The Daughter Graduates

Yesterday dawned summer-cool but with the promise of another day of summer-heat later on. After two solid days of cooking big dinners for the whole group and another busy day before that, I was ready for a quieter day and was rewarded for the most part, since the commencement ceremony would not be until 8 pm. I worked in the garden a bit before the full brutality of the rising temperature and humidity really set in, then slowly chipped away at the laundry and kitchen catch-up that are inevitably necessary when one has company. I even got a nap. My sister and her family came up from Tennessee and my parents and nephew came from Arizona to fill the house. The little children have turned the family room into legoland and I consider it theirs and largely beyond reclamation until after they leave, but I will not complain because once again hearing the sound of small boys plotting their fantastic voyages and marvelous adventures among the cushions of my couches is a precious thing.

Eric and I are camped in what we lovingly call the dungeon, which is our partially finished basement outfitted as a sort of dorm/bachelor pad/pretend guest room. It's a cool, dark, quiet space with plenty of room, and it is interesting to look at what we have stored down here. I'm very motivated, after looking at all these boxes up close for a week, to purge like the wind in the coming weeks. My folks have our room and Josh is installed comfortably in Evan's top bunk.

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, all this happy chaos is centered around Sara's graduation from high school, and friends, last night was the night! What a night. The theme really was happy chaos as we faced a fairly powerful thunderstorm during and after the ceremony. In the end, the cool breezes of a storm were highly preferable to 2 hours in the everloving heat and humidity, so it really wasn't that bad. My sister's wheelchair dictated that we sit at the back, just barely under the pavilion at Merriweather, and it was necessary to set up our umbrellas as the rain blew in. The temperature dropped so nicely that my sis got cold and the knitting I brought became an emergency blanket. Yep, that kinda night.

Our traditional photo-op on the hill by the trees and the Running Man sculpture was obliterated by the effort to just get everyone to the car without getting soaked because it was POURING afterward. We decided to convene at Wendy's for Frostys and photos only to find it closed. So Plan C became a whirlwind trip to Weis for many, many ice cream treats, then back home for the final celebration. As Monday was a grand dinner with Sara's favorite desserts and all of that, this lesser celebration worked out just great and a fun time was had by all, not that the selection of ice cream wonders that we brought home could really be called lesser, for heaven's sakes!

Sara was resplendent in her gown with hair that is currently so long as to require adjectives such as luxuriant, amazing, striking and glorious. She looked happy and excited as she walked past the gauntlet of principals and local dignitaries. The symbolism of the moment was real and the ceremony mattered once again. She's on her way to making a life for herself that will be unique, exciting and completely self-wrought. She has always needed me only for the barest of scaffolding around her giant personality and independent spirit. Now her eyes have opened a bit and she is considering going away to school, which of course brings extremely mixed feelings, better for another post sometime.

Now is the time to just celebrate, to just look at the smiles and look forward to the future. Here's to Sara!

 

 

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The Gang's All Here

Tomorrow is Sara's graduation, so my house is FULL! 7 family members have come to celebrate and it's thrilling to be surrounded by my sister and her family, my mom and dad and my other sister's son. I'll have photos later on, but today will be a laid-back day of cooking, eating, swimming and playing, all with people to whom I'm actually related! I do not take these times for granted.

I'm really grateful my family took the time and money to come share this moment with us.  I'll take every moment of crazy, loud, silly and even slightly stressful, because I want them to feel welcome here and KNOW how much I love having them around.

It's so fun to watch Sara celebrating with her friends and feeling such stress off her small frame as school ends and she looks forward to what's next. Stay tuned for more family-based revelry!

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More Catching UP!

Have you ever wondered what a Mormon Youth Dance is like? It's a heck of a lot of fun and one of the things I was involved in over the course of Friday and Saturday was helping the amazing kids in my church who planned, decorated and put on a really fun party for about 300 kids from all over the central Maryland area. I really believe in letting kids take the lead and do their thing, and they just never disappoint. My job was to buy and supervise the food, which was great because everyone loves the provider of refreshments!

One thing we Mormons excel at is refreshments, and we can do miraculous things like I did and provide enough knoshing for 300 kids for 3 hours and only spend $75 bucks. Yeah baby!

