Hi

I haven't written for a while and I realized today what a soothing thing it is for me to write. I was at camp and did some paper and pen journaling and then a bit on my knitting blog, but right now, in the middle of everything, I feel the need to calm myself down a bit and check in.

Today is the beginning of the end of my parents' 40 year sojourn in the wilderness of Maryland. Except for our family, it hasn't been a punishment but a great and nearly inexpressible blessing. I can't imagine my life if my parents hadn't come out here in 1970 with their little family of 3. Now that family has grown to nearly 40 people, with the first grandchild about to get married.

And so the need for calming. On this day I'm switching back and forth between helping mom pack, trying to keep my emotions in check, making hotel reservations in California, changing airline flights, finalizing plans for a big multi-family dinner at a restaurant that I only know from the internet and about 15 other things. I hate it when my posts make my life sound so crazy, but I think that I don't need the act of writing so much when things are quiet.

It will all get done and every phone call that I check off my list brings a little sigh of relief. (hate phone calls in general) They always go better than I think they will (am usually pretty sure I'll make a fool of myself or make a wrong decision-what if that Holiday Inn Express really is skanky?) and if I do make a mistake, well, I guess I can either live with it or fix it.

Thanks for reading. My heart rate has just gone down about 20 points and I'm breathing again. And just to remind me and have a smile, here's what it's all for:

read more

Busy, Busy Busy

Not too much has changed since my last post. I'm still living by lists and adding to them all the time so I don't forget anything. I've crossed a few things off but added more. I'm running from one thing to another and in between making a lots of phone calls and looking for the intestinal fortitude to just make executive decisions.

It's all the same stuff and really, I'm no busier than anyone else, it's just all I've been doing, so there's not much else to write about. I am managing to push the sadness of my mom and friends leaving down with the busyness, so it is useful in that sense, and in between there have been fun moments of family activities, a few more end of school bright spots, and all sorts of regular-ness. Toy Story 3 is really fun, Evan was recognized for having straight A's all year, and Sara has been really diligent about getting ready for finals, so it's all good, I'm just swimming in the deep end, only coming up for air occasionally. Sometimes I'm like Dory-endlessly optimistic and willing to try anything and sometimes I'm more like Marlin-anxious and dwelling on the problems, but in the end, it's a good thing I speak Whale.

read more

Listy, Listy Times.

Did you know that in Spanish, one word for "ready" or "prepared" is Listo or Lista? So, if I'm all ready for something, I can say Estoy lista. I'm ready. I love connections between languages like that, and I like to think that our word "list" and the Spanish word for "ready" have a common ancestor somewhere. I have not researched it, and it is just as likely that there is no connection, but I still like the idea. I have lots of things to get lista for in the next few months, and they are spilling out of my head, so as a result, since I don't own a Pensieve, I'm using my beloved red journal to make lots of lists:

• Girls' Camp (this month): That annual week of teenage girl wonderfulness that I just can't seem to get enough of is coming up in about 13 days. I have a few more responsibilities this year, and a wonderful friend to work with, but I am getting to that last-stage, high-adrenaline, nitty-gritty-details part of the planning and it just helps to have it all written down.
• A Wedding (in less than two months): We've got lots of travel stuff to nail down right now, and I'm in charge of a family dinner the night before the wedding in a city to which I've never been, so that's a little nerve-wracking. I'm also in charge of an open house here a week later, plus trying to make the time in between into a nice family vacation. I'd really like to feel that I might actually be of help to Ashlyn's mom as she works to put together a memorable celebration for the happy couple.
  
• One Son Leaving (in about 2 months): I have to get his wisdom teeth surgery figured out, even trickier now that he is working 6 days a week and needs time off for a trip to California. He has to take a day off to register for classes. We still haven't had our bank field trip to get him all checking accounted and all that. Plus I still actually have to figure out how we're getting him and his stuff out to Utah, since our original idea of a road trip got trumped by item number 2.
  
• One Son Coming Home, then Immediately Leaving Again (in about 3 months): I have to get his bedroom turned from a storage room back into a bedroom, then have everything ready for him to leave almost immediately for Utah to work and seek his fortune. So, right now, that's apartment contracts to sign, deposits to get paid, car questions to figure out, and lots of other stuff.
  
• Another Teaching Trip (in between the wedding and the son leaving): I still don't have my plane reservations for this, and kids will be in sports practice and band camp with no driver at home and no grandma next door and dad working crazy hours. I'm having second thoughts, but I've signed a contract, so I have to figure this one out on my own. This list includes having the kids get used to riding their bikes to school, getting good locks, making sure the bikes are in good working order, then talking them into the idea of a 3 mile bike ride home after 3 hours of soccer or volleyball practice, etc.
  

And of course, woven in between all that are all the daily tasks and things that just come up. The constant battle between saying yes and saying no. Do I take on hosting a Swim Team Pep Rally either next week-the Friday before I leave for camp or the week in July when Evan won't even be home to attend either the meet or the Pep rally and I'm trying to get my husband to go away for a couple of days?? Having my lists helps me answer questions like this and feel like I'm making the right decision.

Thus the greater meaning becomes clear. I think the lists become for me, as I was discussing with one friend this morning, my road map, my bird's eye view. They are evidence that I can get there from here. I can get ready in time, but I have to go the right way and stay on course. I need that, especially when I get to points of saturation like right now and just can't keep it all in my head.

read more