When was the last time you were clumsy?

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Okay...I’m upset enough to write about a current event. There’s a story gone viral that characterizes so many of my concerns about the larger world that I want to dissect it a bit.

It’s the one about the Women in Math club at BYU. My concerns are simple. Why did this become a publicly humiliating situation for the individuals involved? Why did it have to escalate from an awkward, unfortunate mistake by one person to a big deal? The attention this story has focused on the math club and the BYU math department in general has, I’m sure, caused much more harm than good. What is the value in that? Why is this okay? I truly don’t understand.


One woman with good intentions makes a poster for a good thing. In her mind, within the context of her purpose and the purpose of the event, the poster does its job. From her vantage point, the poster made sense. You may disagree, and that’s okay. Another woman, ostensibly with good intentions, sees the poster and is concerned. That’s okay too.

Then—and in my mind, this is where the disconnect happens—Poster-viewer posts a picture of the announcement publicly and questions the validity of the message. I am so dismayed at the culture we’ve created that enabled or gave tacit permission or something so that second woman thought it was okay to immediately express her frustrations via social media. As the first response. She completely forgot that there was a real person at the other end of that poster. Why did she not take the dang thing down, go find someone in the math club and talk about it PRIVATELY? Why not just have a private, kind, and frank discussion with Poster-maker about some of these larger issues? Why not privately help Poster-maker make a new and better sign and then help her distribute them?

Then, Poster-maker could have been lifted, supported and learned some things about the crazy world she is stepping into. Poster-viewer could have been elevated from impulsive social media user to helpful, enlightened teacher. Both could have come out of this situation better and stronger. Instead, both are getting attention they probably never wanted or dreamed of, and their world has possibly been shaken to its core. This could affect them for the rest of their lives.

The articles, posts and comments I have read are so unkind, so filled with judgement. Why is it okay to sum up a situation based on a milisecond’s view of a single image? What if every mediocre decision you made when you were in college went viral? Would you be comfortable with people thinking of you and your world in the flattened, one-dimensional way that you are all thinking of Poster-maker and her collegues in the women’s math club at BYU? Or would you appreciate a little patience and the chance to keep your dignity while you regain your composure? Would you like the chance to learn and grow and do it better the next time? Is this really the way to make the world better? By publicly embarrassing  everyone who makes a mistake?

And the treats?? Why is this a big deal? I have seen people at a STITCHES show come unglued if there aren’t drinks or treats at an event. Or if their steak is not quite right. Or if there aren’t hard candies and a water cooler IN the classroom instead of 22 feet away in the hallway. We all love treats. For the love. Let it go. Treats and refreshments are ubiquitous in the business and academic world. They do not demean or diminish the importance or relevance of a women’s math club meeting.

But I digress. Here is my main point. Most of the things in the world happen because of the decisions of individuals. Individual human beings! Individual human beings with stories, with faults, going on 3 hours of sleep, with hopes, dreams and all the things! The Poster-maker is not a villain we have to stamp out because she is going to bring down the cause of feminism in a single stroke. She’s a gutsy woman in a STEM field in a club with other gutsy women trying to make the world better for her fellow women! Because of one mistake, she, her club, and her university have been made to look foolish and the fact is that they are not. They did one thing clumsily.

I hope the next time you are clumsy, that you will receive help and compassion and maybe some instruction, rather than being publicly humiliated. I hope you will be given some space to grow. That is my wish for all of us. Maybe we can all get a little better...together.