Anyway, here is a glimpse into the very normal, fun-loving lives of a bunch of quite stellar young people, at least in my opinion:

It was a Medieval theme, so here are two of the organizers
taking a break as king and queen. 

And here they all are, dancing away. I do love working with teens. They are crazy and brave and funny and smart and so strong in today's sometimes confusing world. I hope I get to work with them for a long time yet because they keep me young. When I'm at a dance like this, it's all I can do to not run out there and join them like I used to do when I was their age. I like that connection.

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Catching Up: Sara's Senior Shoot

You know how the cobbler's children always go barefoot? It's pretty much true. My wonderful daughter graduates in a week and we finally made a plan to take some senior photos. I guess if nothing else they really capture the moment, as in almost the exact moment of her graduation, uh-huh. Is this where that old chestnut "Better late than never" will make me feel better? Why yes, it does, actually. And frankly, I was beyond thrilled and honored that she would even want me, her own mother, to do something so important and personal. I hadn't assumed she would and I thought about hiring one of my many talented pals, but then she asked me!

So, last Friday, because there was nothing else going on (just kidding-that was the day EVERYTHING was going on) Sara and I decided to run away to the coast of Delaware to take said senior photos. It was an original location, she loves the beach as much as I do, and it just felt like a good idea. The drive was an easy and fun 2 hours and we ended up in Lewes, DE in hopes that we would be able to get some west-ish facing coastline on that beautiful peninsula surrounded by both ocean and bay and thereby catch the sunset behind us. We were rewarded on that score. We were also rewarded with a fantastically perfect sky and the sight of kite-boarders all along the little cove where we ended up (that should have been a clue). We got there around 5pm, just as anyone who was enjoying a day at the beach was leaving, so we had the place mostly to ourselves.

We took a few shots with the sun still high in the sky and discovered that the kite-boarders had ideal conditions for what they wanted to do, but for us, one thing was not so spot-on: the HUGE winds that were whipping along the beach. Oh my goodness. I would estimate it was a constant 20 mile an hour situation.  Maybe more. (I'm right-I just checked. Sustained winds of 22 mph were recorded that day.) The ONLY saving grace is that the winds were blowing toward the west so when Sara stood with the sun at her back, the wind was nice enough to blow her hair back off her face. So, we did figure out how to get some nice shots.

Once we got our bearings, we decided to go get some DQ and a couple of sweatshirts while we waited for the sun to get a little lower and so had some lovely fast-food and shopping time together. We laughed at the great sundries available in beachy shops and enjoyed our Blizzards to the fullest. We ended up with snazzy new matching Lewes Delaware sweatshirts to remember the day by and keep us from freezing to death as the sun sank toward the sea and the winds continued strong.

About an hour before sunset, we headed back to the beach and went into full photo-shoot mode, complete with outfit changes, a curling iron plugged into the power converter in the car and trying to look warm and relaxed when you're actually freezing. It was fabulous. Then, because I had another photo shoot scheduled at 8 the next morning, we turned around and DROVE HOME. Yes. It really was that kind of day.

But really, even if we hadn't gotten a single decent shot, or we'd had to drive 8 hours to and from, I will always remember this day with my girl. We had FUN together, complete with laughter, easy conversations and even some comfortable silences. This has not always been so for she and I, so it matters that this was a sweet memory from start to finish. She handled the issue of the wind with good humor, a sense of adventure and patience. We were in perfect harmony about poses and hair and how to work the shots. At the end, as the sun was going down, I stopped and took a whole sequence of shots and then turned around to see her capturing the same beauty on her camera. That made me so happy.  We spent 8 hours together and every minute of it was pleasant and companionable. I'm not sure you can really imagine what a beautiful thing it is for me to write those words.

I'm so glad she's not leaving just yet for a far-away university. It feels just right to have her home with me for a little while longer.

by the dunes we had some relief from the wind. 

Sunset over the Delaware Bay

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40 Hours

Finally, I've come to a stop. Friday morning (was that only yesterday?) I got going around 8:30 am. I did stop for about 6 hours of sleep somewhere in the middle, but mostly it feels like I've been moving nearly every other minute between that moment and this

I will not complain, because just about every waking hour was something that blessed my life or will be a sweet memory for a long time to come.

