Sunday, May 09, 2010

Opening Up


I got so mad at my daughter today of all days. She was still in bed when it was time to go.
After my lovely breakfast, complete with singing and gifts.
I lost my temper completely. It made my heart shrivel up and get hard and cold.
Do you know what I mean? I could actually feel my heart get smaller.
I got to church and felt alone in the crowd. I was annoyed at everything and everyone.
I hate it when I feel that way. This is more than just my church community.
They're my family.
I found a scripture in the Bible about the wrath of fools.
It is heavier than a rock. As heavy as a hard heart. I know that now.
I wrote my girl a note during the service and felt a tiny little softness start.
Then the lessons helped me think about prayer and healing.
I came home and was given the gift of time to rest and think.
I caught up on blogs and wrote thank you notes.
I sent my sisters a mother's day email.
I felt my connections with the world start to reweave themselves.
I listened to my family work together to make dinner.
I got to hear the faraway voice of my son in Chile.
 My dad came over and helped with the dinner.
My friend who is like family came for dinner and we laughed and laughed.
I asked the family for one last gift, something rare and precious. They said yes.
There wasn't a single rolling eye. I was amazed.
You can see it here.

My heart is beating again.
 


8 comments:

  1. Oh, Kellie. I feel your pain. Those are the moments we pray for a do-over. Thankfully the Lord gives us those in his tender mercies. I am so glad your day turned out with glorious family photos and that missionary phone call. Thank you for being "real" enough to express what the rest of us have felt and have gone through.

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  2. Thank you for your lovely blogs! They are most enjoyable. It's refreshing to know that someone I hold as "practically perfect in every way" is actually human--at least once in awhile. :o)

    Love to your amazing family,

    Britt
    {F}

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  3. Oh I know what you mean. And the whole feel of the church day too. Look how cute your family was about taking pics. I love that the bishop there was already dressed down. :-) What a cute family you have

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  4. You are so lovely and honest and refreshing Kellie!! I think you rock in every way including being a mom! Happy mothers day and I love the pictures!!

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  5. OH! I've had this day. I feel you. It's so hard to let that tiny softness start. I want to hold on to it! Looks like you turned it around. LOVE the pics! (I need to catch up on blogs too. I'm way behind.)

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  6. Ah, the ups and downs of motherhood. I'm SO glad you were able to let some softness start, and that the day ended well. And the pictures (as usual) are lovely.)

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  7. You have perfectly captured a feeling that so many of us have, that in the moment feels as if no one in the world would understand it, but your description here is spot on and I for one know that I've been in that place, too. (Sometimes it may seem like multiple times a day.) I love your honesty and openness, and girlfriend, you are one cute Mama there with your crew. :)

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  8. Thank you Kellie. That's all. :)

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Thank you for sharing your insights!