For me, this seems pretty reasonable.
May 31, 2007
My Interview from Cami
May 28, 2007
I'm a little behind the curve on this, but I thought it would be fun anyway. Here are my answers to Cami's questions:
These were good questions, Cami-Thanks!
1. When is a time when you have stood up for yourself? Do you find it hard to do? Do you have to defend yourself often?
As the second child, I think I'm genetically unable to stand up for myself. I find myself boldest when I think someone is in danger, such as when my oldest son was engaging in some disturbing behavior. I learned fast that the phrase "pick your battles" is a euphemism for "I don't feel like fighting." I decided to fight. It was worth it, but it was the hardest year of my life so far. Even when I knew I'd said the right things, calmly, and under the influence of the spirit, he was so angry that it just drained me dry. I have a nasty temper and usually choose to roll over rather than assert myself because I quickly go from nice to nasty without a whole lot of anything else in between.
2. What is your earliest memory? How old do you think you were?
I remember moving from Utah to Maryland. I distinctly remember one of the gifts I received for my 4th birthday, which was celebrated in a motel in Glen Burnie, MD. It was tiny jewelry box, shaped like a cube, with 4 drawers, covered with orange fabric with white daisies on it.
3. They say people are either "mountain" people or "beach" people. Which are you, and why?
I am a beach person. I am not sure why, because I love mountains, but not in the same way as the beach. I love the rhythm, the daily cycles of tide and light, and the soothing sound of the waves that I can feel in my bones. I also love the wind and the view to the horizon. I think it's because I always have so much going on in my brain. The beach takes the world down to its essentials-light, water, earth, air-in their most elemental forms, and I think my brain rests a little bit.
4. What person, dead or alive, has directly made the most (or at least a lot of) impact on your life and why? It would have to be my husband Eric, but the moment of most profound influence happened before we were married. While I was still a senior in high school, he helped me through a decision that, had I gone in the direction I was headed, my life would be completely different today.
5. (I'll steal this one from Jann) What do you like most about where you are in your life right now? I like that I'm not looking for someday or dwelling negatively on the past anymore. I'm not saying "When______ happens, then I'll be happy." I am in the moment. I have few regrets because I'm starting to understand the atonement enough to realize that the past is only as heavy a burden as I make it. I am all about every day being a fresh start.
Want some questions of your own? Leave me a comment saying,
"interview me!" and I will respond by e-mailing you five questions
(if your email is not on your profile, email me your desire to be
interviewed so I know your address). I get to pick them, and you have
to answer them all. You will update your blog with the answers to the
questions.You will include this explanation and an offer to interview
someone else in the same post.When others comment asking to be
interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Happy Blogging!
These were good questions, Cami-Thanks!
1. When is a time when you have stood up for yourself? Do you find it hard to do? Do you have to defend yourself often?
As the second child, I think I'm genetically unable to stand up for myself. I find myself boldest when I think someone is in danger, such as when my oldest son was engaging in some disturbing behavior. I learned fast that the phrase "pick your battles" is a euphemism for "I don't feel like fighting." I decided to fight. It was worth it, but it was the hardest year of my life so far. Even when I knew I'd said the right things, calmly, and under the influence of the spirit, he was so angry that it just drained me dry. I have a nasty temper and usually choose to roll over rather than assert myself because I quickly go from nice to nasty without a whole lot of anything else in between.
2. What is your earliest memory? How old do you think you were?
I remember moving from Utah to Maryland. I distinctly remember one of the gifts I received for my 4th birthday, which was celebrated in a motel in Glen Burnie, MD. It was tiny jewelry box, shaped like a cube, with 4 drawers, covered with orange fabric with white daisies on it.
3. They say people are either "mountain" people or "beach" people. Which are you, and why?
I am a beach person. I am not sure why, because I love mountains, but not in the same way as the beach. I love the rhythm, the daily cycles of tide and light, and the soothing sound of the waves that I can feel in my bones. I also love the wind and the view to the horizon. I think it's because I always have so much going on in my brain. The beach takes the world down to its essentials-light, water, earth, air-in their most elemental forms, and I think my brain rests a little bit.
4. What person, dead or alive, has directly made the most (or at least a lot of) impact on your life and why? It would have to be my husband Eric, but the moment of most profound influence happened before we were married. While I was still a senior in high school, he helped me through a decision that, had I gone in the direction I was headed, my life would be completely different today.
5. (I'll steal this one from Jann) What do you like most about where you are in your life right now? I like that I'm not looking for someday or dwelling negatively on the past anymore. I'm not saying "When______ happens, then I'll be happy." I am in the moment. I have few regrets because I'm starting to understand the atonement enough to realize that the past is only as heavy a burden as I make it. I am all about every day being a fresh start.
Want some questions of your own? Leave me a comment saying,
"interview me!" and I will respond by e-mailing you five questions
(if your email is not on your profile, email me your desire to be
interviewed so I know your address). I get to pick them, and you have
to answer them all. You will update your blog with the answers to the
questions.You will include this explanation and an offer to interview
someone else in the same post.When others comment asking to be
interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Happy Blogging!
Another Year. Disclaimer: I've been swimming in the deep end. Bring your Water Wings if you want to join me...
May 27, 2007
I am getting ready to end my fifth school year of teaching Seminary. I've been all around the courses of study and started over. I found out today in two ways that I will for sure be teaching again next year. It was assumed, but nothing official had been done yet. Anyway, the first was during the opening song in church today. It was, of course, "I'll go where you want me to go...I'll say what you want me to say...I'll be what you want me to be..." I think I actually heard the words "A Seminary Teacher" in the bass line at the end of that third verse. Did anyone else hear that? The second way was when I mentioned it to Eric the Bishop, he said, "Did we talk about this already? We just made the decision this week, but I still need to get you the paperwork." Seminary is not a calling, so it doesn't go through the usual channels and procedures. That's why he could just come right out and tell me. Basically, I am asked to volunteer each year.
