Sunday, March 04, 2012

Opened Up

The winter, mild as it has been, kind of closed in on me. I went for several dr. appointments and testing to find out about the pain in my body and I just couldn't think of anything too interesting to write about. I don't have Rheumatoid Arthritis, which is good news. I do have a vitamin D deficiency, but these days, it seems that everyone does, with the internet and sunscreen and all that.  But that means the pain in my joints is still a mystery. Maybe it is the beginnings of Osteoarthritis, but I kind of failed that test, too.  They X-rayed my back and it was fine, so the constant sciatica might be coming from Piriformis Syndrome. That comes from either running too much or sitting too much. Don't you love it when the doctor says things like that?

So, the pain persists but a diagnosis remains elusive. There are worse things. But it kind of took hold of my mind.

Then I went away for 10 days and could think of other things and saw my family and soaked up the magical light of Arizona. I took photos and taught classes and saw friends and felt a little more real, not so much like I was acting in the play called Kellie's Life.
The rare Army Jeep my brother restored, part by part. It is really beautiful. 
Really, there is nothing better than a three-year old niece in her ballet togs. 

I have the best sisters-in-law on the planet. Seriously. 

I love Arizona. I just do. 

My lovely sister in her 7th month

In between I knit-blogged and worked on art projects and made a fresh start to lose some weight so that I can try to ease some of the pain that way.

Last night I started seeds indoors and started preparing to put the first seeds outside in the garden this week. The indoor batches are on my seed-starting shelves in the family room and sitting here on the sofa while the boys play a board game and Sara works on her painting, I can smell the earthy soil as it cradles those miraculous little packages of life. I'm always amazed, every single year, that something so small and dry can grow into mighty plants from which I can get actual food to eat or flowers to brighten my day. It's just as amazing to me, on Sunday afternoons like these when everything slows down and we just hang out together laughing or making cookies or singing the latest silly song from YouTube, that these beautiful, intelligent, funny creatures are my children, all grown up. It's astonishing.

And then there's this book I just read. It held me until the very end, bringing back my old days of reading books, non-stop, in a day or two. It was beautiful and heartbreaking and hopeful, all at the same time. The words made pictures and textures and I felt like I was actually on a farm in Maine

Spring is coming, I can feel the light and energy building, ready to break open the long darkness of winter and bring new creativity and excitement.

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