Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I needed a walk last night in the spring sunset air 
with the trees full-leafed and sheltering

I think my heart was just tired of so many different feelings from recent days
and I needed to give it a rest

I have to go slowly now because of constant pain in my leg 
and back and hip and as I thought of how I used to run these trails effortlessly 
my heart was even heavier and I almost turned back, 
not wanting to drag such a weight around

But the glowing sky with flocks of birds racing the sun to roost 
and the blooming wild roses all along the way pulled me along, 
step by step till all the pain finally became a kind of dull rhythm 
that I could choose to ignore. 


I can walk for just 12 minutes and find myself sitting in the middle of a tiny river 
with trees on the banks 
and even though evidence of people is all around, 
nature triumphs in small ways and someday, 
this place will remain, even if we are all gone

I thought of that, of how the ugliness of the litter 
and the big work machines and torn-up earth of a major infrastructure project 
have tainted this place and stolen some of the peace 

But that how soon, it will be hard to know where the damage was done 
because the plants want to grow and the land will return to equilibrium

And so I perched on a rock with the water all around me 
and searched for my own return to the place I was before



But I realized that the water is already passed-there's no turning it back
There is no return to yesterday, there is only drawing on the strength of yesterday, 
the remains of days past that form the growing place for tomorrows

I fought that for a minute, reaching stubbornly again for time to turn back, for things to be unsaid, for miracles to change the direction of a step, for everything to be different

But it just won't be
It will only be now
Not different. 

I cried, finally, and the tears were good ones
When my eyes cleared,  I knew I had to go before the dark rushed in

I remembered to look for my silly rocks, 
you know, the heart-shaped ones and saw them all over the place



I started home, carrying rough-sculpted little hearts that remind me 
to look for love and hope in the most unlikely places,
and feeling lighter and less tired




4 comments:

  1. You are such a gifted and beautiful writer. I feel like I've been on that same walk before. It was good for my soul just to read it. I hope things are brighter today!

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  2. Beautiful Kel. I loved reading this.

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  3. What a beautiful post. Well written and so thoughtful. Lovely. I am hoping that whatever is weighing on your mind is becoming easier to bear.

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  4. Bless your heart. That was beautiful. And I am so sorry that you seem to be hurting in more ways than one. I love you.

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Thank you for sharing your insights!