Mind Over Matter

All week my body threatened sickness. For 2 days I lived the life of a slug and watched TV in my bed all day because I was just that tired. On Thursday, the slug analogy was starting to feel a little too authentic so I decided to rebel and be the boss of my body. Thus for two days now I've been acting like I'm not sick or anything like it, at least when I have to. So, I've been doing ordinary things like making dinner, keeping up the house, and working on work projects like photos, etc.. It has worked pretty well. Well enough at least that for long stretches of time I forgot to note how tired I was or how all the other symptoms were making me feel.
It worked so well that today, in the ultimate act of rebellion, I made my body run 13.1 miles for the third organized time in my life. Right now I'm so tired that if I were to stop typing, I'd fall asleep on the keyboard immediately, but I have to say that it was great. It was just great in every way. It actually felt good to thumb my nose at whatever has me in its grip--a flare-up of anemia, a bout of depression, mono, the plague (Web MD's suggestion based on my symptoms)--whatever it is-and say "Sorry, I am the boss of my body, not you." Not to say that tomorrow I won't feel the fatigue and malaise, and not to say that every problem can be fixed by just deciding to act differently, but today I was in charge and it felt good. I was helped tremendously by the support and presence of the group of friends that trained together and helped each other get through the wanting-to-quit times. Even today, one pal stayed with me though she could have probably run faster and we finished the race together. This marks the second time that a race has allowed me the privilege to spend time with a friend overcoming all the challenges that the race offers. Both races will always remain precious memories. Today will also be special not so much because of the distance, but because of the mastery of self--an elusive goal that remains the great quest of my life. In so many other arenas, I am a great starter and not so great of a finisher. I'm great at being flexible but not so great at being disciplined. In contrast, when it comes to this race on this day, I'll always be able to say that I had the discipline to finish and finish strong.

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Trying Not to Get Sick

I'm taking a sick day today. Well, except for the work I have to do-two photoshoots to work on and a contract knitting piece to get finished and into the mail-fortunately none of those is terribly physical. I did choose not to go to piano lessons, and there is nothing firm on the calendar for this afternoon or evening, so hopefully I can rest my way clear of whatever my swollen lymph nodes and inability to stay awake for longer than two hours at a stretch are trying to fight off. The hot lymph nodes are my body's usual way of indicating elevated immune system activity, so I'm not too worried. No fever, no sore throat, so I'm not thinking about flu yet. I'm just super-tired and feel like staying in bed. All day. So I'm pretty much going to. I really don't want to drop out of the race on Saturday (Baltimore Half-Marathon), so I'm also trying to keep eating and drinking (chocolate will keep my calories up, right?), and hopefully by tomorrow or Thursday I'll be past this and feel okay. Uff. I guess I'll be able to finally watch all the episodes of Ken Burns' National Parks series.

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Hot Chocolate Morning

Thursdays are not running days, and frankly, I look forward to them with all my lazy heart. Running is a huge part of my life, but it is sort of like washing my hair: necessary but not necessarily fun. There are many mornings when I look for any excuse to stay home, and many days I actually find that excuse. Today, however, needing no excuse because it is not a running day, here I set, still in my robe and socks, poking about on the computer and making the first hot chocolate of the season. All with no guilt! Isn't that awesome? I collect hot chocolate, so today it is Cadbury's Drinking Chocolate, from the British section of my local supermarket, and in honor of all things British, especially my pal Dawn, who I'm thinking of today. I have no idea if actual British people even like Cadbury's or if it is considered a tourist export for us poor Anglophiles. Regardless, I like it. It is a nice round-tasting hot chocolate and it doesn't get bitter if you add more mix to your milk. There is just enough of a perfect Autumn chill in the air today to make the creamy warmth taste just right, all while sending a chocolately glow to my chilly fingers and toes and making me feel cozy and cheerful.

May you have a Hot Chocolate Morning soon and enjoy the change of the seasons!

