretty sure I'll make a fool of myself or make a wrong decision-what if that Holiday Inn Express really is skanky?) and if I do make a mistake, well, I guess I can either live with it or fix it.

Thanks for reading. My heart rate has just gone down about 20 points and I'm breathing again. And just to remind me and have a smile, here's what it's all for:

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