So it's all good. And I'll catch up writing about it. Not 40 posts, I promise. But probably 2 or 3.

Now, I'm even going to let my fingers be still and go. to. sleep.

Here are a few peeks at what I was doing.

 

 

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Samuel at age 20

My third child turned 20 today. I don't have a current photo of him because he is, at this very moment serving a mission for the Lord in California and he is working too hard to send me any photos. :o) I do like this picture because it makes me laugh that he wanted photos in his jacket and tie but could only muster getting dressed up from the hips up.  As it should be.

I did get to talk to him the week before his birthday on Mother's day and it was wonderful to hear his voice and know how happy he is. He's healthy, busy, beloved by his associate missionaries and doing just great.

Here is the best part about having a missionary son. Even though I know my kids love me and I love them, the letters we write while they are away from home are amazing because they give us the opportunity to put it all in words.

Subject: Hi Momma
Just thought I'd get one quick note in
I love you. 

Thanks for being my momma
Love
Elder Nuss

Dear Momma,
Just to let you know, my camera has been deathly ill until recently, so I will be able to resume taking pictures now!
Also, I love you and appreciate you. The more I think on your life, the more I say, "Man, my mom is awesome"
Love
Elder Nuss


Subject: Hi Mom
I love you
Elder Nuss

So, he may be gone from my sight and my arms and my immediate orbit, but each week I receive treasures like that to read and ponder. It doesn't really feel like a sacrifice when I see what is happening to his heart, his mind, his spirituality, his resolve and his knowledge of who he truly is.

And so today, Dear Sam,  even thought I can't wish it in person, a very, very happy birthday to you from me.
Love,
Mom

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Three Questions

Accidental Creative had a piece on morning rituals and when I thought about one of them, I found that I was having trouble answering the three questions they recommend as a good start to the day:

1. What am I excited about today?
2. What is my biggest priority, what will I do about it and when?
3. How will I know today was a success?

I found these question did not relate seamlessly to my real life and I am giving myself permission to rewrite them to be perhaps more effective.

Today, I am excited about...well, there's the rub. Nothing sounds fantastic. Everything seems to have a string attached because it's just one of those days of crossing things off the list. Some of the things are annoying, like getting to the bank for a new debit card. Some are hard because I want to do such a good job that I get stuck being a perfectionist. Some are just normal, everyday things.

I think a better question for me is, What can I choose to get excited about today? Can I choose to have fun putting together Sam's birthday package and make it personal and full of my love and feel good about the fact that I'm in a position to send him gifts and that we have a good relationship instead of letting the fact that it will be late because I didn't mail it last week ruin it for me? Yes, I can, but it won't be easy. Can I choose to be grateful that my debit card was shut down instead of actually stolen and that I didn't lose any money even though I have to go stand in line at the bank today? Yes I can, and I can be grateful that I'm reading a good book right now. 

With the second question, that is SO annoying for me. EVERYTHING always seems like a number 1 priority. How do I choose between doing a favor for my husband who is always so supportive of me, getting to the bank, getting my son's package out, getting ready for the knitting I'm teaching at young women's tonight, working on a photoshoot, and making a dessert  for my son's lacrosse banquet? They all HAVE to get done. Today. 

A more relavent question for me might be, What will I decide will be my biggest priority today? Then I can let my values help me decide rather than just expediency and urgency. I value relationships more than anything, so if I do the things that will help me feel that I've strengthened a relationship, that makes it easier to choose what to do first. If I stay sane and buy brownie bites at BJ's instead of putting pressure on myself to make something from scratch, that will, in the end, be more rewarding. 

The third question is a big problem for me because one of my unique opportunities for growth in this life is overcoming the deep-seated view I have of myself that I'm never a success. There it is. I never feel successful. Not really. I have small successes, sure, but they are always overshadowed by my failure to reach imaginary, unreachable cosmic benchmarks that I've apparently set for myself to measure success. They come from comparisons to others, society, parental influence and things like that. I pretty much walk around most days feeling like an idiot in some way.  Even when great things happen, I talk myself out their greatness. I know. You're right. It's not rational and it's the most idiotic thing I do. The good news is that the rational side realizes that my personal path in this life really is to get over that one thing. 