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Ch-ch-ch-changes

Wait, didn't I already use this title? Oh yes, back in June when my church service assignments changed drastically and I was about to start work with the young women (girls aged 12-18) of our church. Well, a short yet eventful 3 months later, that service is over. My husband already serves as the Bishop or lay minister of our congregation, and while our family is older and the kids are pretty independent, and we felt good about me taking on a major role as the president of the girls youth auxiliary, the leaders of our church had different ideas. Just a few weeks after I was called, a letter came from Salt Lake asking that Bishops' wives not be auxiliary presidents and if currently serving, they should be released. It was a general letter, it just happened to apply to us at an interesting time. So there you have it. There is a scripture in the Book of Mormon that counsels against "running faster than you have strength" and arranging one's priorities "in wisdom and order." I can see the wisdom and order in having a policy like this. Even though things were going fine and everyone was up to the challenge of both Eric and I being pretty busy, it will make things easier on our family. The only sad part about it is that I LOVE teenagers. I know, crazy, huh? Not everyone does, but I do and so I will really, really miss working with them. I will miss their energy and their willingness to question what they are taught and try to find out what is right and true for themselves. I love their boldness and I've learned over the years to be pretty patient with their goofiness. My inner child has never grown up, so I remember being a teenager and saying the same things they say.
Anyway, just because I don't have a formal calling doesn't mean I can't be their friend, and their friend I shall remain. As my pal who holds this calling in another congregation always says, "I'm their biggest fan." I can be that anytime.
So, for the moment I'm between gigs, as they say. I'm curious and excited to see what comes next. I hope I'll still be able to work with young people in some capacity, but if not, I'll get to learn to do something new after working with kids in one way or another for the past 18 years or so at church.

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Getting Out of the Gift Box

The Story of Me and Weddings, Graduations, Birthdays, Showers, etc.: I never get presents handled on time. I know why. If you really want to know it's because I'm an egomaniac in this one particular area of my life. No, really. I'm stuck in a box of my own making, and it is very elaborately wrapped and sports a handmade card. What that means is that I'm too fussy to go buy a gift card at Target and JUST PUT IT IN THE MAIL. It feels like a cheat, a cop out. Yes, it's true. I feel like I have to send fabulous, special presents that truly show how much I love the person, (really that show how creative and what a good friend I am-terrible to type out loud, but true) even though I know that all they really want is a gift card from Target or wherever they are registered or just a lovely bouquet of nice green bills. Sheesh. So, because of my silly habits, from this year alone I have about 5 weddings that have gone unacknowledged, plus several missed baby showers, a couple of graduations and well, pretty much all the birthdays in just my family alone. I won't even talk about my friends' birthdays. Thank goodness for facebook for at least a few of them...

So, what to do?

One solution is this: one of my bestest pals and I have a sort of pact, which is that we are not legally or emotionally bound to honor birthdays or any other holiday on the actual day. We can celebrate whenever it crosses our minds. I like that. (BTW, it worked in reverse for me. I acknowledged her birthday approximately on time this year. Go figure.) Anyway, if I take this approach, then I can send out some very late gifts without any self-consciousness or worry about how I will look in the bargain. I'll just focus on showing how I feel about the person on the other end. Which is what it is really about.

I know this is not a huge deal. I did not keep a list of the people I invited to my wedding who did not send presents, nor do I hold any ill will for them. I got late presents and it was actually kind of fun. I know that it's the thought that counts, not the Emily Post perfection of the execution. But I really love people. I want to show it. I am so blessed and showered with love from the dearest family and friends in the world and I feel like I'm not holding up my end of the bargain. See, there it is again. I'm worried about how I will look! Ack!

Back to what to do: I'm just going to do it. I've actually started. One gift at a time from the stack of lovely announcements that I've placed in plain view, right by my computer. Of course this will happen as the budget can absorb it. I'll check to see if their registries are still open. If not, then the old reliable gift card it is. The gifts will be simple, the note inside the card will be heartfelt, and the card will probably be...storebought. Sigh. I have to let that go. By the end of the year, hope with me friends, I'll be caught up and maybe relax about my expectations and just enjoy the moment of connecting with someone I love who thought to include me in their special day.

Plus I have to remember that I'm good at being a friend in other ways. So, if you haven't received an appropriately timed gift or card from me, remember that I love you in a hundred other ways and would do anything for you. And I wouldn't care how I looked. I'd come in my jammies if you needed me.

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