As I sit here, virtuously eating my grapefruit and carefully measured piece of good-for-me quiche for a tidy breakfast total of 4 Weight Watchers points, I am faced with the fact that I gained weight this week. 1 pound. Last week I lost 3. Both weeks I was within my total points allowance, but my metabolism is just so slow right now, and my body so sensitive to the wild hormonal fluctuations of pre-menopause, that I have to be more diligent. I have to stay within my daily points allowance AND keep away from the flexible points AND accumulate about 25 extra points for exercise. That's the formula that will work for me to lose. That's what has worked the weeks I've actually lost weight so that is the goal. It's a big goal. I'm having some success with the goals of tracking my food regularly, getting used to my body's hunger signals, and trying to talk myself through moments of emotional eating. Granted, sometimes the talking through ends up becoming a pity party and I eat anyway, and I have no compunction about tracking those chocolate chips, but at least the thought processes are changing.
Overall, I have lost weight over these 5 weeks of trying, but only a net of 1.5 lbs and the ups and downs are so frustrating. Sort a metaphor for my whole arc of life. Two steps forward. One step back. Or vice versa sometimes. The progress seems maddenly slow. But it's all on me. I can't always blame it on my hormones, and I can't pretend that thinking about exercise and wearing my workout clothes all day actually makes a difference, much as I'd like to do so.
So, I'm a bit discouraged, but I'm rejoicing in the fact that I'm still in it. I went to a meeting at 7 am this morning and stepped on the scale and took my lumps. I bought their activity tracker that automatically converts my steps and exercise into points that I can spend. Well, except that I can't spend. As in my financial life, I have to be a saver rather than a spender.
So there you go. I only have one brain and it seems to handle all my temptations the same way. There can be comfort in that. If I change one part of myself, maybe the rest will follow.
On to the great outdoors and a morning photo shoot. Evan and Eric are out on a camping trip so I have the house to myself and just enough time to get a little bit of cleaning done before I leave.
Here's to new mornings and sunrises and being outside in the last golden colors of Autumn.