Part of me is so relieved because I am so in my little zone when I am teaching teenagers. I just love them to pieces. Even when they're asleep.
Unfortunately, part of me is timidly suggesting from the corner of my brain in the teeniest, tiniest little whisper that maybe I'm not up to it anymore. Five years hasn't turned me from a night owl to a morning person, and frankly, I'm not sure I get enough sleep in the summer to square up the sleep debt. I find myself thinking that someone more exciting, more interesting or more fun would surely be better. I'm not witty. I am tragically unhip. I'll still be listening to the All American Rejects long after I'm supposed to be. None of them have ever heard of my favorite U2 songs. When we play games I never remember to buy treats the night before and I usually rig them so everyone wins. I cry just about every single day. I make them sing all the verses of the hymns at 5:50 am. I'm not a scripture scholar-just a scripture seeker. I still have to sing the Primary songs to know the order of the prophets and books of the Old and New Testaments. I'm terrible with the administrative stuff. I want to give everyone an A+ just because they never give up.
More worrisome for me is that it is very difficult to form relationships with kids in seminary because I have 50 minutes that has to be devoted to teaching while a fourth of them are drooling on their scriptures, then they are out the door for another day. I don't get to interact with them as happens in other settings. So, it is really hard to know if I'm reaching them. With 23 of them completely under my stewardship and nothing like a presidency to share the load, it will be nearly impossible to try and attend their activities to try and form those bonds. Plus, it's just plain lonely sometimes to have no one to bounce ideas off of or offer a little tiny bit of reassurance that one is on the right track. I think they trust me and know I love them and all, and I feel blessed that this next year 23 kids will be entrusted to me, but oh, that whisper from the corner gets my attention sometimes.
I'm not fishing for compliments here, and I know from whence all these doubts come, but they do round my shoulders a bit at times. I know the way to dispel them, but sometimes it helps just to get them out. Sort of like Ron's slugs-better out than in. I know my purpose, which is to give them the opportunity to feel the spirit confirm truth. I try hard to create an atmosphere of safety and trust where everyone is kind and attentive. We do pretty well at kind (I have ZERO behavior problems) but not so great on attentive. I think I shoot par for the course on that one though. Considering 100% of other teenagers are still asleep, the fact that I have 75% of the local mormon teenager population awake is really pretty impressive. I have occasionally wondered about the word of wisdom ramifications of coffee-flavored candy, but I've never gone that far. I have, however, shot at sleeping youth with a nerf gun. It was fun. I usually aim for the open mouth but when the head is completely back, it's hard to hit. The kids actually tell me I should do more of that, but the moment is not often right for it.
The bottom line is that the overwhelming responsibility I have been blessed with sometimes, well, overwhelms me. Just like a wave that catches you by surprise in the surf. I still love to play in the surf though, no matter how scraped up my legs get. I still get happy every morning when they start coming through my door. They always show up. I can do that.
Part of me is so relieved because I am so in my little zone when I am teaching teenagers. I just love them to pieces. Even when they're asleep.
Unfortunately, part of me is timidly suggesting from the corner of my brain in the teeniest, tiniest little whisper that maybe I'm not up to it anymore. Five years hasn't turned me from a night owl to a morning person, and frankly, I'm not sure I get enough sleep in the summer to square up the sleep debt. I find myself thinking that someone more exciting, more interesting or more fun would surely be better. I'm not witty. I am tragically unhip. I'll still be listening to the All American Rejects long after I'm supposed to be. None of them have ever heard of my favorite U2 songs. When we play games I never remember to buy treats the night before and I usually rig them so everyone wins. I cry just about every single day. I make them sing all the verses of the hymns at 5:50 am. I'm not a scripture scholar-just a scripture seeker. I still have to sing the Primary songs to know the order of the prophets and books of the Old and New Testaments. I'm terrible with the administrative stuff. I want to give everyone an A+ just because they never give up.
More worrisome for me is that it is very difficult to form relationships with kids in seminary because I have 50 minutes that has to be devoted to teaching while a fourth of them are drooling on their scriptures, then they are out the door for another day. I don't get to interact with them as happens in other settings. So, it is really hard to know if I'm reaching them. With 23 of them completely under my stewardship and nothing like a presidency to share the load, it will be nearly impossible to try and attend their activities to try and form those bonds. Plus, it's just plain lonely sometimes to have no one to bounce ideas off of or offer a little tiny bit of reassurance that one is on the right track. I think they trust me and know I love them and all, and I feel blessed that this next year 23 kids will be entrusted to me, but oh, that whisper from the corner gets my attention sometimes.
I'm not fishing for compliments here, and I know from whence all these doubts come, but they do round my shoulders a bit at times. I know the way to dispel them, but sometimes it helps just to get them out. Sort of like Ron's slugs-better out than in. I know my purpose, which is to give them the opportunity to feel the spirit confirm truth. I try hard to create an atmosphere of safety and trust where everyone is kind and attentive. We do pretty well at kind (I have ZERO behavior problems) but not so great on attentive. I think I shoot par for the course on that one though. Considering 100% of other teenagers are still asleep, the fact that I have 75% of the local mormon teenager population awake is really pretty impressive. I have occasionally wondered about the word of wisdom ramifications of coffee-flavored candy, but I've never gone that far. I have, however, shot at sleeping youth with a nerf gun. It was fun. I usually aim for the open mouth but when the head is completely back, it's hard to hit. The kids actually tell me I should do more of that, but the moment is not often right for it.
