Listening for Those Trucks

For the most part, the shopping is done. I still have a few things yet to be delivered, wrapped up, and, in some cases, mailed out again. I tried shipping things directly, but some things couldn't be gift-wrapped or the additional cost of gift-wrapping plus sending to separate addresses was just too much. So, I thrill now to the sound of a big truck in my neighborhood. I know their routes, so I can usually tell by what street they're on and what direction they're going whether or not they will come down my street or not. Tomorrow I have all day during school planned to watch Christmas movies and get everything done that I possibly can. It will be very fun and festive, at least in my mind's eye. I'm actually not stressing that my Christmas cards have not been delivered yet, and am bravely facing the fact that said cards will likely arrive at their various destinations after Christmas. My resolve to stay in the joy of the season is sticking and I'm determined to enjoy the process.

In other news, Evan is feeling better and is going to try wrestling at tomorrow's meet. Today the doctor pronounced him free of strep or other bacterial infections, so now we wait for his body to do the work of healing. In addition to listening for delivery trucks, I'm counting down the days till my kids get home and praying for them to do well on their finals.  I'm in the home stretch of actually finishing a book in one read rather than giving up halfway as has happened with the last three or four books I've tried to read. I feel good about that.  I talked to my sister today and it is starting to feel real that we'll have family in the house for the holiday. We got all the sleeping arrangements figured out and I can't wait for them to get here. Another sister may come for a visit after Christmas, which would just be the icing on the cake.

I'm starting to feel that very particular sense of anticipation mixed with busyness mixed with excitement that makes this season feel different from other times of the year. Time and space seem to compress and the familiarity of tradition keeps me centered in the rush of this year's list. I like that feeling. I like it when I catch myself humming to the Christmas carols or just stopping to look at the lights of the tree. I'm not even sure what I'm feeling at those moments-memories? security? satisfaction? Maybe a combination of all of those and more.

So c'mon UPS and Fedex and my own good old postman that I've had for 15 years, bring that goodness to my door so I can wrap it up and share the love.

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Hard Day

I'm at a big wrestling tournament which started very promisingly yesterday evening for Evan. Today however, he's running a fever and showing every sign of getting a nasty virus, so he's getting stomped every time. Days like this are for character building and learning to get up when you're down I suppose. I hope that's what my boy is getting out of the experience. The good things I can find are that he's willing to keep stepping out onto the mat and his teammates and sister are being incredibly supportive and helpful. That's always nice to see.

Update: Later on in the day, in a nail-biter of a scrappy fight, Evan came out and won his last match of the day on points, 7-5. It was the best possible outcome because it showed that he believed in himself enough to keep trying after getting pounded so many times and while feeling at his lowest physically. I was so proud of him. I've seen my other boys go through this same thing and it reminds me of why it is that sports and other challenging activities can be a good thing.

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Discarding the Meaningless

On Sunday evening, our family participated in a tradition that I love because it helps me remember what I want my Christmas season to really be. We watched The First Presidency Christmas Devotional, which is an hour-long program of music and speeches presented by my church. It was lovely this year, full of gentle humor, reminders about what is important and several fun literary references.  If you're curious and want a quiet, music-filled hour of pure Christmas spirit, here is the link to the entire thing. This year, the most memorable phrase for me came from Thomas S. Monson, the President of our church, when he lovingly and kindly admonished us to let the season be a time of, among other things, "Discarding the Meaningless." I have taken that to heart both literally and metaphorically and the effort has already been a good thing.