Thus, my revised version is What can I choose to be a measure of success? Since nothing will automatically make my mind think, "Good job!" I have to choose for myself to think it about what I do accomplish. 

So, here I go. I'm excited about the pleasant weather and my peonies blooming. I'm excited about my 5 mile run/walk yesterday. I'm excited about Evan being the high scorer for the JV lacrosse team and getting 17 goals during the season. I'm excited that I have already seen praying mantises in my garden. 

My priority is to open my heart and go forward with faith rather than fear, to look for the good, to be kind to everyone and accept them as they are and recognize their greatness and thus treat them well. 

My measure of success will be to get the laundry all folded and put away. That dream can come true. :o)

Onward. May you have a day full of choices that help you realize that you too are awesome. 

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Out Into the Air

Friday, wishes came true that I hadn't even wished out loud but my heart knew I needed. I had a day so delightful it honestly felt like my birthday. It was a day with everything I love inside of it: blue skies, the company of a good friend, animals, fresh air, quiet, beauty, laughter, cherry pie and well, you get the idea: near perfection.

My friend honored me by taking me to visit the farm where her horse lives alongside lots of other horses in a sheltered nook very nearly in the middle of the D.C. suburbs. I love that about Maryland, how even as urban as it is, you can be on a regular main street with stores and subdivisions and all that, then you take two turns and go a mile or two and you're suddenly somewhere that looks like this:

Under astonishingly perfect blue skies, we walked and talked and she introduced me to the horses as they feasted in buttercupped fields. Each horse is a complete individual in appearance, personality, and life experiences. They seemed to welcome a stranger in their midst with the grace that accompanies being safe and secure in a beautiful place. I was greeted with curious approaches, noses dipping down for rubbing and scratching and the particular thrill of an arching neck curving right around my shoulders to see what I was doing. Their great, warm bodies pressed against me were so powerful and huge, but while they were calmly grazing, I felt no fear at all, only a sense of wonder at being so near. My friend has given me a standing invitation to go there any time I need to dial out of life and just be calm. I hope I can take her up on that offer.

The final flourish on our day together was lunch at a great little family-owned restaurant and perhaps the nicest Rueben sandwich I've had in a long time. And of course that cherry pie. "Aahh" is the word that comes to mind at this point.

This friend is new in the timeline of my life-we first connected about sharing a box of blueberries only a couple of years ago, but it feels like I've known her much longer than that. How grateful I am for the wonderful way that just the right people come into our lives at just the right times.

One thing I want to remember about this day is that I didn't feel rushed or heading for a deadline or like I needed to meet expectations. I was in that rare state of just being me and taking things in as they came. I came as I was and my pal and the horses were fine with that. How I appreciate those moments in my life that remind me that it is not always all about getting out and doing and producing. This day, there was no outcome, just the present. Sky and grass and quiet conversation among yellow flowers and that awesome horse smell on my hands and gritty, flowing manes and swishing tails and soft sounds of horse-contentment and munching and great eyes that looked right at me, blinking and wondering. It mattered to me that I could move through the time we spent together moment by moment, no checklists in sight. Checklists and outcomes and production have become the habits of my life, and this was a good reminder that sometimes, all that producing can be set aside to just exist in whatever circumstances are presented to me.

Thanks, I needed that.

 

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Weather, Waiting, Waking

I keep thinking of the fact that I haven't changed my seasonal blog layout yet. It's time to get out and start collecting some images I can use to spruce things up for spring.

And spring it is. I can tell because my allergies are raging, complete with sore throat, ringing ears and headaches every morning. The flowers and trees have been lovely and the weather changes every 10 minutes or so from gorgeous to whatever. Yes, it's definitely spring.

I'm not feeling it though. So I really do need to get out in it. Smelling damp earth and grass and watching for baby birds and all that. Hayfever notwithstanding, I must experience the waking-up earth that is very nearly finished putting on her mantle of green. It's time to plant my seed-started tomatoes and eggplants and put the rest of the seeds in the ground. It's time to move some plants around and make a new flower bed.

I'm planning a trip to the farmer's market today to get some good, fresh things. That will help. I hope. I want to feel awakened myself, done with hibernating and waiting and being inside.

A little pollen sensitivity and being busy with big projects are not good enough reasons to miss out on the beautiful world. They are just not.

