A Moment for John

I honestly can't remember not knowing John and his family. It feels like it has been my whole life even though I was probably more like 10 or 11 when I first met them.

John died this week after a grueling battle with cancer and I have memories in my mind and connections to moments in my life that are so important to me that this has been a tender week--this grief is etching itself onto my emotions with a sharpness I haven't felt since my Grandpa died a few years ago. John and his wife feel like family and I am sad he is gone from this life and that she has to be without him. I feel the actual sensation of my heart breaking a little bit each time a memory passes through my mind.  He and she have always made me feel like I was the awesomest thing on the planet; like I was smart, capable and something special, and this from the time I was small up to the last time I saw him as an adult. The best compliment I can give them is that I think everyone who knows them feels exactly the same way I do. It's just excellent to be near either one of them.

Images flicker past like an old-fashioned film. He picked me up when I babysat his daughter (and fed his pet tarantula) and his former-cop driving was exciting to say the least. He hired me to work in his office when we had a youth service auction at church and I remember him telling me I could grow up and do anything I wanted. At that moment I believed him and felt my life's horizons open up a little.  He was present at my marriage. He was a friend to my parents. He served me and my family at church. He helped out at countless youth conferences and activities. He always had a story to tell and to this day I can't drive to Harper's Ferry without Watching for Falling Rock and smiling to myself.  My children have felt that same fondness that I always felt. He always looked like he was trying not to laugh out loud and his eyes actually did twinkle as that constant, just slightly suppressed smile played around his mouth. I heard him bear earnest testimony of his faith and his belief in the Savior. I heard him complement his wife in public and express his gratitude for her.

How grateful I am for the knowledge I have that God is good and that families and friendships exist and endure far beyond this fragile time on earth. In the meantime I will enjoy thinking of all the times this lovely gentleman made me smile and made the world just a little more interesting and rich.

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The Story of the Irresistible Force and the Immoveable Object

Once upon a time there was a huge list that all seemed to be priority 1 or 2. No 3's or 4's in the bunch. Add to that a huge holiday in 6 days, 2 dr. appointments, a funeral, 2 wrestling meets, 3 family members coming into town and all the usual stuff like laundry and cooking and breathing and sleeping and all that.

Yep, we're all there this week. Time is the irresistible force. 115 hours till Sunday. The List is the immoveable object.  We all have one. So what are the options? There is really only one and that is to choose peace. Yes, choose it. It is something I have to do everyday. At times like this anxiety rises in my body like a flood and it threatens always to carry me,  flailing,  down a raging torrent, far from where I want to be.

Instead, I must choose peace.

While it seems a simplistic solution, it really entails everything. To choose peace is to acknowledge the Irresistible Force and the Immoveable Object, take note of the trajectory, and then step out of the path of the collision. Yep, I'm just going to move to higher ground. That is all I can do. The collision still happens so Yes, that means there be some carnage in the way of things undone, or done imperfectly. Packages will arrive after Christmas, but will contain just as much love on Monday as on Sunday. The daughter's trim and closet doors might not get painted till January and yes, the room might have to be partly dismantled again. That might be the best thing to happen so that I can sleep, or spend meaningful time with my sister and kids, or take the time to properly think about and honor the life of our dear friend who just died. The fridge and cars might have to wait another week to get cleaned and yes, I may feel embarrassed at how they look. So yes, stepping to higher ground doesn't mean that the stuff I fear won't happen. The force still meets the object, it just means I'm not in the way. I'm not getting shredded by the shrapnel. I'm watching, but I've got my kevlar body armor on and I am remembering that people, not things are important. Feelings and kindness expressed are more important than getting the list checked off.

So, here I go, putting on my playlists with names like "Favorite Christmas" and "Upbeat" and turning the speakers up loud and JUST. DOING. WHAT. I. CAN. With all the love in my heart.

Please have a Merry Week Before Christmas, friends.

And live happily now, ok?  Ever after will take care of itself.

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Happy News

I got this email from my eldest son today. Holy cow, friends! I have a son who is a college graduate! I'm actually quite overcome. I love that he thought to capture this moment and share it with me.  I'm so very proud of who he is becoming. It is a humbling thrill (is that combination even possible?) to think that I have had even the least part in that process.
Congratulations to Jeff for this accomplishment and to Ashlyn for being right there with him! We love you both so much!

Jeff
to Eric, me

I just graduated from college. Just figured I'd let you guys know. I love you both. Thanks for helping me become who I am today. This was my last assignment I had to email to my teacher, so I graduated at the click of a button. Seems appropriate in this day and age.

Jeff

Begin forwarded message:

From: Jeff <>
Date: December 15, 2011 8:27:32 PM MST
To: Jeffrey <>
Subject: Graduation

here it is

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The Best Day

Sunday was a day of Fasting in my faith. We spend a special day fasting once each month. In connection with that,  at church in the main worship service, instead of the usual planned talks, congregants can go up as they feel prompted and share their unscripted testimony. It is always a personal, tender and inspiring meeting, and there is always a sense of the unknown because you just really never know what folks will say.

This time we got the surprise of our lives as a gentleman unfamiliar to all of us slowly revealed in a wonderfully-told story that he is acquainted with our missionary son Sam! He lives in California and Sam is serving in the man's hometown. We had no idea at all when he started telling his story and when he got to the moment where he spoke of Elder Nuss, I gasped out loud and began immediately to weep as I realized what he had just said. It was so electrifying and touching for me to have this moment of connection, to have the miles and the separation between me and my third son instantly fall away. This man had just had dinner with my boy last Wednesday night! He had a picture on his phone! He reported how things were going for Sam. It was brilliant. The tears are coming again just thinking about it.  I can hardly put into words the sweet feelings that flooded through me as I thought of my son out there doing what he's doing. Not only is Sam well, but he's BEING everything I could ever wish for him to be. And I have an eyewitness account, a rare and sweet thing for the mom of a missionary. I realized yet again that what my children BECOME is what brings the best and most permanent joy. This was a pure moment of that best kind of joy.

 The memory of that gift of a story has been like a warm air current carrying me up and up and up, then I soar down, remember again, smile and get carried up again.

I will forever grateful for this dear man taking time out of a very busy business trip to drive an hour out of his way to come to our little church meeting and bring such sweet tidings.

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