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Friday, November 15, 2013

The Present Day

I've been working so hard at catching up on the last 4 months that I've lost the thread of what's happening now. And I all have to show for the attempted traveloguing is a bunch of drafts. I have to get writing again about the things that I'm experiencing instead of focusing so heavily on memories. Maybe that lack of recording in real time is why I'm feeling restless and sort of unsettled right now. So, here it is, my actual daily life.

When last we met, Sara was heading out to the MTC. Her visa to serve in Brazil has not yet come, so she is still in Provo Utah. Her time there will end on Nov. 26, then she will be assigned to serve somewhere in the United States until her visa is processed. That could be anywhere that has a need for more missionaries, from West Virginia to California. She is hoping to go to the Deep South.

Her attitude continues to delight me, and her reports are filled with learning, hope and humility. Here are a few photos to give an idea of what she's up to.

Here she is actually leaving us at the airport:
video
I do love that spring in her step as she swirls away.

Here are more photos from the MTC:
The 4 women missionaries in her zone. 

She says this is from soon after she arrived. 

Yes, she and the other sisters are making silly faces. 
Sam ran into her and her companion while doing some work
at the MTC
Her last email included this sweetness:
I just wanted to say that life is great. We are so lucky to have the experiences that we have. Even the hard ones, especially since we have someone who knows EXACTLY what we're going through right next to us the whole time. I'm talking about Jesus Christ, if you couldn't guess. He loves us so much that he took on ALL our pains and sicknesses and sadness and of course our sins. Isn't that AWESOME?!?! For you! And you! And all of us! He did this so that we could give it all up to Him. So take advantage of that! Once you've tried your best and can't go on anymore, just pass everything on to our older brother and Savior. He's waiting. 
Now Evan and Eric and I are adjusting back to life as three, and much of that time is spent getting ready for Evan to go away. Just today he tried to have his wisdom teeth surgically removed, but an errant sip of hot cocoa shared by a friend (he was supposed to be totally fasting), then honestly confessed at the surgeon's office caused it to be put off for another 2 weeks. He's also nearly got his college application for BYU finished, and he has started on his missionary application. In between all that he has wrestling season starting up and an Eagle scout project to plan.

It's the busy season for me in both photography and knitting. Things just come up. And of course, I'm going to be a grandmother, which I don't even think I've written about on her yet in any meaningful way. And I've gotten very excited about the work opportunities in front of me right now. And I've STILL been traveling like a fool. And I've got to start making sense of it all.

This is not a particularly good post, and for that I'm sorry, but writing again from my heart, rather than only documenting facts and dates, seems important. I am restless and in one of those cycles where my connections to people around me seem tenuous. I keep getting defensive (and offensive) and saying wrong things and causing awkwardness with people I love.  It's tempting to want to move away and start over somewhere. We've talked about moving down so Eric could walk to work and we could live the urban life for a little while, complete with new sights and sounds and breakfasts at the local cafe and all that. I have to say, after typing that little scenario, it sounds refreshing and right, but it would be so much work to get this house ready to sell, and I'm not sure that is the best use of money right now. I need to consider it more, and remember that wherever I go, there I'll be, including my big mouth, so there are probably better ways to calm the tempest in my heart.

Question for you: Have you ever felt this way? Like you just can't get a human interaction right to save your life? Or is it just me?


3 comments:

Jessie and Austin said...

YES and it's the worst. It seems to go in shifts for me, one undesirable interaction after another and then randomly I bloom out of my funk and am relieved to be considerate, easy going, fun to be around Jessie again. I particularly hate when I'm in a poor interaction mode because I'm fully aware of when I'm being [over sensitive, selfish, unyielding, judgmental, unforgiving, or just lame] and then I feel worse because I'm not in the mood to change it. You'll figure it out - you have so much good in your life and are so strong for so many people...I bet you're doing better than you let yourself realize. All this not to diminish how you're feeling, because I (think) I get it and it's not really something you can control completely, but a reminder that we are always in motion and cycling through phases and this one will pass, just like the others.
Although you had me at "breakfast at the local cafe."

Julia said...

First, congratulations, Grandma! That's fabulous news!!!

Second, glad to hear from Sara and that she's really enjoying her experiences there. Here's hoping her visa comes through quickly.

Third, you are not alone. There are times when I limit my human interaction to only completely necessary ones because I know I cannot be trusted to be kind. Please don't move on account of that! I know it's difficult to repair relationships when it feels like you're not at fault because the Natural Woman got loose and did some things that you would never normally do, but those who love you and know you will freely forgive and chalk it up to a bad day or whatever. Cuz we know how sweet and wonderful you really are. {{{big hugs}}} Love you!

Heather said...

I've missed out on all your travels and can't allow myself the time to get caught up on them now, but it's so good to hear your voice again, even if you don't feel this post is particularly polished. I feel like I'm always trying to get back into the blogging world, always trying to get caught up so I can blog again--real processing-the-moment blogging--and keep up again with my dear still-blogging friends who haven't capitulated entirely to facebook.

As for social interactions gone awry, been there, done that. Ugh. But I've found that most people know I mean well and love them in my heart of hearts, so it all works out eventually. Even though we haven't had many opportunities to hang out in "real life," I admire you tremendously and consider you one of the most sincere and loving people I know. For what it's worth. :)

Anyway, I loved reading Sara's declaration of Christ's love. She's going to do amazing things for Him wherever she goes!

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