The bottom line is that the overwhelming responsibility I have been blessed with sometimes, well, overwhelms me. Just like a wave that catches you by surprise in the surf. I still love to play in the surf though, no matter how scraped up my legs get. I still get happy every morning when they start coming through my door. They always show up. I can do that.
Sum-up Saturday
May 26, 2007
This has been a big week. All good stuff though. Really. I wouldn't trade a minute of it.
On Thursday, Evan and I got to speak at the Howard County Board of Education meeting about the previously mentioned Simulated Congressional Hearings. His teacher spoke as well. They like to highlight programs every once in a while. Not all the schools in HoCo do it, and one of the county resource teachers wanted us to talk it up to create energy for it to spread to more schools. I was happy to do it since it is one of my favorite units. Evan was great-he was super nervous about it, especially when he saw the room with the dias for all the board members (kind of like a courtroom) and the podium, etc. But, he gave his little speech like a pro. I told him it was pretty much like all the talks he's given in primary, and it was. He was totally poised.
Thursday night was the Enrichment Fair which is where all the GT kids show off their various projects. Evan had to go and host a couple of his projects for a while, and they asked me to take photos. Thursday night I also had to finish writing an exam for seminary, but I was happy to have it done because I had been thinking about it all week.
Friday I had my visiting teachers come, then I hosted my in-person book group. We discussed Cold Sassy Tree, which I loved because it took me back to our two very happy years living in Georgia. I made southern corn bread (not as sweet, baked in a cast-iron skillet) and fresh lemonade. The other gals brought a lovely selection of salads. Excellent fun.
Friday night I got a last minute chance to go down to Wolf Trap and see Garrison Keillor and Prairie Home Companion. It wasn't the live radio broadcast, which means it was actually a longer show and a little more laid back. The Wailin' Jennys, one of my new favorite bands, were the guests. As a long-time listener to PHC, it was a thrill to see it in person. And the WJ's were exquisite-three beautiful voices in flawless harmony while playing their own instruments.
Today, I slept sort of late-7:30. Johnathan left soon after I awoke for an Ultimate Frisbee tourny, then the rest of us went to an early movie-9:40-I haver never been to a morning movie. It was a little wierd eating popcorn at that time of day. After the movie, everyone pitched in for some major yard work. I felt like a reasonably wise parent as Johnathan came home upset about something at the tournament, but instead of making him talk about it, I insisted (gently) that he come work with us. He came out with a storm cloud over his head, but by the time we cleaned up and had our grilled salmon for dinner, he was back to his old self. The yard work wore me out, so I actually took a nap in the hammock. That was lovely. I fell asleep watching the birds soaring from tree to tree against the blue skies. I saw robins, goldfinches, starlings, doves and cardinals. I did not see or hear the woodpecker that was visiting our yard in early spring. I wonder if he found better bark somewhere else. After dinner we played a round of Apples to Apples then Eric ran and got us some ice cream while I lit a fire in our little outdoor firebowl. Everyone came out for a while--it's become our new evening tradition-- Sam played his guitar, we watched the embers die and the moon rise. Ahhhh. Now, I'm blogging and the fam is watching a little Napoleon Dynamite. It has been a good day. The best part is, we have another one pretty much like it coming up on Monday. I love long weekends.
On Thursday, Evan and I got to speak at the Howard County Board of Education meeting about the previously mentioned Simulated Congressional Hearings. His teacher spoke as well. They like to highlight programs every once in a while. Not all the schools in HoCo do it, and one of the county resource teachers wanted us to talk it up to create energy for it to spread to more schools. I was happy to do it since it is one of my favorite units. Evan was great-he was super nervous about it, especially when he saw the room with the dias for all the board members (kind of like a courtroom) and the podium, etc. But, he gave his little speech like a pro. I told him it was pretty much like all the talks he's given in primary, and it was. He was totally poised.
Thursday night was the Enrichment Fair which is where all the GT kids show off their various projects. Evan had to go and host a couple of his projects for a while, and they asked me to take photos. Thursday night I also had to finish writing an exam for seminary, but I was happy to have it done because I had been thinking about it all week.
Friday I had my visiting teachers come, then I hosted my in-person book group. We discussed Cold Sassy Tree, which I loved because it took me back to our two very happy years living in Georgia. I made southern corn bread (not as sweet, baked in a cast-iron skillet) and fresh lemonade. The other gals brought a lovely selection of salads. Excellent fun.
Friday night I got a last minute chance to go down to Wolf Trap and see Garrison Keillor and Prairie Home Companion. It wasn't the live radio broadcast, which means it was actually a longer show and a little more laid back. The Wailin' Jennys, one of my new favorite bands, were the guests. As a long-time listener to PHC, it was a thrill to see it in person. And the WJ's were exquisite-three beautiful voices in flawless harmony while playing their own instruments.
Today, I slept sort of late-7:30. Johnathan left soon after I awoke for an Ultimate Frisbee tourny, then the rest of us went to an early movie-9:40-I haver never been to a morning movie. It was a little wierd eating popcorn at that time of day. After the movie, everyone pitched in for some major yard work. I felt like a reasonably wise parent as Johnathan came home upset about something at the tournament, but instead of making him talk about it, I insisted (gently) that he come work with us. He came out with a storm cloud over his head, but by the time we cleaned up and had our grilled salmon for dinner, he was back to his old self. The yard work wore me out, so I actually took a nap in the hammock. That was lovely. I fell asleep watching the birds soaring from tree to tree against the blue skies. I saw robins, goldfinches, starlings, doves and cardinals. I did not see or hear the woodpecker that was visiting our yard in early spring. I wonder if he found better bark somewhere else. After dinner we played a round of Apples to Apples then Eric ran and got us some ice cream while I lit a fire in our little outdoor firebowl. Everyone came out for a while--it's become our new evening tradition-- Sam played his guitar, we watched the embers die and the moon rise. Ahhhh. Now, I'm blogging and the fam is watching a little Napoleon Dynamite. It has been a good day. The best part is, we have another one pretty much like it coming up on Monday. I love long weekends.