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Book Review: The Poisonwood Bible

The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver

Audiobook narrated by Dean Robertson

Adult Fiction

You might like this book if you enjoy the author's other work, are interested in family stories that stretch across many years, or if you enjoy the literary device of a story being told from the point of view of several different narrators. Also, if you have an interest in Africa, specifically the Congo and its history in the mid to late twentieth century, you may want to pick this up.

I've had this book on my reading list for ages. It gained fame in the late nineties as an Oprah's book club selection and I had started kind of avoiding anything that was on her list because they were often wrenching tales of woe and hardship and well, sheesh, I liked happier stuff. So, this one went by me in its heyday but after reading some other of Barbara Kingsolver's work, and having a cross-country drive to fill, I loaded this one up on Audible.

The prose did not disappoint-I really do like her writing. There were so many great one-liners, evocative descriptions and beautifully crafted sentences, listening was a pleasure. I liked that the narrator adopted a southern accent-it made the story of a Georgia Preacher and his family traveling to Africa as missionaries all the more authentic.

The plot was okay. I thought at times that the story might have been told in half the pages, with less description and more action, so it seemed to take a little long for me. I didn't really see too much of a developmental arc in the lives of the various main characters, instead they seemed set at the beginning and just went through all their subsequent experiences with the same awareness and thought processes throughout. I wondered about that. Okay, I guess Leah lost her faith and they all grew to be able articulate their hatred for their father/husband, but I didn't catch much else. Adah stayed introspective, shrewd and cynical, Rachel stayed self-centered, shallow and opportunistic, and the mom stayed well, morose. My favorite narrator of all was Ruth May because as a 5-year old, she seemed to have permission to be the most authentic.

I liked learning more about the Congo and the people of that nation. They have been through some serious times and I was largely unaware. It was difficult to keep things straight though, and I consulted several articles while I was listening, just to get my bearings.

I was sad that Nathan, the father and husband, was consigned to a fate of hard-hearted mysogyny, with no hope of redemption. I found it simplistic and unrealistic that his one-dimensional meanness and his breakdown were associated wholly with his religious beliefs rather than further exploring the relationshiop between his beliefs and the unimaginable pain he suffered in the war. While his experience as a soldier was mentioned on several occasions, it was lumped in with his faults and failures instead of really examined as the reason behind his madness. Don't get me wrong, I get that he was abusive and made some extremely bad decisions, but in the end it felt like he was just created to be the villian. The mother spends the entire book seeking absolution for Ruth May's death, and it is oh so convenient to just blame it all on the crazy father. I never felt like she really, really took responsibility for her own actions or just got to the point of being at peace with the universe. Her daughter's death was the fault of the village man seeking revenge. It's the sort of thing that one can hang onto and shake one's fist at the heavens about or one can see as part of the package we all get to open called life experience. Maybe that's harsh, but that's what I thought.

Overall, it was an engaging, if heavy read. There were moments of humor and clever observation to keep it from getting utterly bogged down, but in the end, it just felt sort of self-important and ponderous rather than nourishing and satisfying. What was the point of all the pain? What lessons were really learned? I was hooked till the end mostly because longed for some awareness to dawn, some peace to distill on their souls, but looked in vain. For a story that the author characterizes as something of a life's work, it was enjoyable for the beautiful prose but fell short of profound for me.


Addendum, May 15, 2012: Several extremely trusted friends have expressed that the Poisonwood Bible is one of their favorite books. I've decided I must have missed something. I'm going to set it aside for a bit and then read it again, maybe during a more settled and focused time. Maybe I just didn't have time or room in my life for it to settle into my bones the way it could have. The bottom line is that I really, really wanted it to because other work of Kingsolver's has done just that-been memorable and meaningful.

I think it is all in the timing.

I shall not dismiss it nor give up.

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Monday

It's a Monday out there and my window is open so I can hear the birds singing as I doze in and out. It's funny, I can often hear how a day is going to be before I can see it. Wind, rain, calm, sunny: they all have a sort of sound or mix of sounds, have you ever noticed? I don't always, but I like it when I do.

