More Light

As a photographer, I'm always in search of more light. For example, I have some extra money earned from my recent knitting conference, and my sole end is to find the right lens for my camera with a larger aperture than any of the lenses I currently own. A larger aperture means my lens can let in more light and give me more options for making photographs indoors, in low light or at certain shutter speeds. I've known for a while that I'm at the limits of the light with my current equipment and have wanted a new lens for a really long time to take me to the next level in my photographic work. I have experienced frustration trying to make photographs look the way I imagine them and being unable because I don't have the ability to capture enough light.

In other aspects of my life, I am also in constant search of more light. In the unique culture and language of my faith, we equate light with truth, very literally. We believe that truth comes from God in the form of light for the soul, for the mind and the understanding. We are literally saved from darkness by truth. So, in a constant attempt to increase my understanding, my joy and my ability to live life to the fullest, I look for light in the form of pure truth. My dear pal S. turned me on to two simple questions to ask myself that will help me in that quest. Here they are:

Are you happy?

What are you willing to do to be so?

I won't be answering them here, because the answers will be so very personal, but I'm hoping that my future posts will reflect more peace, more tolerance toward others, more flexibility when life throws me curve-balls and, in general, more evidence that I'm making progress through life. I am not unhappy, and I don't want this to feel morose in any way, but these questions really made me think. The act of becoming is a big part of what I believe life is all about, but it has to be balanced with the act of simply being. I really believe I'm acceptable where I'm at, but somehow, paradoxically, knowing that impels me to want to become more. Yeah, I know--back in the deep end here, but here's the seminal idea for me: Sometimes, (well actually most times), I feel pretty stuck, not too much different from the day before, and I know that some of that is because progress comes slowly, but a lot of the days, I think I actually am staying pretty much in the same place. Same frustrations, same habits... not a lot of quantifiable forward movement. If I can answer these questions each day, I have a feeling they can help me get unstuck. Maybe I'll find out these aren't the questions I really need, but just picking up and looking a little will lead me to the ever-elusive light. If my aperture is open wide enough, I can make an image clear enough to give me clues to the answers. Or maybe just to the next question. That would still be progress though, and I'll take it.