Roses and Peonies
May 24, 2007
One of my fondest dreams is to be a real rose gardener someday. That will require a major overhaul in my character, because roses need consistent, careful, measured, routine, precise and steady attention. These are not words I or anyone else would use to describe me. So, in the meantime, I have an interim rose garden with hardy, strong varieties that give me immense enjoyment in spite of my antithetical rose personality. Here is a tour of my sweet-smelling friends, along with a peek at perhaps the ultimate rose companion.
My garden gate is overrun with a riotous sweetheart rose. Some of the canes are over 25 feet long. It gets this way every year. I can't bear to prune until after this glorious display, which is a study in how small things become mighty. Each of these blooms is no more than 1-2 inches across, but there are literally thousands of them. Whenever I walk past, even that small disturbance sends hundreds of almost white petals cascading around me in a kind of summer snow.
Close by, the Peonies are about to come into their full-blown splendor. The darker ones always bloom a little earlier than the pale pink ones. These are from my mother's garden, originally planted by my grandmother, so these are the heirlooms of my little garden. These make the most beautiful, voluptuous bouquets.
Moving around to the front, the only remaining rose from the previous owners of the house is this glorious specimen. I haven't been able to identify it. It is a hybrid tea, I know that. It puts all its energy into producing a few spectacular blossoms each year, each one almost 5-6 inches in diameter and tinted the palest, most impossibly delicate pink. It has a luscious, classic rose scent. I treasure each one like a friend, then the bush succombs to the heat and humidity here and I prune it back to prevent black spot from killing it.
One of my favorite roses is the Zepherine de Drouhin. It is a very hardy climber-a floribunda-meaning lots of blossoms in May and early June. Right now the whole plant is covered in about a hundred blossoms of a rich, warm, bright pink. It is not a terribly full-petaled rose, and is only about 3 inches in diameter, but the color and volume of the display more than make up for the delicacy of the individual flowers. 
Later on,my hybrid ground cover roses will bloom well into the heat of summer-a nice segue from the sweet and delicate mid-spring plants to the boldness of the lilies, black-eyed susans and coneflowers.
These are all the aristocrats of my garden, and they are very patient with me. I am always attracted to people who as friends, have something to teach me or help me to complete in myself. My roses do the same thing for me. When I learn the lessons they so beautifully unfold to me, I become a better gardener. Hopefully, as before, the lessons will stick. Even the mystery hybrid tea seems to have found a place as the one who sets the example. I think I've learned more from my roses than any other plant. They are the queen of flowers. You can see the kind of fanciful language and description they inspire. The number of books about roses is enormous, and I understand why. They're quite magical. Anyway I guess I'm diligent enough, because every year these lovelies return and I get to enjoy all this-an embarassment of riches in the garden.
My garden gate is overrun with a riotous sweetheart rose. Some of the canes are over 25 feet long. It gets this way every year. I can't bear to prune until after this glorious display, which is a study in how small things become mighty. Each of these blooms is no more than 1-2 inches across, but there are literally thousands of them. Whenever I walk past, even that small disturbance sends hundreds of almost white petals cascading around me in a kind of summer snow.
Close by, the Peonies are about to come into their full-blown splendor. The darker ones always bloom a little earlier than the pale pink ones. These are from my mother's garden, originally planted by my grandmother, so these are the heirlooms of my little garden. These make the most beautiful, voluptuous bouquets.
Moving around to the front, the only remaining rose from the previous owners of the house is this glorious specimen. I haven't been able to identify it. It is a hybrid tea, I know that. It puts all its energy into producing a few spectacular blossoms each year, each one almost 5-6 inches in diameter and tinted the palest, most impossibly delicate pink. It has a luscious, classic rose scent. I treasure each one like a friend, then the bush succombs to the heat and humidity here and I prune it back to prevent black spot from killing it.
One of my favorite roses is the Zepherine de Drouhin. It is a very hardy climber-a floribunda-meaning lots of blossoms in May and early June. Right now the whole plant is covered in about a hundred blossoms of a rich, warm, bright pink. It is not a terribly full-petaled rose, and is only about 3 inches in diameter, but the color and volume of the display more than make up for the delicacy of the individual flowers. 
Later on,my hybrid ground cover roses will bloom well into the heat of summer-a nice segue from the sweet and delicate mid-spring plants to the boldness of the lilies, black-eyed susans and coneflowers.
These are all the aristocrats of my garden, and they are very patient with me. I am always attracted to people who as friends, have something to teach me or help me to complete in myself. My roses do the same thing for me. When I learn the lessons they so beautifully unfold to me, I become a better gardener. Hopefully, as before, the lessons will stick. Even the mystery hybrid tea seems to have found a place as the one who sets the example. I think I've learned more from my roses than any other plant. They are the queen of flowers. You can see the kind of fanciful language and description they inspire. The number of books about roses is enormous, and I understand why. They're quite magical. Anyway I guess I'm diligent enough, because every year these lovelies return and I get to enjoy all this-an embarassment of riches in the garden.
Which one are you?
May 23, 2007
I certainly relate to her in the movie, though I make more impetuous and poor decisions than she did. I don't remember relating to her as much in the book. Hmmmm. Maybe I need to reread that one.