I love going to my window and opening the blind to look out over the yard and see if I listened well. Then I think about the yard for a minute. Is it time to get rid of the trampoline? My kids rarely use it any more, but there are still little ones around who like it, so maybe we'll keep it. Has the cilantro come up? The black-eyed susans sure are. And the stella d'oro lilies I planted last year are doing very well. I think they will bloom.

Its tempting to dream of filling the yard with more garden but can I really take care of it? I don't know. There are too many other things I like to do every day, and a garden ties me to the house. I've rethought my garden plans for this year because I'm going to be gone for nearly 5 weeks between June and July. So, this year I think it will be tomatoes and eggplants and that's about it. Maybe some beans.

I did buy some new perrenials at the wonderful nursery that sets up shop at the entrance to the Sheep and Wool festival every year. I didn't even go look around at the wool shops because it was Sara's prom that day and I wanted to be home to watch her get her hair done and be ready for the photos. So I spent my planned budget on plants and a cute little dress I found at a favorite shop.

Anyway, I bought coral bells, one with these amazing caramel-colored leaves. I mean caramel. Not a hint of green. I saw them last year at Brookside Gardens and have been dreaming of them ever since. They looked like sparkling copper jewelry shimmering in the shady edges of the garden. I also found a coral bells with deep burgundy leaves and think they will be beautiful together in the woodland garden I'm trying to build in the back corner. I added to that another hellebore and some larkspur, a rosemary plant for the herb garden

Ironically, I had planned to be outdoors most of the day today. A walk. Some planting, some planning, some moving around of plants. Naturally, before I even take one step, allergies have overtaken me. Ugh. The back of my throat has closed up and hurts and my eyes are just weeping all the time. So it goes. Zyrtek and some herbal tea will get me through the day. And if it all gets to be too much outdoors, there's are new episodes of both Sherlock and Doc Martin to settle me down with some knitting.

It's a promising start to a regular day. In a crazy world, that is not such a bad thing.

 

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Sara at 18

Yesterday, my 4th child and only daughter turned 18.

I used to have dreams and plans about what it would be like to be mother to a daughter. Perhaps fortunately for me, Sara decided while she was still in the womb that she would stick to her own dreams and plans, thank you very much. The ride was exciting right from the get-go and I just tried to hold on tight enough to keep her close without making her want to permanently break my grip. We've had our ups and downs, but I think I did okay, because what a dream girl she is. In her own way, all the way. I continue to have hopeful visions of her future, but now they center on the sole wish that her life will go exactly the right way for her and no one else. It's such a relief to realize that as an evolving human, I am capable of (painfully slowly, it seems sometimes) growing out of the tendency to compare an actual child to some made-up, constructed child in my head. Some days it comes so easily, to love them as they are. Some days it feels like I'll never figure it out. Thank goodness that 18 is not some arbitrary end to my mothering and that I have a whole eternity to continue to get to know this amazing girl. I love how our relationship is improving and deepening all the time. I appreciate her strength of character and confidence. That last one is so unlike me as to seem alien at times, but that's one of the main reasons God hooked me up with her dad, so my kids could be spared from walking the earth irrationally doubting every step like their mother. What a relief it is for me to see her not so much walk through life as dance, and with such sass and and life-grabbing enthusiasm. Gorgeous.

Here is a quick birthday sketch by way of an interview. It was late, so it was a one-word answer kind of conversation, but it tells the story of now.

Me: How was your day?

S: Good.

Me: What's your favorite part of your life right now?

S: Everything.

Me: Where do you see yourself in a year?

S: Working.

Me: What's your favorite memory from your seventeenth year?

S: Spain.

Me: Anything else you want to share for posterity?

S: Don't get a cat. (her cat, while beloved, is quite teenagery right now and has been keeping her up at night)

Happy Birthday Sara!

 

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The Grads!

Here they are, finally.

Of course the original reason for the big trip last month was to be there for Jeff and Ashlyn as they donned caps and gowns and marked the occasion of being done with university. Both finished bachelor's degrees and so we went, because it actually is a big deal, especially after all the effort we as parents put into emphasizing and encouraging all this education. This is what all the anxiety about the grades and the homework and all that is focused on. We want them to be successful, of course.

So, to be there at the moment that we can actually celebrate that success was joyful and sweet.

I'll be quiet and let the photos speak:

 

 

 

 

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