I love all the parts of Christmas, from the music to the gifts to the decorations. I truly enjoy it. I just really, really want to make sure that I'm not running around like a chicken with my head cut off to impress people (I include my kids on the list of people I might be trying to impress) or to  checklist that I did something based on what others think. Let's face it, no amount of shopping or sending of cards by some magical date will change who I am or what my pals think of me.  I want to do whatever I do because I'm motivated by love and what I truly believe about the season. But, because I usually care a LOT about what other people think, I do a LOT of running around and I'm always in the process of getting better at letting things go. As the years have gone by, I've gradually been able to simplify some of the things that either society or the voice in my head tell me are necessary, but it is still not easy.  I still compare myself to other people and usually give myself the short end of the stick, and there's the rub. I want to get rid of all the parts of Christmas that feel to me like a contest I can never win. Mostly because I feel my heart shrink a tiny bit from the ones who do "win." I want to NOT feel a little stab of something (is it jealousy? derision? I'm not sure) when others do amazing, beautiful things to celebrate the season that I will never duplicate. I love them a tiny little bit less in that moment because I feel like I lost that contest (the one I made up in my head). It just breaks my heart when I have to recover from feelings like that about people that I love.

And so I will continue to try and discard the meaningless. It doesn't matter what those things are, so I'm not going to list them here, because some things that are "meaningless" for me are incredibly important to others. If a tradition or practice truly brings you joy, then it is a good thing. Even if it causes a little stress. Sometimes even that price is not too high to pay. I just want to be aware of when it does become too costly.

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Good Bread

Update to this post, 12/14/2010: For some reason, the links to the actual recipe and blog post in the third paragraph below are dead. The whole article has disappeared. Drop me a line and I'll email you the recipe if you're curious. 

So, I've been a curious bread-baker for many years, with varying results. I have lots of books and have tried every single "proven" recipe that anyone and everyone has ever shared with me. I still never felt totally confident and sometimes the bread was great and sometimes not.

For the past couple of years I've been thrilled with my two no-knead recipes, found here and here and use them very, very often. I've never had a failure with either of these recipes.  Both make a rustically beautiful round loaf with an open, chewy crumb and a very chewy crust. Delicious for spreading with butter and honey and eating an entire loaf at one sitting, but not always so  perfect for every-day sandwiches. I have a bread machine recipe that I like a lot that I use for the kids' daily lunch bread, but I've been longing for a foolproof loaf-pan recipe that gives me the same confidence that the no-knead methods have given me.

 Yesterday, it dropped right into my lap. Or rather my email box. I'm so excited. Check it out here in a blog post with photos, detailed instructions and a great story and here for the printable recipe. I've made 2 loaves already with different flours and both came out perfectly. The loaf in the photos is made from King Arthur 100% White Whole Wheat. I also tried it with half regular flour/half home-ground wheat flour and that got eaten while it was still hot. Next will be the 100% regular whole wheat test, which I think will be tomorrow afternoon's Sunday Kitchen Therapy.  This bread has a fine, soft crumb and a soft crust and slices to perfection. It does make great toast, as the blog post attests, but I made myself a salami sandwich with mayo and it was heavenly. Likewise the steady stream of bread, butter and honey I've been living on today.

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Good Stories

Last night as I drove home from a teaching gig and some evening shopping, I chanced upon NPR's Hanukkah Lights. This is a feature that offers up to the listener specially commissioned stories by established authors during the Hanukkah season. I felt a physically soothing sensation as the well-crafted stories and remembrances moved through my ears to my brain and then to my heart. I felt connected with the world, more curious about people and place I've never been, and well, as cliche as it sounds, transported. It felt both like dreaming and being more awake at the same time.  These are all the reasons I love words and books and poetry.  I see pictures when I read or hear words and I can go places and see things through the act of reading or listening.  I've been so busy in the past weeks that it has been difficult for me to focus on reading. I'm always thinking of the next place to be, the next obligation I've taken on, the next thing on the list, so much so that every time I do sit down to read I find my mind  wandering back to the world where I live instead of taking that leap to spend some time in another world. 

This unexpected, found moment I had last night in the BJ's parking lot was a good reminder of the power of beautiful words and the fact that I must make time for them in my life. I need to find a book that fits my mindset right now and get back the restoration that reading has always offered me in the past. I think right now reading feels a bit like another obligation. So, maybe it needs to not be a book-group book, or a book I feel I should be reading because of its historical significance or because someone recommended it. Maybe I just need to pick up a book that catches my eye and read. Only for the sake of reading. I haven't done that in a while. 

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