My new friend Holly and I met in person today to have lunch, knit and chat. We met through an online book group, then we started reading each other blogs and now, we have connected in person! I had such a great time. Her home is bright and welcoming and happy-with beautiful architecture and a fabulous yard. Holly is off to a strong start knitting, plus I got to meet her children, tour her garden and eat her delicious cooking. Evalyn thought that it would be a good idea to make a kitty with the yarn I brought. Holly and I opted for a scarf instead, but I'll think about the kitty idea. Best of all, Holly and I found much in common, talked about everything and I left looking forward to the next time we might be able to get together. It was a good day.24
May 22, 2007
I've been feeling useless and lumpy-like I'm not getting anything done. Please bear with my attempt to reconvince myself that I actually do more than knit and read as Eric likes to (very gently) tease.
Jack Bauer has nothin' on my exciting life...
11 pm: Monday night: I put the finishing touches on my seminary lesson and cleaned up the house.
12 am: Read Wild Swans to finish the last few pages. I have been a bad host this month--lurking because I didn't get the book reread in time...
1 am: Went to sleep
2 am: slept
3 am: slept
4 am: slept until the alarm rang at 4:30, snoozed until 4:45 (yes I actually sleep this little sometimes. My brain does not turn off easily-I'm always thinking of how I might actually stay caught up with the laundry if I just didn't sleep at all)
5 am: finished setting up seminary, got dressed and prepared for the kids' arrival at 5:50
6 am: Taught my 17 darlings (2 were absent today) about David O. McKay till 6:40, then made lunches and did some more picking up and clutter control.
7 am: Put in a load of laundry, folded another one, helped Evan get ready an hour early and went to school to help decorate for the Simulated Congressional Hearings at 7:30
8 am: Stayed at school till 8:20 then went back home to finish tidying. Checked email, rebooted the laundry, got two loads put away.
9 am: Continued above till 9:40 then headed back over to school for the SCH opening ceremonies.
10 am: SCH-Evan's group did great as did all the kids I've been coaching for the last 3 weeks. There were children of several friends that were so fun to work with. This was a great project.
11 am: Same
12 pm: Stayed at school till 12:30 then headed to Cloverhill Yarn shop, my cozy home away from home for a private lesson. I love how my students become friends.
1 pm: Helped my student make good progress on her sweater, then hung out with Chris the owner and her son Zach for a while. I am lucky to work with good people.
2 pm: Headed home to see the kids, made sure the homework was started and kept the TV off.
3 pm: Worked in the garden, greeted Evan after his grueling but triumphant day in the trenches of Constitutional law, checked on email and book group. Actually posted some replies about Wild Swans--have loved the responses so far. Called my in-person book group people to remind about the meeting this Friday. Opted for a simple salad bar for the luncheon. I'll supply bread and dessert. Sent other emails and returned phone calls.
4 pm: Tried gamely to read some more. Fell asleep around 4:45. Should not have stopped moving.
5 pm: Slept the half-sleep of the mother with kids coming in and out of my room asking questions and never quite going all the way to REM sleep...had plans for dinner all ready, but kids were happy to graze on abundant leftovers and let me doze. Hopefully I didn't give unconscious permission for anything dangerous.
6 pm: Woke up and took Evan to his Lacrosse game. Made sure Johnathan had time to take Sam to wrestling club before going home-teaching. Everything was copacetic so I left confident in my children's abilities to function in my absence. While Evan warmed up at the field, I knitted in the car for 30 minutes--knew if I tried to read again I'd fall asleep and run the car battery down and miss his game...
7 pm: Met a pal to walk around the field during Evan's game. Got to hear about her husband's graduation with his PhD in Engineering--Yay for him (and her)!
8 pm: Evan's team won, putting them in 1st place in the league--I think this is the first time any of my children have been on a winning rec sports team. Seriously. Sam got a ride home from a fellow wrestler so Evan and I went straight home.
9 pm: Sam, Evan and I piled into my bed to watch Deadliest Catch while Sara watched Dancing with the Stars. Yes, we are one of those awful two-tv families. Eric and I are so busy that the perfect date is hole-ing up in our room together with a movie, not having to GO anywhere. Anyway, Sara gets great enjoyment out of bringing me updates about DWTS. Sometimes she'll even text me. I am very happy to have a little hobby to share with her. Johnathan returned from home teaching in a good mood-always a pleasant surprise.
10 pm: Eric got home from appointments at church. I did see him briefly before when he stopped by Evan's game for about an hour. He checked email and finished up some church stuff while I did my ball workout, then started blogging while listening to the end of Dancing with the Stars and online chatting with my sister in Tennesee, who was also watching DWTS. Yay for multi-tasking.
11 pm: Put finishing touches on lesson (it was already prepared mostly on Sunday) read scriptures, and planned to get to bed before 1 am. Ha ha.
Jack Bauer has nothin' on my exciting life...
11 pm: Monday night: I put the finishing touches on my seminary lesson and cleaned up the house.
12 am: Read Wild Swans to finish the last few pages. I have been a bad host this month--lurking because I didn't get the book reread in time...
1 am: Went to sleep
2 am: slept
3 am: slept
4 am: slept until the alarm rang at 4:30, snoozed until 4:45 (yes I actually sleep this little sometimes. My brain does not turn off easily-I'm always thinking of how I might actually stay caught up with the laundry if I just didn't sleep at all)
5 am: finished setting up seminary, got dressed and prepared for the kids' arrival at 5:50
6 am: Taught my 17 darlings (2 were absent today) about David O. McKay till 6:40, then made lunches and did some more picking up and clutter control.
7 am: Put in a load of laundry, folded another one, helped Evan get ready an hour early and went to school to help decorate for the Simulated Congressional Hearings at 7:30
8 am: Stayed at school till 8:20 then went back home to finish tidying. Checked email, rebooted the laundry, got two loads put away.
9 am: Continued above till 9:40 then headed back over to school for the SCH opening ceremonies.
10 am: SCH-Evan's group did great as did all the kids I've been coaching for the last 3 weeks. There were children of several friends that were so fun to work with. This was a great project.
