Thursday, June 14, 2007

Observations:

Sara and Evan are off with Grandpa and the visiting cousins to Washington D.C. for the day. I am working on camp food as much as I can today. This week has been great. My list has worked like a charm, things have stayed together, and I was even organized enough for a totally impromptu trip to the temple with my good pal on Tuesday night. She called and my first instinct was to say no, but as I looked around, I realized that things were under control and I could go. I had finished my list for the day. It was kind of a wierd feeling. Dinner was made, the house was clean, homework was done, Who da thunk it? One of the guys on Mythbusters once said,"It's almost like we know what we're doing!" That was exactly how I felt when it dawned on me that I could leave feeling totally calm about how things would be while I was gone. It was wonderful to have that time with her. She's in another ward, and so our time together is precious.

When I have a week like this when I'm so busy that I know I need extra measures to keep my on track, I get in a mode where I'm focused and determined, and get so much accomplished and have margins in my day for thinking and serving and relaxing without guilt. When this happens, I always stop and wonder why I don't live my life this way all the time. You would think I would, but I don't. I have to allow the sad realization that I really am an adrenaline junkie. Just like any addiction, I need to work on weaning myself off of it and learning to function without always being one step away from the precipice. Of course it comes from the flawed thinking that freedom means a lack of structure. True principles remind me that freedom always comes from structure, as long as it's the right structure. Order brings peace, disorder brings forced motivation and the rush of the push to get things done combined with the temporary high of being sucessful under pressure. I hope I'm getting wise enough to desire the peace more than the rush.

5 comments:

  1. Sometimes it's eerie, Kellie, reading your thoughts and feeling that I am so very similar. I'm really impressed with how you are able to articulate it -- I feel like I'm realizing things about myself from reading your blog about you!

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  2. ditto Joni on the articulation/realization.

    And LOL at: "When this happens, I always stop and wonder why I don't live my life this way all the time." :D

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  3. Great thoughts Kellie!! I love the "down-time", what a great idea to actually schedule it!!

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  4. I too, am always amazed by what I can get done when I am focued. I'm so glad your week went well!

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  5. This reminds me of so many conversations I've had with my mom about my kids. She used to call me the schedule nazi, because I would not budge on naptime, mealtime, etc. But I knew once that routine was set, we could break the rules a little. Everyone is much better when they've got a schedule and a sense of normalcy.

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Thank you for sharing your insights!