Monday, December 21, 2015

A Beautiful Dichotomy

Whoops, thought this posted last week. This is from early Tuesday, December 15, just before we left for Utah.

Today, my daughter and I leave for another big trip. This time last year I was gone from home for 6 weeks exactly. This time it will be a little less than that, about 28 days.

Right now, the house is quiet after an arduous night packing and preparing. My temper was short, stress was high and a lot seemed at stake. My daughter is leaving home again, off to her next big thing--university--so she is not just throwing a few things in a suitcase, she's sorting through her whole life here and letting it go. I'm setting aside my work and time to focus on family. Big things are happening here at home as we prepare to have some special new people join our household. It still seems like there are about 1000 small details to tend to, and some of them just won't get handled right now. That's the way it goes. I think I've come to terms with that.

It's going to be okay.

I think what is hard is that I am of two minds about this trip. On the one hand, I'm off! I'm setting out! I'm exploring! I'm facing the US interstate system in the beginning of winter!  Family! Friends! Adventure! Mountains! Deserts! Huzzah!

On the other hand,  I'm leaving behind my whole life here; including people with whom I spend truly happy times, and my little Hobbity house full of books and comfy chairs and plenty of clean socks for my ever-cold feet. I'm leaving behind those final details I mentioned above. I'm thinking through and worrying about a lot of little lists in my head.

And thus the title. In the end, I actually am grateful that, even though I live hundreds of miles from my closest relations, I love the people in my everyday life so much that I miss them when I'm gone. The good news of course is that relationships endure through absences and in this day and age, I can see what my friends are up to pretty much every day if I want. I can talk and text as often as I need with the lovely young lady living with us and thereby help her through the last tasks before her boys come. She has friends who will be helping with that as well.

Home actually is where the heart is, and my heart lives all over the place.

It's going to be okay.

Family matters and mine is amazing, so this is absolutely the perfect way for things to be going. I want to be with them at Christmas. One friend pointed out that as soon as I'm with my actual relations, I'll be fine and enjoy being in the moment. I know that's true.

I do struggle though with that habit, the one where I'm always thinking about either the past or the future. Right now, I must remember that in this minute, all is well. I stand between 2 happy realities--being in the arms of my family and being at home with my friends. I love that there is no bad option there. I'm determined to just stay in each moment as it comes.

So, off I go to travel the 1800-mile road between one kind of home and another. No need to think of leaving my heart behind.

Lucky me.

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