11 am: Same
12 pm: Stayed at school till 12:30 then headed to Cloverhill Yarn shop, my cozy home away from home for a private lesson. I love how my students become friends.
1 pm: Helped my student make good progress on her sweater, then hung out with Chris the owner and her son Zach for a while. I am lucky to work with good people.
2 pm: Headed home to see the kids, made sure the homework was started and kept the TV off.
3 pm: Worked in the garden, greeted Evan after his grueling but triumphant day in the trenches of Constitutional law, checked on email and book group. Actually posted some replies about Wild Swans--have loved the responses so far. Called my in-person book group people to remind about the meeting this Friday. Opted for a simple salad bar for the luncheon. I'll supply bread and dessert. Sent other emails and returned phone calls.
4 pm: Tried gamely to read some more. Fell asleep around 4:45. Should not have stopped moving.
5 pm: Slept the half-sleep of the mother with kids coming in and out of my room asking questions and never quite going all the way to REM sleep...had plans for dinner all ready, but kids were happy to graze on abundant leftovers and let me doze. Hopefully I didn't give unconscious permission for anything dangerous.
6 pm: Woke up and took Evan to his Lacrosse game. Made sure Johnathan had time to take Sam to wrestling club before going home-teaching. Everything was copacetic so I left confident in my children's abilities to function in my absence. While Evan warmed up at the field, I knitted in the car for 30 minutes--knew if I tried to read again I'd fall asleep and run the car battery down and miss his game...
7 pm: Met a pal to walk around the field during Evan's game. Got to hear about her husband's graduation with his PhD in Engineering--Yay for him (and her)!
8 pm: Evan's team won, putting them in 1st place in the league--I think this is the first time any of my children have been on a winning rec sports team. Seriously. Sam got a ride home from a fellow wrestler so Evan and I went straight home.
9 pm: Sam, Evan and I piled into my bed to watch Deadliest Catch while Sara watched Dancing with the Stars. Yes, we are one of those awful two-tv families. Eric and I are so busy that the perfect date is hole-ing up in our room together with a movie, not having to GO anywhere. Anyway, Sara gets great enjoyment out of bringing me updates about DWTS. Sometimes she'll even text me. I am very happy to have a little hobby to share with her. Johnathan returned from home teaching in a good mood-always a pleasant surprise.
10 pm: Eric got home from appointments at church. I did see him briefly before when he stopped by Evan's game for about an hour. He checked email and finished up some church stuff while I did my ball workout, then started blogging while listening to the end of Dancing with the Stars and online chatting with my sister in Tennesee, who was also watching DWTS. Yay for multi-tasking.
11 pm: Put finishing touches on lesson (it was already prepared mostly on Sunday) read scriptures, and planned to get to bed before 1 am. Ha ha.
In the Garden again
May 15, 2007
I am actually right in the middle of working in the garden and needed a break. I've been really emotional the past few days due to circumstances beyond my control in the lives of people I love. Every experience has been heightened, both joy and sorrow. I can't even blame PMS but I have been bursting into tears at the least little thing. Fortunately, in the midst of pain and worry, I've had some very sweet and meaningful moments with friends and family that have sustained me.
Working in the garden has become like running for me. It takes me out of my life and into a completely different zone. The tasks of gardening cannot be rushed, there are no real shortcuts, and the only means to the desired end is consistent effort. Somehow, reconnecting with that very concrete reality helps me transfer some patience into my very immediate-response-oriented way of living. Just like getting seedlings to grow, there's nothing to do but watch and wait and do what I can.
Progress in the garden can be maddeningly slow from a daily perspective, but this year, as I have perhaps my best garden ever, after 14 years of fits and starts and babies and weeds and uglies and seasons of life when I had no time to spend, the satisfaction I feel is full and complete, not diluted by the pain of years. So, when this season of suffering is over for my loved ones, maybe we'll all look back and hardly even remember the bad times. I hope so.
Working in the garden has become like running for me. It takes me out of my life and into a completely different zone. The tasks of gardening cannot be rushed, there are no real shortcuts, and the only means to the desired end is consistent effort. Somehow, reconnecting with that very concrete reality helps me transfer some patience into my very immediate-response-oriented way of living. Just like getting seedlings to grow, there's nothing to do but watch and wait and do what I can.
Progress in the garden can be maddeningly slow from a daily perspective, but this year, as I have perhaps my best garden ever, after 14 years of fits and starts and babies and weeds and uglies and seasons of life when I had no time to spend, the satisfaction I feel is full and complete, not diluted by the pain of years. So, when this season of suffering is over for my loved ones, maybe we'll all look back and hardly even remember the bad times. I hope so.
The Honor of Seeing Someone's True Self
May 14, 2007
I had a delightful photo shoot today. It was a last minute thing for a dear friend, someone whose inner beauty perfectly complements her outer beauty. It was a young woman in the ward, finally getting around to some senior portraits (I can relate), who I have known, off and on, for about 10 years. When I look at proofs after a photo shoot, it never fails to amaze me. I look at them over and over again, because it is like I am seeing the person for the first time. I just love taking pictures of people, especially close-up portraits. I am getting to where I feel that might be a specialty of mine. I certainly have a lot of them in my portfolio that I really, really like. Anyway, when I prepare for a shoot, I think about what I want the pictures to show, and after ticking off their personality traits and interests and such, it usually comes down to trying to show them (this may sound a little high-minded for an amateur photographer) as I think the Savior might see them. When I get the feeling that I might have succeeded at that in some indescribable, infinitesimal way, clumsy as my earthly efforts might be, it stuns me every time. I hope my clients feel a little of what I feel. Anyway, 
here are my two favorites of my sweet young friend. I don't know if she'll choose these, but this is how I see her.
