Saturday, April 25, 2015

15 Minutes

I found this random hashtag online a few weeks ago that has has been a blessing to me. It's #nozerodays. I haven't taken the time to research the origins or even look at other people's posts so hashtagged, but what it has become to me is another tool in my lifelong, ongoing battle to overcome inertia and perfectionism. I stop doing so many good things and keep doing so many lame things because of unrealistic expectations. This trait of mine constantly frustrates me and frustration has the upside-down effect of paralyzing me rather than motivating me.

I'm trying to lose the useless frustration and choose other attitudes. So today, I'm taking the last 15 minutes I have before I have to get to work and writing some things down. I also got up and walked yesterday. And today, I didn't walk but I did one circuit of my 7 workout. Just one. But I did something.

I've totally fallen out of the habit of working on Precision Nutrition, but the idea of No Zero Days means that I can start again, like the 100th time, even though it's embarrassing to start again, again. Oh, and yep...again. I've learned that when it comes to losing weight, it's sort of like finding religion. People who find religion and make changes are the ones who feel a blank space in their lives. I had the realization yesterday while doing an intake interview to become a test subject at NIH that I'm ridiculously healthy. As I answered all the questions about medications and conditions and my history, the girl said over and over again, "Wait, really? Nothing? No meds? No this? No that?" And I had to answer truthfully, no. Sometimes, when I'm feeling grumpy or lonely, or especially lame and inertial, I think I have stuff going on, but I really don't. And there's the rub. My only motivation for losing weight is vanity. I wish I looked different. Yes, haters gonna hate me and my size 12 self and tell me to count my blessings. I know. Go for it.
Me and Beth, up at 6 yesterday and climbing stairs and feeling
good. It was definitely a #nozerodays moment. 
The thing is that vanity is not a good enough reason to lose weight. Life is good enough that I don't really feel any missing pieces unless I look in a mirror. The rest of the time, I'm just fine. Aches and pains from injuries, yes. A rumbly tummy a lot of the time, yes. But nothing to slow me down or cause me to be actually unable to function. Vanity robs me of spiritual strength and is basically selfish, so it's actually not motivating. Please understand that I'm not talking about healthy admiration and gratitude for my body, I'm talking about actually coveting the body of someone else and wishing I looked like them. For me, it's the models in the Title Nine Sports Catalog. Or Sundance. Coveting is also selfish and spirit-draining.

So, No Zero Days is an exercise in doing things because they are right. Because they will keep me healthy or happy. Because they bring the spirit of God and joy and love into my life. I know. It sounds so basic, but I'm not basic. I'm complicated. It's my gift and my trial. Sigh.

Right now, my No Zero Days are focused on some kind of exercise, on picking up and rejoining PN for the millionth time and not being embarrassed about not being able to do it like someone else. I'm also focused on writing every day. And practicing some skill that needs practicing, like photography, rather than just resting on past experience.

And now my 15 minutes are up. What could you do with the idea of No Zero Days?

1 comment:

  1. thanks for these thought Kellie! I look down at my (used to be 12 now squishy 14) body and know that it is laziness and busy-ness that keeps me from being active and happy and comfy in my clothes and skin. though it is easy to blame a weak bladder that won't behave jogging down hills...

    My No Zero Days could go towards motherhood joys, being active, lasting memories, consciously doing good/serving others intentionally. I am going to think on this more.


Thank you for sharing your insights!