Here is my son-the-senior. He ended up not having the patience for a photo shoot, so I said a prayer and asked if I could take a shot of him on his way to the Mormon Prom. He reluctantly agreed. I took 3 shots, and this was the third one. I have NO doubt that the Lord guided my hand to be able to capture this view of my sweet boy.Happy Mother's Day
May 12, 2007
Yes, another post about motherhood, but it's okay because it is what I do. I wanted to share this article. I've seen this book around and resisted buying it because I mostly try to stick with books by General Authorities when I order from Deseret Book, but this excerpt was in my LDS living magazine and I thought it was right on. Jane Clayson, if you don't know, was the co-anchor of The Early Show-CBS's morning show. I especially loved Maria Shriver's quote. Once again, the thing that comes to me is that my identity as a woman, my talents, my individuality are enhanced by motherhood. The world tries to convince me that I am diminished by motherhood, but I am not. If I prioritize properly, I will have every opportunity that I need to become fully developed, to stay sane, and to COMPLETELY enjoy life. I am not settling for anything or putting off anything by taking this time. This is my life.
So, Happy Mother's Day to me and everyone else. I didn't use to love Mother's Day because I expected everyone else to honor me and give me a pat on the back. Phooey. I'm not here for pats on the back, I'm here to serve and grow become who I was meant to be. I no longer put that kind of pressure on my family or others. How on earth can all the work I do be summed up in a single day? Impossible. Why should a failure by someone else to make a big enough deal on Mother's Day negate all they do for us the rest of the year? I would rather have the 365 days of support and love and service that my husband gives me and the million every-day small joys and sorrows from my kids than one day of forced flowers and Hallmark adulation. I know women who do not have the former and the latter simply does not make up for it. A dozen roses from someone else could never fill a hole I dug myself because of my attitude. That is not a sour-grapes response. It is really how I feel now, and I'm grateful to be in this place. I like encouragement as much as the next gal. Maybe more. But when it comes from inside myself and from spiritual confirmations, it is enough to bear me up when I don't get it from outside sources.
When I honor myself first on Mother's day, it is a wonderful day.
So, Happy Mother's Day to me and everyone else. I didn't use to love Mother's Day because I expected everyone else to honor me and give me a pat on the back. Phooey. I'm not here for pats on the back, I'm here to serve and grow become who I was meant to be. I no longer put that kind of pressure on my family or others. How on earth can all the work I do be summed up in a single day? Impossible. Why should a failure by someone else to make a big enough deal on Mother's Day negate all they do for us the rest of the year? I would rather have the 365 days of support and love and service that my husband gives me and the million every-day small joys and sorrows from my kids than one day of forced flowers and Hallmark adulation. I know women who do not have the former and the latter simply does not make up for it. A dozen roses from someone else could never fill a hole I dug myself because of my attitude. That is not a sour-grapes response. It is really how I feel now, and I'm grateful to be in this place. I like encouragement as much as the next gal. Maybe more. But when it comes from inside myself and from spiritual confirmations, it is enough to bear me up when I don't get it from outside sources.
When I honor myself first on Mother's day, it is a wonderful day.
In Praise of...
May 10, 2007
Another way to be grateful. These are some things I've noticed in the past couple of days.
In praise of:
Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. Oh. My. Gosh. If only I'd had these when my darlings were little. I use them EVERYWHERE. They are the only thing that cleans our particular brand of soap scum, they clean up the stove, the walls, the outdoor furniture, etc... If I thought they would be well received, I would give these as baby shower gifts and birthday presents.
Candles. I love the light they give. I am grateful for my electric lights, and would not like having to read and work by candlelight, but I love that I can add coziness and color to a room just by lighting a candle. Scent is nice, but only certain ones. Mostly, I love the glow.
Reclamation. As I've been puttering about in my garden, I've rescued a tub that is perfectly fine for collecting garden debris (yay, duct tape!) and stopped leaks in two watering cans, thus avoiding having to buy new ones. I also got brave and fiddled around with my film camera and got it working again (at least for now) so I can experiment with black and white film again.
Linen. My favorite clothes, the ones I hang onto for years and years and years, are all made of linen. I don't worry about the wrinkles, and working in the fiber industry has taught me that instead of being fragile and preppy and oh-so-precious, linen is the hardworking yet noble fiber of peasants and bedouins. Its fibers are hollow, so it actually has a lower temperature than the surrounding air. Thus, it literally keeps you cool. It is nearly indestructable, gets softer every time you wash it and looks splendid when it is draping and fluttering around one's sandaled toes. My favorite piece of clothing in the entire world is a 14-year old linen jumper from Eddie Bauer that is finally starting to look worn. I now wear it for gardening and feel quite romantic in my clogs and hat and linen shift.
Cozy spots. A chair, a table and something pretty or calming to look at can do more for me in 15 minutes than a lot of other stuff. I have a lovely spot in process out on our new deck. It is just a wee corner, but it is enough for a rejuvenating break whenever I need it.
The Cartoons in The New Yorker. The main reason I subscribed. They get to me the way The Far Side, or Dave Barry gets to me. Smart AND funny. You can check them out here.
Here are two of my favorites: Baby and Sheep
Purses and Bags. I've decided to stop euphemizing my collection of bags by saying "I'm searching for the perfect bag," and just admit that I like them all. I like switching bags depending on my mood and outfit. I tend toward big bags, because whenever I try to pack light, that will be the day someone needs an advil, one of my business cards or a tissue, and I won't have it. I use little stuffer bags to hold all my things, so I just move the little bags from one big bag to the next. They aren't fancy, most are old or from thrift stores and outlets, and some are homemade. No matter. My bags make me happy.
Handmade Soap. I tried making it once, and am now happy to honor other people's talent and patience by buying it whenever I get the chance. It smells great and feels great. For me, using something handmade always elevates the mundane tasks of every day life a little closer to art.
In praise of:
Mr. Clean Magic Erasers. Oh. My. Gosh. If only I'd had these when my darlings were little. I use them EVERYWHERE. They are the only thing that cleans our particular brand of soap scum, they clean up the stove, the walls, the outdoor furniture, etc... If I thought they would be well received, I would give these as baby shower gifts and birthday presents.
Candles. I love the light they give. I am grateful for my electric lights, and would not like having to read and work by candlelight, but I love that I can add coziness and color to a room just by lighting a candle. Scent is nice, but only certain ones. Mostly, I love the glow.
Reclamation. As I've been puttering about in my garden, I've rescued a tub that is perfectly fine for collecting garden debris (yay, duct tape!) and stopped leaks in two watering cans, thus avoiding having to buy new ones. I also got brave and fiddled around with my film camera and got it working again (at least for now) so I can experiment with black and white film again.
Linen. My favorite clothes, the ones I hang onto for years and years and years, are all made of linen. I don't worry about the wrinkles, and working in the fiber industry has taught me that instead of being fragile and preppy and oh-so-precious, linen is the hardworking yet noble fiber of peasants and bedouins. Its fibers are hollow, so it actually has a lower temperature than the surrounding air. Thus, it literally keeps you cool. It is nearly indestructable, gets softer every time you wash it and looks splendid when it is draping and fluttering around one's sandaled toes. My favorite piece of clothing in the entire world is a 14-year old linen jumper from Eddie Bauer that is finally starting to look worn. I now wear it for gardening and feel quite romantic in my clogs and hat and linen shift.
Cozy spots. A chair, a table and something pretty or calming to look at can do more for me in 15 minutes than a lot of other stuff. I have a lovely spot in process out on our new deck. It is just a wee corner, but it is enough for a rejuvenating break whenever I need it.
The Cartoons in The New Yorker. The main reason I subscribed. They get to me the way The Far Side, or Dave Barry gets to me. Smart AND funny. You can check them out here.
Here are two of my favorites: Baby and Sheep
Purses and Bags. I've decided to stop euphemizing my collection of bags by saying "I'm searching for the perfect bag," and just admit that I like them all. I like switching bags depending on my mood and outfit. I tend toward big bags, because whenever I try to pack light, that will be the day someone needs an advil, one of my business cards or a tissue, and I won't have it. I use little stuffer bags to hold all my things, so I just move the little bags from one big bag to the next. They aren't fancy, most are old or from thrift stores and outlets, and some are homemade. No matter. My bags make me happy.
Handmade Soap. I tried making it once, and am now happy to honor other people's talent and patience by buying it whenever I get the chance. It smells great and feels great. For me, using something handmade always elevates the mundane tasks of every day life a little closer to art.
About Photography or...Life?
May 7, 2007
With the desire to move my photography to the next level, I started investigating workshops by a photographer that my friend Jeri told me about. This woman is no longer giving workshops, but in exploring her work, I found this and it completely resonated with me, not just as essential truths for photographers, but as a way to approach other processes of life as well. If I change out the photographic words for whatever it is that I'm trying to define or work on or improve in, I can find a lot of truth. Nothing new, but put so plainly as to be unmistakeable. At least for me.
More for Sara's Birthday
May 4, 2007
I really have really appreciated the tender birthday posts I've read on other blogs. Since my way of telling emotional stories is primarily through pictures, here are some images that I've collected for a letter to her that tell how I see my sweet daughter.
Around age 3
Around age 10
Last year
Last month
It amazes me how much she's changed just in one or two years.
Around age 3
Around age 10
Last year
Last month
It amazes me how much she's changed just in one or two years.
Sara turned 13 today. To celebrate, she got to stay home from school and go to lunch with Eric, my mom, and I. We went to The Cheesecake Factory, then my mom took her shopping. Right now, Eric has Sara and a couple of gal-pals at the theater watching Spiderman. (I have 3 May babies, and all the big movies that have opened over the years in May have made for some very easy parties.) Later they'll come back here for pizza and giggling. I've been having all kinds of fun decorating. Anyway, in spite of all the other enticements coming her way today, the main thing Sara did was read New Moon. My mom also went home with a copy of Twilight thanks to Sara's enthusiastic recommendation. These pictures tell the story...
On the way to the Cheesecake Factory...
Waiting for food at the Cheesecake Factory...
On the way to the Cheesecake Factory...
Waiting for food at the Cheesecake Factory...
Waiting for her friends to arrive...
It sure is a good thing I'm waiting till August.
It sure is a good thing I'm waiting till August.
Graduation Announcement Update: The company will print new ones and have them shipped within 72 hours. So, we'll send them out next week, and the bonus is I have him talked into a real Senior Photo Shoot, which are my favorite kind to do. Serendipity...the story of my life.
An Attempt at a Brief Post
May 2, 2007
I just received my son-the-senior's announcements today. His name is spelled wrong on everything. I actually have a record that I entered it correctly when I ordered them, so I've emailed and left a message with the company to see if there is anything to be done. He is resistant to all the usual traditions, and was adamantly against even sending announcements but at the last minute he changed his mind. So, we ordered late in the first place. They should have been sent out last week. Now it looks like he may get his original wish. No, that's negative. I won't get frustrated. I don't have to follow society's rules. So what if they're late. Okay, deep breath. I will run to Staples in the morning to see if maybe some print-your-own business cards might fit in the slot. Uff. I guess now I have time to talk him into a portrait since I can't send the announcements right this minute. This is not the worst thing that can happen, and I should look at it as an opportunity to put all this "stuff" I do to work and come up with a solution rather than getting frustrated. Okay, I can do that.
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